Newcomer

[hazelf]

Hello, my name is Hazel and I care for my husband of 55 years who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Dementia last April.
i really am struggling with his moods and his attitude to life, it’s like he has just given up. He sits for hours just watching tv. If I say anything he gets annoyed.
l know these are things I have to cope with but it’s so difficult when I know I am trying to improve his life but it’s like he just doesn’t want to. What do I do?

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello Hazel, I am glad you found us! I am sorry to read that you are struggling with your husband’s moods and attitude to life. Dementia does this to the people we love, and if you have the chance to read around the forum on other carers experiences, you will find you are certainly not alone! It must be very frustrating and upsetting for you to see these changes.I think it’s not about improving his life, but managing what he is capable of now, and tomorrow. Tempting though it is to tell him he’s watching too much TV and should be doing other things, this is just highlighting something he already knows. (Easy for me to say, I know!) Elsewhere on the Forum someone has posted an excellent list of things not to say, and phrases things in more acceptable ways. I must find it for you. I found it very helpful myself, as I can quite easily say the wrong things too!
Found it! It’s in various places, but do read the thread How much to “nag”, very interesting read. The list is called
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

Do you have someone that could come in, for a couple of hours a few times a week to give you a break? You need some respite time on your own or to meet friends or family and enjoy your own activities. Have you had care assessments for you and your husband? If you haven’t already, do apply for Attendance Allowance, which could fund some paid caring. You need some self care too.