Can I request as care assessment review, not based on needs changing as much as our ability to meet needs changing?
My FIL has loved with us since January in a granny flat following a bad fall at home. He has probably mid-stage dementia but is relatively independent, gets up & dresses himself, makes breakfast & lunch. We have had a carer going in each day to give meds and some company (he throws meds away if left with them and threatens to take overdoses so we store them in our house). Recently he's had a UTI causing delirium which caused him to try to run away and another episode of huge distress where he was crying and very disorientated - checked out in hospital and apparently dementia progression rather than delirium. In hospital he disclosed that he doesn't go to bed any more and we know he doesn't bath or shower but is totally resistant to support with this,
He doesn't really want care from anyone other than us so recently has been asking carers to leave as soon as they arrive. We cook him a meal every night and have tried twice to have a family night out and get someone else to do this but although he knew in advance and had this written on his calendar, he got very upset, asked them to leave and then called us. This plus the running away/calls of distress in the evenings mean we always have to have someone at home and the stress this is putting on us is unbearable. We have 4 kids and they are really struggling with the lack of flexibility. We have recently had 2 carers leave, one because she was unhappy at being shouted at and one because the short shifts just weren't working for her (when asked to leave early) so now we have even more to try to fit in as we pick up the slack.
My husband & 3 siblings have LPA and when I asked the GP to refer for another assessment it was refused because an LPA is in place and FIL is a self-funder. The other 3 siblings don't share any of the care and have concerns over all of their Dad's money being spent on care costs. Plus they're not really considerate of the burden despite me trying to explain.
I think a care home is the only option but FIL will HATE this, it's his worst nightmare really. But even if we could replace the current carers it's the strain of evening meals 7 days a week and constantly having to be home in the evenings that's the issue. A live-in carer would potentially be an option but would be so expensive, around £8 - £10k/month and so he could only afford to pay that for a couple of months until savings run out. Two of the siblings are keen to send him back to his own flat with no care (as "he'd rather die alone than be in a care home") but I fear this may be motivated more from the fact this would preserve the flat value as an inheritance than a real belief this is the right thing to do.
So I would really like an official assessment that says his needs can't be met by us any more and that suggests a care home so there are no more arguments. I know that may sound selfish but I am really worried that we won't be able to cope much longer.
My FIL has loved with us since January in a granny flat following a bad fall at home. He has probably mid-stage dementia but is relatively independent, gets up & dresses himself, makes breakfast & lunch. We have had a carer going in each day to give meds and some company (he throws meds away if left with them and threatens to take overdoses so we store them in our house). Recently he's had a UTI causing delirium which caused him to try to run away and another episode of huge distress where he was crying and very disorientated - checked out in hospital and apparently dementia progression rather than delirium. In hospital he disclosed that he doesn't go to bed any more and we know he doesn't bath or shower but is totally resistant to support with this,
He doesn't really want care from anyone other than us so recently has been asking carers to leave as soon as they arrive. We cook him a meal every night and have tried twice to have a family night out and get someone else to do this but although he knew in advance and had this written on his calendar, he got very upset, asked them to leave and then called us. This plus the running away/calls of distress in the evenings mean we always have to have someone at home and the stress this is putting on us is unbearable. We have 4 kids and they are really struggling with the lack of flexibility. We have recently had 2 carers leave, one because she was unhappy at being shouted at and one because the short shifts just weren't working for her (when asked to leave early) so now we have even more to try to fit in as we pick up the slack.
My husband & 3 siblings have LPA and when I asked the GP to refer for another assessment it was refused because an LPA is in place and FIL is a self-funder. The other 3 siblings don't share any of the care and have concerns over all of their Dad's money being spent on care costs. Plus they're not really considerate of the burden despite me trying to explain.
I think a care home is the only option but FIL will HATE this, it's his worst nightmare really. But even if we could replace the current carers it's the strain of evening meals 7 days a week and constantly having to be home in the evenings that's the issue. A live-in carer would potentially be an option but would be so expensive, around £8 - £10k/month and so he could only afford to pay that for a couple of months until savings run out. Two of the siblings are keen to send him back to his own flat with no care (as "he'd rather die alone than be in a care home") but I fear this may be motivated more from the fact this would preserve the flat value as an inheritance than a real belief this is the right thing to do.
So I would really like an official assessment that says his needs can't be met by us any more and that suggests a care home so there are no more arguments. I know that may sound selfish but I am really worried that we won't be able to cope much longer.
