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[bemused1]

Thank you Jay. I've had so much support from so many here, from the earliest days when I had no idea which way to turn to now when I feel so isolated but know there are always those who understand and will lift me a bit at a time. I hope I can give back a little of what I have received.

I have decided what we are doing on Thursday. Jess and I are going to a local beauty spot I first went to with Ron and our Old English Becky 30 years ago this year in the summer although not certain which month now. I've been there many many times with assorted dogs on my own I also got a wasp in my open toed sandals and got stung 3 times on my toes. I have never worn open toed shoes for walking again. Such a daft thing to remember but such a happy time. Well take a picnic and just enjoy the peace and beauty and the memories. Fortunatley it is totally unspoiled, no attractions so hopefully not too many kids on school holidays.

It will be a good way to spend a few hours and I hope will clear some of the misery of the last couple of weeks

 

[Cat27]

That sounds absolutely perfect xx

 

[jan.s]

That sounds like a good plan Bemused. Please make sure you wear closed shoes :roll eyes:

 

[Sue J]

Dear Bemused

He's only been gone just over 6weeks.

, that is no time at all to get over the physical trials you have had to face let alone the emotional ones. Grief floors us and I so understand the feeling useless and wanting to get on and not being able to - it will come in time - you have been in overdrive for several years, out of necessity and its hard for the body and mind to forget that and allow the rest you need.

Your plan for Ron's birthday with Jess sounds just what you need.
Thinking of you
Love
Suexxx

 

[bemused1]

Dear Bemused

, that is no time at all to get over the physical trials you have had to face let alone the emotional ones. Grief floors us and I so understand the feeling useless and wanting to get on and not being able to - it will come in time - you have been in overdrive for several years, out of necessity and its hard for the body and mind to forget that and allow the rest you need.

Your plan for Ron's birthday with Jess sounds just what you need.
Thinking of you
Love
Suexxx

Thank you Sue, I keep track of you. You gave me such help in the very early days when I was so scared and ever since.
I cannot thank you enough.xxx

 

[Sue J]

Thank you Sue, I keep track of you. You gave me such help in the very early days when I was so scared and ever since.
I cannot thank you enough.xxx

Its mutual you know, you're not useless at allxxxx

 

[LadyA]

Sounds like a lovely plan for Thursday, Bemused.

 

[sleepless]

Sounds like a lovely plan for Thursday, Bemused.

I couldn't agree more. A perfect way for you to honour the day.

 

[stanleypj]

I agree with everyone else Bemused. You've come up with an excellent plan.

 

[Saffie]

A good plan Bemused. Our 55th will be in 11 days time and I have just realised I have a double dentist appointment that day. Dentist and hygienist together. It will serve to pass the time but not in as pleasant a way as your's though.

 

[bemused1]

Thank you everyone.
Oh saffie I do feel for you. It will take your mind off things but not in a good way! I hope it's not too traumatic and you can do something nice as well.

 

[LadyA]

A good plan Bemused. Our 55th will be in 11 days time and I have just realised I have a double dentist appointment that day. Dentist and hygienist together. It will serve to pass the time but not in as pleasant a way as your's though.

Urgh! Saffie - couldn't you put it off and do something nice that day?! - or maybe it WILL be nice! Maybe they will say "No work to be done! Go in peace and have some cake!"

 

[Jinx]

Sounds good Bemused. The most therapeutic time I've had since Bernard died was going to Devon where we had our honeymoon and visiting places we enjoyed all by myself, giving me as much time as I wanted just to sit and ponder. His birthday is the end of August so I shall have to think what to do that day. I hope whatever you do on Thursday brings you some peace and lifts the 'blues'. xxxx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[Saffie]

Urgh! Saffie - couldn't you put it off and do something nice that day?! - or maybe it WILL be nice! Maybe they will say "No work to be done! Go in peace and have some cake!"

I can but hope Lady A. It is only a 6- monthly check though.

 

[Scarlett123]

I didn't do anything, except cry, on our wedding anniversary last year, my first without John, as I was on crutches and confined to barracks for 6 weeks. But this year, I went to view the entry in the Book of Remembrance, then to the church where we married, the home we lived in for nearly 30 years, and the site of the restaurant where we had our wedding reception. And I had lunch on my own, and when I told the lovely staff why I was there they didn't charge me for my lunch. Wasn't that kind.

It was still our wedding anniversary, even though John wasn't physically with me, but I felt his presence all day. I shan't do this every year, but this year it felt right. But anniversaries and birthdays are so very personal to all of us, and what's right for one, isn't for another.

Your ideas sound splendid.

 

[bemused1]

Thanks Scarlett. That's only his birthday but next month is our wedding anniversary and that is really difficult. Really have to think about that one. All I know is that this year it's just me and Ron and if I cry all day it really doesn't matter.

 

[Scarlett123]

Thanks Scarlett. That's only his birthday but next month is our wedding anniversary and that is really difficult. Really have to think about that one. All I know is that this year it's just me and Ron and if I cry all day it really doesn't matter.

Unfortunately, I have a Mourning Week. On the 21st December, I met John, on the 22nd we had our first date, on the 23rd he died, on the 24th he proposed and on the 25th it was his birthday. And what makes it worse is everyone else is happy, happy, happy, because it's Christmas.

As my daughter was already into 2 months of The Big Silence, there was no invite last year from her, and I didn't want to upset those who did ask me, by my sadness, and so Billy and I had Christmas on our own.

I know that this year there probably won't be an invite from my daughter, or even any communication, but my grand-daughter has said she'll go with me to the Crem on the 23rd - and that's enough for me. I really don't want to spend Christmas Day with anyone else, and I'm hoping it'll be a bit easier as each year passes.

And if I find a gloom descending, I shall pick up my ukulele and go to John's Care Home, and serenade them.

 

[bemused1]

Yes i remember your terrible mournjng week scarlett. I dont know how you manged to get through so many one after the other. I cant envisage spending christmas with anyone this year but who knows.
Its a curious situation but i do feel lonely and would like company sometimes, i dont really like people. But weall know what the answer to that is.
Thank goodness your granddaughter has kept things going with you. I hope your daughter comes round one day.

 

[LadyA]

Last Christmas, my dau "took charge" (something she does very well! ) and decided that I and my mother were going to her house for Christmas day. They were in a new house, so none of us had any memories of Christmas associated with it. And she invited several "waifs and strays" - singles and a separated dad & his children - for the day too. Everyone contributed to the meal, and there was just masses of food. It ended up being a really good day. And of course, as I don't drink anyway, I was the "designated driver" so dau and her OH were able to enjoy a glass of wine or two - and after lunch they started on the plum brandy liqueur that I make. Somehow, I think this Christmas will be different, with dau's baby due between Christmas and New Year!!

 

[vanda]

new to this

Last Christmas, my dau "took charge" (something she does very well! ) and decided that I and my mother were going to her house for Christmas day. They were in a new house, so none of us had any memories of Christmas associated with it. And she invited several "waifs and strays" - singles and a separated dad & his children - for the day too. Everyone contributed to the meal, and there was just masses of food. It ended up being a really good day. And of course, as I don't drink anyway, I was the "designated driver" so dau and her OH were able to enjoy a glass of wine or two - and after lunch they started on the plum brandy liqueur that I make. Somehow, I think this Christmas will be different, with dau's baby due between Christmas and New Year!!

I just came across these posts and they have really helped me. My husband Allan had vascular dementia for 9 years and was cared for at home with carers 4 times a day for the last 3 years when he could no longer walk after a spell in hospital with norovirus, which he picked up at the Day Centre he went to 3 times a week. He passed away on 4th May this year with aspirational pneumonia (his food was going into his lungs). He also had a rare blister disease Pemphigus Vulgaris which was getting worse and can be fatal in itself. It was a blessing that his suffering ended and I wasn't too bad for the first few days with so many things to arrange but I have gradually got worse and seem to cry every day at some point. I miss him so much and find it hard to think of him when he was well. I can't get past thinking of how much he suffered. It is our wedding anniversary on Saturday and I have ordered flowers and will be going to the Natural Burial Ground with them. It is a lovely peaceful place and I shall spend some time there talking to him. I booked a double plot so that we will be together one day. I admit there have been times when I have prayed not to wake up to face another day without him. He was the most lovely man and we had been together 57 years. Although reading these 23 pages has been so sad, I feel the comments have really helped me realize that I am not alone with these sad feelings, thank you.