Mums council tenancy

chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
I am shattered again. Came home to find puddles of tea all over the living room floor and I mean a full cup, not just accidental spillage and she has been going around in bare feet, nicked her foot and thought it would be a great idea to smear blood in every square foot of the living room as she could. I know she can't help her behaviour but I can't help feeling sometimes that she's spiteful as she only does it of I'm out or not in the room. I really don't like my mum too much and if I'm a bad person for that so be it :(

How are you this morning? Have your managed to get any quality sleep?


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Bless you , I am sure you are Not a bad person Kazza! This disease pushes us all! Thoughts like that are in all of us and I admire your honesty. Been awake since 2 am but dozed on sofa for a bit . Sorry to hear you had such an awful time! Can't you get more help in ? Xx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
I will be speaking to the SS today regarding care agency provision as we are currently getting help from the reablement team. My SS is very nice but so bloody annoying at the same time...you must be familiar with the social worker sympathetic face? It's annoying although to be fair to her, she is going through the same thing with her mother so she does actually understand as opposed to those that say they so and have absolutely no clue.

Poor you, I feel for you, you must be exhausted. Have you ever had any respite? I sent my mum off for 2 weeks in October and I loved the peace and managed to clean the place properly and she actually enjoyed it, had company, even made a couple of pals while she was there...depressing places though...the staff were pretty upbeat and nice, it's the noises of some of the residents crying or calling out all the time, the staff seemed to take it all in their stride though. I couldn't do it. If you get the chance of respite at some point, grab it with both hands, it will give you a well deserved rest, you're no good to your husband if you're not well either...


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
I will be speaking to the SS today regarding care agency provision as we are currently getting help from the reablement team. My SS is very nice but so bloody annoying at the same time...you must be familiar with the social worker sympathetic face? It's annoying although to be fair to her, she is going through the same thing with her mother so she does actually understand as opposed to those that say they so and have absolutely no clue.

Poor you, I feel for you, you must be exhausted. Have you ever had any respite? I sent my mum off for 2 weeks in October and I loved the peace and managed to clean the place properly and she actually enjoyed it, had company, even made a couple of pals while she was there...depressing places though...the staff were pretty upbeat and nice, it's the noises of some of the residents crying or calling out all the time, the staff seemed to take it all in their stride though. I couldn't do it. If you get the chance of respite at some point, grab it with both hands, it will give you a well deserved rest, you're no good to your husband if you're not well either...


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It's too early for respite for John he is only 65 and putting him there would harm more than do good . He has capacity still just really sun downs at night! Does get a bit muddled at times but we still have lots of good and lovely days just got crossroads in for 3 hours a week so I can do something with my friends which I haven't been able to the last 4 years . It's a start and I am quite happy about that xx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Am glad you still have lots of good days...mum is now like a 5ft 4in toddler that swears like a navvy. Destructive isn't the word!

She's still kind to the cats though although refers to them as the dogs or the kids...she often asks where the kids are...




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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Am glad you still have lots of good days...mum is now like a 5ft 4in toddler that swears like a navvy. Destructive isn't the word!

She's still kind to the cats though although refers to them as the dogs or the kids...she often asks where the kids are...




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Your plate is so much fuller than mine ! I hope you forgive me but maybe a care home is the better option for your mum?! You need some constructive help Kazza! Have you had a carer assessment? I'm having my first ever on the 11th of March xxx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
I think I have, I'm not sure to be honest. I have all these meetings with various people and no idea what they're all about to be honest...I'm a bit lost :(


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
I think I have, I'm not sure to be honest. I have all these meetings with various people and no idea what they're all about to be honest...I'm a bit lost :(


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Same here only just started with asking for help but they haven't come back to me yet! Carer assessment is important though for you ! If you are not sure asked SS and even if you had one before it might be good to re assess xx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
What????? They need to so something for you. Is it lack of resources or that they don't think you're entitled (which is a blooming joke if that's the case).

Reablement will be stopping soon and agency carers taking over. Dreading that as even the SW told me that the service won't be as good. The SW also said if I ask for my mum to be found a place in a home it could happen as soon as a few weeks. I can't do that yet as I need to figure out my housing situation and if the council give me notice to quit without rehousing me I will near a clear head to do so :( I just need to settle somewhere, let's hope I can


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
What????? They need to so something for you. Is it lack of resources or that they don't think you're entitled (which is a blooming joke if that's the case).

Reablement will be stopping soon and agency carers taking over. Dreading that as even the SW told me that the service won't be as good. The SW also said if I ask for my mum to be found a place in a home it could happen as soon as a few weeks. I can't do that yet as I need to figure out my housing situation and if the council give me notice to quit without rehousing me I will near a clear head to do so :( I just need to settle somewhere, let's hope I can


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Lack of resources bit down now but I will be okay , got to be think I can't be bothered with the so called services anymore ! I understand you wanting to wait a bit as its a big decision and affects your housing too.


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Don't give up with the services...maybe just have a break from trying for now...I'm so sorry and it's so frustrating. I hope you and hubby have a lovely evening and I hope you both get a restful night...it's a tiring job being a carer


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Don't give up with the services...maybe just have a break from trying for now...I'm so sorry and it's so frustrating. I hope you and hubby have a lovely evening and I hope you both get a restful night...it's a tiring job being a carer


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Hello Kazza , sorry I haven't replied but had a few dark days ! I hope mum is better after hospital and that you have managed to get a bit of sleep?! Working and looking after your mum must be exhausting and sleep deprivation is the worst! Thinking of you xxx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Bless you chick. Sorry you're having a tough time (or rather tougher time than usual)...hoping it's easier this weekend. Mums been been getting out of bed since 4am this morning....each time I've said to her it's too early and to go back to bed, which she does, but then I was scared to sleep as I knew she's be up again. Caught mum trying to 'wash up' yesterday, ie. she pours her cup of tea on the floor in a corner of the room and tries to 'dry' the cup with anything she can get her hands on, paper, tissues, plastic bags. This is no longer a home as she's destroying it more and more. The awful thing I've come to realise is the majority of us on here are, or will be, going through the same stress. It's horrible to think that....

I hope you and hubby have good days this weekend, sounds like you have a good family :)



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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Bless you chick. Sorry you're having a tough time (or rather tougher time than usual)...hoping it's easier this weekend. Mums been been getting out of bed since 4am this morning....each time I've said to her it's too early and to go back to bed, which she does, but then I was scared to sleep as I knew she's be up again. Caught mum trying to 'wash up' yesterday, ie. she pours her cup of tea on the floor in a corner of the room and tries to 'dry' the cup with anything she can get her hands on, paper, tissues, plastic bags. This is no longer a home as she's destroying it more and more. The awful thing I've come to realise is the majority of us on here are, or will be, going through the same stress. It's horrible to think that....

I hope you and hubby have good days this weekend, sounds like you have a good family :)



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Morning Kazza :) I think you are right, everyone on here has a story to tell! Things must be so hard for you and I admire your strength! I do hope you will get a better care package in place as you need to look after yourself too!!! Always be kind to yourself . We are all doing the best we can. Thinking of you big hugs xxx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Thanks chick...thinking of you too...2 weeks until Mother's Day, I wonder if my brother or his grasping daughters will send mum a card. 3 years since they turned their back on mum, two reasons they did that, the first she was becoming more narky and difficult (hey welcome to my world) and secondly I put a stop to them conning her out of her money. I don't think my brother had his hand out, but his wife and daughters definitely did. The second youngest is 21 and never had a job and now she's pregnant from what I hear! Great, more kids for to be brought up on benefits! One good thing I got from mum is the belief that one has to work for their money. Mum did graft to be fair to her, she has her faults but that was one of her strengths


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
Thanks chick...thinking of you too...2 weeks until Mother's Day, I wonder if my brother or his grasping daughters will send mum a card. 3 years since they turned their back on mum, two reasons they did that, the first she was becoming more narky and difficult (hey welcome to my world) and secondly I put a stop to them conning her out of her money. I don't think my brother had his hand out, but his wife and daughters definitely did. The second youngest is 21 and never had a job and now she's pregnant from what I hear! Great, more kids for to be brought up on benefits! One good thing I got from mum is the belief that one has to work for their money. Mum did graft to be fair to her, she has her faults but that was one of her strengths


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Hiya Kazza , don't mean to ignore your posts but hubby hasent been too well! . I do pop in to catch up with things and write the odd update so plz bare with me ?! How are things with mum? I have been awake since 230 and just can't go back to sleep . Mind wanders doesn't it ! Do most of my thinking in the middle of the night lol . Hope things are not to bad with you?! Xxxx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
Don't worry chick...I do understand, caring is a full time job...you're not having a great time are you. Lack of sleep is the worst. Mums driving me nuts but she's in bed most of the night, I really feel for you :(

I cancelled the afternoon visits from reablement...I keep the kitchen door locked as there are way too many hazards in there, cooker, syringes (cat is diabetic lol), knives, kettle etc and for the third time after reminding them previously, they left the door open and I came home to a trashed kitchen. Mum will have to have packed lunches until


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chick1962

Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
11,282
near Folkestone
I get home. Hopefully when we get agency carers in they won't be so careless


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Oh Kazza it's all so difficult for you and I just can't imagine how you must feel! Do get help and support and shout loud!!! My hubby is fairly good during the day and still has capacity, he just declines after 6 o clock and the nights can be a bit hard! When I read your posts , I think myself very lucky still! Even had better nights sleep as John has had a UTI and slept better . How strange is that!! He was up yesterday and sat in the sun in the conservatory and is already much better. The sun makes so much difference to ppl with dementia so roll on spring! Here's hoping for a better day for you xxxxx


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Kazza72

Registered User
Feb 10, 2015
202
West London
I feel for you chick as it must be so hard when it's your partner/spouse....

You know what is killing me at the mo? It the fact that my mother has loads of siblings... A daughter (that would be me) and a son who has 3 grown children and 2 stepchildren and none of them bother. They robbed her blond when they did have contact with her. 3 years since my brother last had contact with mum. I hate them all for this. I can never ever forgive them, not only for abandoning mum and turning their backs on her...but for abandoning me too.e and mum had done a lot for them over the years. One niece had the audacity to say "I can't cope with seeing her like that" - was she joking???? Seriously???? I am stunned at how selfish they all are. Friends are only marginally better, not a lot, but a bit... Mini rant over lol

I hope your family are better than mine....my guess is they are :) hope you're having a good day today. The sun is shining...hope this helps hubby




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