Mums council tenancy

flowerpetals

Registered User
Mar 6, 2015
30
Hi Kazza,

I've just been reading your thread, although I feel like I'm being a stalker!! I really feel for you, I feel I have nothing to whinge about, although we have had some troublesome times recently especially when Mum was diagnosed with Crohns disease too. We are still in the early stages though of Alzheimers. .

One thing I was going to ask, has your Mum been put on any antidepressants? My mum was on one type of ADs but she was not coping very well on it. It made her mood very off, very tearful and she was constantly on the phone to me or to the Dr (She phones her Dr every week about something or another). She asked for acupuncture for pain, when she got a physio referral, she told me that she had "a letter and they want to make me do exercises, but I can't do exercises because of the pain I have"
The doctor changed her ADs and her mood is much more settled but I think she is now taking 2 lots of ADs which I am going to query tomorrow, she has an appointment with the mental health team.

So I was wondering if it may be worth asking if there would be a better antidepressant or medicine for your Mum?

My friend works in care home for people with dementia in Barnes. It is a nice home, my friend is one of the best carers around, she really is so compassionate and great at her job. She loves all of her clients and I am pretty sure that there has been no cause for concern for abuse in that place. I know you aee so tired, so worried that you probably can't even think about these things now but I don't think that anyone can go on living like this forever. You will break hun, you are only human xx

My sister is not a nice person at all. She came to see my Dad 3 times when he was dying, called me upstairs to give him morphine and said that she'd leave me to it. It was only medicine, I wasnt injecting him!! She hates my Mum and doesn't have any contact with her at all. But I have learned to not even think about her anymore because she made me so angry for her selfishness. It's hard to accept that some people just don't want to know, some people are just so utterly selfish and it hurts a lot.

Please feel free to rant and rave if you need to. You are taking on far too much, it's time you thought about your needs too. You are still young and you need some quality of life too. I hope that you don't think I'm speaking out of turn but I feel for you both. I don't like people suffering. Sending hugs xx
 

Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Bless you flowerpetal, we all have it hard though, you have it hard just as much as I, Crohn's disease is another cruel and painful disease with no cure. Your sister may not like your mum but what about you? She should be there for you matter what, selfish woman, I'd like to say what goes around etc but I don't think that's true, some unpleasant people sail through life with no real problems at all. Get as much help as SS offer...it's a sad state of affairs when family are nowhere to be seen. I'm exhausted, unmotivated and have all but given up. I'm 42 and feel like a pensioner....I'm feeling sorry for myself but that's only cos no one else does lol. Do you have other family aside from your sister?





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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
My mum is on citalopram (anti depressant) and zopicone (sleeping tablets) along with the aricept. Mums brain is addled now so I guess the aricept is pointless.

Am glad I have work to go to although at times that gets to me also...still, if I were at home every day I think I'd lose the will to live. Have a couple of cute cats that cheer me up a lot though :)


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flowerpetals

Registered User
Mar 6, 2015
30
I think because you ate dealing with so much, you are becoming so run down. Do you think the anti depressant is helping your Mum?

I don't think that you are feeling sorry for yourself at all, you are very strong and courageous. You love ypur Mum dearly and are doing your best to protect her and keep her safe.

My sister hates me too, lol! But I don't care. I am lucky to have a lovely husband who understands my Mums needs. I also have a brother but he has autism and severe learning difficulties. At the moment, we are going through a good spell with my Mum, if I wasn't around, she would not be able to cope. I hope that the Aricept keeps her well for a long, long time but I know from reading things that it doesn't really halt the disease. We don't have any help from SS, they seem to have disappeared from this area, learnt that when Dad was sick.

I hope you have a good day tomorrow, I'm going to watch some tv now but will pop back to chat with you again in the week. Take care of yourself and be gentle on yourself, you are going through so much at such a young age xx
 

Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Thanks flowerpetals. Am getting all my work stuff ready now. Mums now gone to bed but not before insisting that the people on the tv were actually in the room and she wanted them to go before she went 'home'...hearing all this weird raids is draining. Towie is in at 10, looking forward to that as it's pure trash and I don't need to think and I can envy the youngster and their freedom :) have a good night


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flowerpetals

Registered User
Mar 6, 2015
30
Thanks flowerpetals. Am getting all my work stuff ready now. Mums now gone to bed but not before insisting that the people on the tv were actually in the room and she wanted them to go before she went 'home'...hearing all this weird raids is draining. Towie is in at 10, looking forward to that as it's pure trash and I don't need to think and I can envy the youngster and their freedom :) have a good night
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Oh God, that's awful, Kazza. I hope that this won't happen to my Mum. She has had a few hallucinations in the past, it's weird how the brain works. How it can make you believe different things.

Going to the Memory clinic today with Mum, I think she has been doing better in the past month but yesterday she had asked me to bring over those

"Green things. To go with the prawns. I went to the shop and picked up the other green things instead" (which turned out to be kiwi fruit, the other green things were avocado) Last week she couldn't get the washing machine to work but it was fine when we tried it. And other little dramas...There's always something, bless her.

I hope you enjoyed your Towie. Sometimes it's just nice to watch something that doesn't require thinking. We love watching Gogglebox always makes us giggle! :)
 

Electra

Registered User
May 18, 2016
1
Looking after mum

After reading all your threads I no longer feel so alone, it seems like a lot of family tend to leave one person to look after their mum or dad or both.

It is something I do not understand, will never understand.

My mum was diagnosed with dementia last year after she broke her hip, I had noticed that she was very forgetful and while she was in hospital could they do some tests as she would never go to the doctors and kept denying she forget anything. She finally got diagnosed and is now on Medication though that was a fight as well.

I am lucky enough to have a one bed flat, but I am now spending a lot of time going backwards and forwards between mine and my mums and she has a three bedroom so I do stay over and know in the future that I will probably have to stay over more and more. I have no family that can help me in the area so it is just me looking after mum. I thought it would make more sense to move back to mums and give up my flat as she does not cook for herself or wash or take her medication unless I do it which means that I need to be there.

As she is in the first stages I know it will probably get worse, I know there has been no succession on tenancy and I have lived there myself most of my life. I am in the process of writing a letter to my mums housing association to see if this is possible, has anyone ever had to do this before ?
 

Kazza-72

Registered User
Dec 15, 2015
61
Chiswick, London
Saw a solicitor today who has told me that as a deputy of COP I cannot assign the tenancy after being told by the council to get POA. I have been totally miss-advised and am now in a position where I might and most probably will lose a roof over my head. Once he notice to quit arrives I will go to sleep and not wake up. Thanks for for your advice. Just have to make sure the cats are safe in a new home and mums funeral is all prepaid and sorted. Night all. Good luck


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HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,947
Ireland
Hi Kazza
I'm sure you can't be made homeless and that the council will HAVE to find you accommodation that is more suited to a single person now that your Mum's in her care home? How is she doing now? x
 

Kazza-72

Registered User
Dec 15, 2015
61
Chiswick, London
Hi hillybilly,

The council aren't actually obliged to do anything. If they want to evict me they can, it's as simple as that. As for renting privately, I can't afford to rent a flat on my own and I'm too old to be renting rooms in 'digs'. I don't have the energy to be packing and moving at the end of every lease. I don't have many friends left after my role as a carer.....not sure i can bounce back this time. On the upside mum is doing great


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jasmineflower

Registered User
Aug 27, 2012
335
Hi Kazza
Try contacting your local carers association - they can offer some advice and advocacy over issues such as housing. Www.carers.org

Also go to Citizens Advice ASAP as they should be able to offer you some suggestions.
 

Kazza-72

Registered User
Dec 15, 2015
61
Chiswick, London
Hi Kazza
Try contacting your local carers association - they can offer some advice and advocacy over issues such as housing. Www.carers.org

Also go to Citizens Advice ASAP as they should be able to offer you some suggestions.
Thanks jasmineflower, will try the link. Have been to CAB twice and was give incorrect advice which has resulted in a lot of time wasted, and now running out of time


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HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,947
Ireland
Hi hillybilly,

The council aren't actually obliged to do anything. If they want to evict me they can, it's as simple as that. As for renting privately, I can't afford to rent a flat on my own and I'm too old to be renting rooms in 'digs'. I don't have the energy to be packing and moving at the end of every lease. I don't have many friends left after my role as a carer.....not sure i can bounce back this time. On the upside mum is doing great
I'm so glad that your Mum is doing great in her care home.
Not so glad re your predicament.
I can only imagine that where you live must be a horrendously expensive area.
I know you've been amazingly able to carry on working whilst caring for your Mum and I have no idea what your line of work is so this may be a totally inappropriate suggestion but have you considered work as a live-in carer? You've the experience that's for sure and there seems to be a dearth of good carers from what I've read on here. It might not be at all what you want, having been there done that for so long, but it might get you out of a hole, if that hole opens?
 

Kazza-72

Registered User
Dec 15, 2015
61
Chiswick, London
Hi hillybilly, good suggestion but I would rather die than have a caring role again. I will never do it again, it has pretty much broken me :(


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fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,732
Kaz
I don't know what to say except that you have been wonderful and kind and a really loving daughter and you deserve better.

I haven't read back through all the recent threads but are you sure the council are going to come after you to evict you? Have you spoken to them? Do you have a local housing association who you could speak to and explain your caring role and all the difficulties and the horrendous treatment and the traumas and how you have lost everything and can they help? If none of this is working I agree that you should go to Shelter.
I am thinking of you xxxxxx and I wish there was something I could do
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Hi hillybilly, good suggestion but I would rather die than have a caring role again. I will never do it again, it has pretty much broken me :(


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Can completely understand that, Friends often say to me that a paid carers role would be a good job for me in the future. Cannot say here what my answer is, just know that it is not polite.