Hi all, I'm new to this so bear with...mum was diagnosed about 18 months ago with Alzheimer's. My parents haven't 'told' anyone, a few people have actually Sussed it out for themselves, but mum has this feeling of shame and embarrassment and doesn't want anyone to know. This makes life very difficult for my dad to cope day to day, he is not in the best of health, has cancer in various areas, but generally does very well taking care of mum. She still functions pretty well but has become repetitive constantly to the point where dad is getting concerned about his own sanity! Anyway my problem is that mum won't go to or 'allow' dad to go to any respite type groups as she doesn't want anyone to see them there. I help when and where I can each week but have a family of my own and a full time. Job. I need to take care of dad so he can continue looking after mum but how do I do this when they won't accept any outside help? Force them? I am fearful that something will happen to dad and I just don't know what will happen next, mum can't live on her own, and living with us is not an option. My hubby and I are entering middle age I suppose and have plans,of which being a full time carer isn't one of them, that sounds awful I know. I appreciate anyone's thoughts as I feel continually stressed and worried all the time, which can't be good. Sorry this is so long winded folks
Mums dementia
- Thread starter lizzybo
- Start date
Elizabeth, I don't know where you are based but the procedure in Scotland would be some follow up after diagnosis eg from a CPN who would monitor medication or from the social services to assess her care. Has she had this done? If so there might be a contact number that you could phone and express your concerns to.
It is worrying that your Dad is ill and coping with this too. The award of attendance allowance is to help make it easier to put in place things that would help like a cleaner or someone to go shopping with her. Would your Dad let you introduce that?
In the long run if parents resist help then a crisis will ultimately change their plans for them.
It is worrying that your Dad is ill and coping with this too. The award of attendance allowance is to help make it easier to put in place things that would help like a cleaner or someone to go shopping with her. Would your Dad let you introduce that?
In the long run if parents resist help then a crisis will ultimately change their plans for them.
Hi Elizabeth and welcome to TP you've come to the right place for help and advice. Might be a good idea that you speak to your local Alzheimer society theta might be able to give you some advice what to do. And if your dads poorly he will need some help. Its not uncommon that your mum does know that she's got dementia. Even when my mum was told she still didn't think any thing was wrong. Does your mum go to a memory clinic.first is your GP and SS involved.I started off by having care workers come in just in the mornings to give my mum her meds and its just gone on from there really. Adventully she has gone to clubs had crossroads visits and now is going to day centre, but 8/9 years ago when the AD first started you told me that my mum would have accepted these things I would have laughed and said no. But as and when these things were needed they were put in place. So take it as it comes and get the help. Some times you have to tell little white lies to the sufferer. What ever works. theres lots on here to help. So sorry to hear your mum has got AD ad that you have had to find TP but its been a god send to me and many others. lindax
Thanks, both, for your advice, I have some thoughts now on my next steps. I think it's going to be a long haul but at least I've got some direction x
