Next stage

[jaymor]

Vanda it is still very early days for you, grieving can be a very slow process. My husband passed away at the end of March and I am now remembering my husband as he was before dementia. He was diagnosed just over 11 years ago.

We do have a newish thread on here that was set up a few weeks ago for widows and widowers to put our thoughts and feelings down every week. Hopefully in a few months time we can look back at our thoughts and feelings and see how well we have moved on. We are all different, no set rules and remember because we have cared for someone with dementia we too have suffered and that takes extra time to heal.

When you have a moment take a look at the thread and join in if you feel it will help you.

Here is the link - http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?93932-Widows-(and-widowers)-weekly-update

 

[bemused1]

Haven't posted on this thread for quite a while but it is still next stage so I think I might keep it for some posts.
Today I went and sat with step son in-law who is terminally ill. Step daughter and grown-up kids and some partners all doing a charity run. As it happened he slept after his carers left so no hassle.
When she first asked me I said of course, no problem but later I thought, are you sure about it. Then, well you won't know unless you try.
There is something about someone so vulnerable, for whatever reason, that gives you the strength and you know you can do whatever you have to. So it was a hurdle Im glad I've jumped

Then this afternoon I went to the local carnival with him and his two sons Sadly it was pouring with rain. Then I had a walk around town with them. Even with one of them pushing a wheelchair theses 60+ legs are not made to keep up with six foot lads.

I keep thinking about Lady A happily going home to her own quiet house. While it felt strange to be there with all the comings and goings, I do not like coming back to my silent house.
But it isn't the silent house, is it? It's the absence of Ron, pure and simple.

 

[Izzy]

A mixture of a day for you bemused.

I can understand about the absence of Ron. I feel the same re Bill.

Hugs.

 

[LadyA]

I feel for you both. I suppose I had the "advantage" over you both in that I had 11 months to get accustomed to being alone in the house, while I still had William to spend time with in the nursing home. It was like a buffer, between the old life with him here, and life alone. I used that time to make the house "my home" rather than "our home" while I was still able to trot off and spend time with William. I think that eased me into living alone here very well.

 

[bemused1]

A mixture of a day for you bemused.

I can understand about the absence of Ron. I feel the same re Bill.

Hugs.

Thanks izzy.x

 

[bemused1]

Thinking of you bemused,and sending lots of hugs.xx

Thanks kassy. Xxx

 

[Grannie G]

I feel for you both. I suppose I had the "advantage" over you both in that I had 11 months to get accustomed to being alone in the house, while I still had William to spend time with in the nursing home. It was like a buffer, between the old life with him here, and life alone. I used that time to make the house "my home" rather than "our home" while I was still able to trot off and spend time with William. I think that eased me into living alone here very well.

This is similar to me. Dhiren was in residential care for four years and although I visited every alternate day I still had days and all evenings and nights alone.

At the same time I was able to disposed of most of his possessions, clothes either to him in the home or to charity shops, gradually , little by little, a few books to different people who wanted them. Dhiren had few possessions, so it was easily done.

It really is swings and roundabouts. I would have loved to have kept him at home till the end but it was not to be. Suffering having to accept residential care did help prepare me for living in an empty house.

 

[LadyA]

Thinking of you too, bemused. Today is also daughter & SIL's anniversary. Hope you do something nice for yourself today. xx

 

[Loopiloo]

Dear bemused I also was thinking about you today, as I often do, and that it was your 25th wedding anniversary. I don't know what to say because I know it will not be at all easy for you, but hope it may help if you come here and tell us about it. I find it helps 'sort it out in my head' to write on my TP thread, instead of jumbled up thoughts, and feelings, mixed up with the grief of loss churning away inwardly. Not well expressed, but perhaps you know what I mean.

Also our 58th wedding anniversary is fast approaching, three weeks ahead on Tuesday 27th. I dread it although the last few years Henry had little idea what it was about but I still gave him a special card, looked at the photos with him. Somehow he did grasp it was a special day for us, would smile, hold my hand, lean forward for a kiss.

Since he died 11 weeks ago I have had it on my mind more and more, we always celebrated it in some special way. Just we two. I am alone, family far away, and I do want to be alone with my thoughts and memories on 27th. It is special, private and personal... But truly am dreading it, more than any other significant anniversary to come.

Sorry bemused, I did not intend writing about me but about you. I do empathise and feel for you. You are in my thoughts today in particular as you are in those of others here. Whatever you do, although it can't be the same without Ron he will always be in your heart and close. Henry is the companion of my heart and always will be, as Ron yours.

Words feel so futile at times... Thinking of you.

Much love
Loo xxxx

 

[bemused1]

Thank you for thinking of me everyone. Ive been out to my favourite beauty spot todag with jess and a picnic. First went there with Ron in the 80s but havent been for a long time. Its one of those tranquil serene places that are balm for the soul.
Too many tears today, i seemed to bump into so many people i hadnt seen for ages and they say, how are you and it was like a tap, every time.
So we walked round the lake , jess had a swim and WE had a picnic. By that time balm was applied and i felt much more peaceful. But then I came home.
It was a day for just the two of us loo. Stepdau texted to ask if i wanted to go.out with them today but i said no, it was our day and i had plans. And im so glad i did, the predementia ron was with me today,sadly still doesnt happen too often.
The day is not over yet, i was thinking maybe i would get the wedding album out, but i actually dont think i can do that today.

 

[Izzy]

Thinking of you today bemused. I know what you mean about the wedding album.

Hugs. x

 

[bemused1]

Thanks izzy hugs returned x

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Bemused, those pre-dementia days will come back and the dementia days will fade away.

 

[Cat27]

Sending love & hugs bemused xx

 

[bemused1]

I hope so joanne.
Thank you cat. Hope things are ok with you.xx

 

[bemused1]

Thank you kassy. Today is another day and first I got soaked and now the sun is shining.
Still so sad but have to get on with life somehow x

 

[Scarlett123]

Sending loving thoughts to you xxx

 

[bemused1]

Sending loving thoughts to you xxx

Thank you scarlett, that always helpsxxx

 

[disi]

Sending special thoughts and much love, Diana xxxxx

 

[bemused1]

Sending special thoughts and much love, Diana xxxxx

Thank you diana always appreciated. Xxxx