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In need of a virtual hug

Cherbills

Registered User
Feb 1, 2016
6
Big Hug

Has everyone knows by now (who have read my posts) dad does not sleep at night and we have just had three weeks from hell with him.. Don't want to bore anyone with the details but after last night I rang the doctor and told him that I needed emergency respite and explained what had been going on... He decided to come out and assess dad and on telling him that Dad had been having some intermittent shoulder and chest pain he sent us to the hospital.. I've just returned and learned that dad has had a mild heart attack discovered by a blood test as he has a pacemaker.. I feel so bad because I have been losing my patience with him due to lack of sleep... So need a hug please... Also the raid team are going to assess him whilst he is in hospital because his moods are turning to aggression.. I'm just hoping that they will be able to come up with some solution for his sleeplessness.. Feel better now I've got it off my chest.. Exhausted 2015 xx
Hi I am new to this forum and really want to give you the hug you need. We all need a good hug once in a while. I have been taking care of my mom for 2 years now and she is getting pretty bad people keep telling me it is time to put her in a home but that decision is so very hard to make, even though I am exhausted and my own health issues are making it even harder. Do not feel guilty and try to get some rest.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Hi I am new to this forum and really want to give you the hug you need. We all need a good hug once in a while. I have been taking care of my mom for 2 years now and she is getting pretty bad people keep telling me it is time to put her in a home but that decision is so very hard to make, even though I am exhausted and my own health issues are making it even harder. Do not feel guilty and try to get some rest.
Morning Cherbills. Welcome to TP, it's a great wee place to get moral support and some advice. I know what you mean about putting your mum in a home, I would be reluctant to put my OH in a home however bad she gets. But you have to look after yourself sometimes, so hope you can get some respite even if its' just a walk in the woods and quiet pint of beer somewhere.

Morning Lou, glad you had a good trip to Edinburgh. OH does seem to settle once she knows I'm there, but it must be a bit stranger when it's your mum. Hope you got some rest and will both be alright.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Morning Exhausted, it's getting busy here :). Not seen you for a few days, so hope you are ok and getting over your own illness. All the best to your dad, hope he is over his chest infection. Rob.

A quick hello to Heidi and her dad, hope you are well.
 

hvml

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
297
North Cornwall
Hi Rob

Me and Dad are fine thanks, although he has been sleeping a lot, which brings its own challenges - the main one being that he is very unsteady when it comes to making his way to the loo. Hope he will have had enough sleep and be more awake today.
How are you and OH doing? I'm so happy that the days are drawing out and Spring is around the corner. Time goes by so quickly!!

Morning exhausted - I hope you are feeling better and that your Dad has stabilized. Keep smiling and know that we are thinking of you.

Lots of love,Heidi xx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Hi Rob

Me and Dad are fine thanks, although he has been sleeping a lot, which brings its own challenges - the main one being that he is very unsteady when it comes to making his way to the loo. Hope he will have had enough sleep and be more awake today.
How are you and OH doing? I'm so happy that the days are drawing out and Spring is around the corner. Time goes by so quickly!!

Morning exhausted - I hope you are feeling better and that your Dad has stabilized. Keep smiling and know that we are thinking of you.

Lots of love,Heidi xx
Evening Heidi, sorry about your dad and his sleeping problem. does he have low blood pressure? We are getting by after a wee wobble on Tuesday, thanks. Also looking forward to spring and hoping to get back to Dartmoor after a nature programme about it a couple of weeks ago.

Hope all is well for you and your dad, Exhausted.
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Hi Rob

Me and Dad are fine thanks, although he has been sleeping a lot, which brings its own challenges - the main one being that he is very unsteady when it comes to making his way to the loo. Hope he will have had enough sleep and be more awake today.
How are you and OH doing? I'm so happy that the days are drawing out and Spring is around the corner. Time goes by so quickly!!

Morning exhausted - I hope you are feeling better and that your Dad has stabilized. Keep smiling and know that we are thinking of you.

Lots of love,Heidi xx
Good evening Heidi,rob and Lou ,sorry again for the delay still not feeling 100% ,Heidi I do hope that your dad is doing OK and yes I too am looking forward to the arrival of spring the dark nights have been here long enough now haven't they ...and rob I hope that you have recovered from your meal the other day , I do hope that you and oh will get to Dartmoor , as for dad he's not out of the woods yet and is still on the frail elderly ward.he is now dehydrated so is on fluids as well has anti biotics ..he has also picked up an hospital Bourne infection... And to top it off he got terribly confused the other evening and pulled his cannular and catheter out causing him a lot of trauma down below so now the staff are keeping a close eye on how much blood is going into his catheter ..it never rains but it pours ...and if that wasn't enough he has been non complaint with the nurses and when I got there today he was really nasty but I did manage to get him in a better mood...poor thing I think he's had enough of being in hospital... Thanks again my friends for taking the time to enquire... I hope that you all have a restful night xxx
 

hvml

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
297
North Cornwall
Gosh exhausted. I really do feel for you and your Dad. What a terrible time you are both going through. It's so awful for him and just as bad for you. I'm glad to hear that you were able to lift his spirits a little with your gentle comfort. It makes you think of the people in hospital who don't have anyone. I'm not surprised that he has had enough of being there. Your days must be looking very bleak. Are you feeling better and sleeping OK? I can imagine you must be finding it really hard. ((((((((hugs)))))))) My Dad is ok but not the cheery chappie he was a little while ago. Being so sleepy means that he is wobbly on his feet and unsteady. Yesterday wasn't quite such a heavy sleep, so a bit less fraught. Because of the pain in his ankle ( ulcer- a bad one ) he is not sleeping so well at night, so it stands to reason that he is asleep in the day. The nurses are coming to dress it today. I'm always glad to see them.

Morning Rob. I hope you and oh have a good day . I do admire the way you find things to do together and make the most of a hard situation. Keep smiling

Love to all

Heidi xx and
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Your poor old dad Exhausted, all those drips and tubes, no wonder he is grumpy . Don't worry too much about giving us updates, just know we are always here thinking of you both. Sometimes after a hospital visit you just want to open a bottle of beer and put on a music dvd.

A little early spring daffy for you. :)
 

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nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Morning Heidi, sorry your dad is in the wars too. OH is always sleeping in the daytime too, she gets up three or four times some times so probably needs it too. Getting away is a bit selfish actually, if I don't get some fresh air I will go stir crazy. :)
All the best with the nurses and hope the ulcer heals soon.
 

Louby65

Registered User
Mar 26, 2014
619
Scotland
Hello exhausted , heidi and rob . I'm sorry things are not so good . Exhausted , you must be so drained , with everything thats happening with your dad . He really sounds like a fighter but having had experience of my mum being in hospital and watching this vulnerable person being looked after in unfamiliar surroundings can be quite distressing . It didn't make it any easier being a nurse , in fact it made it worse cause I knew what could go wrong and being frustrated at some things . I hope your dad is getting the care he deserves and that you are happy with his care . I will keep my fingers crossed he turns the corner soon . Heidi , I hope your dad is feeling a bit better and that his ulcer is healing . Rob , I hope your OH is on the mend after the wobble and that you plan your trip to Dartmoor soon , when the better weather comes in . Was just thinking it would be nice to take my mum away for a few days . Last time we were away was 2 years ago in March . My mum was really disorientated and ended up in hospital 2 weeks later . It's worried me a bit thinking it might happen again but I know she always liked going away so I might just do it . Sending all of you my best wishes . Take care . Lou
 

hvml

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
297
North Cornwall
Morning Exhausted. I hope your dear Dad is more comfortable and feeling less stressed in his situation. I also hope that you are a bit better in your health and well being. My thoughts are with you both as you go through these setbacks together. Keep your strength up. It must be so hard. As has been said, don't worry yourself about posting until it is convenient for you. We will be thinking of you all the while. Xx

Morning Rob and Louby.
Thanks so much for the pic of the daffodil. It's so bright and sunny!
It's pouring with rain and cold outside, so I will be on the sofa doing my knitting. It's great to have a hobby that can keep me occupied while I keep Dad company. Yesterday he was a bit wobbly when he woke up, but the day got better as it progressed.
He didn't complain at all about pain in his ankle, so that was a good thing. The nurses come 3 times a week and on the other days, I change the dressing. It's a nasty one. I think they are going to do a second angioplasty as he has very poor circulation in his leg. Even if you feel selfish going out and about, your OH will be benefitting in lots of ways Ron- fresh air, exercise, change of scenery and you are making some happy memories to hold on to during this hardest time. Keep it up and don't feel bad. I think it is a great idea to take your Mum away for the same reasons Lou. It would be good for both of you.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Morning Lou, Heidi and Exhausted.

Thanks Heidi, a bit of excercise is good for OH, though sometimes she is reluctant. Most times she remembers after looking at a photo of the day, so it is worth it. Hope your dad's ulcer gets better and you enjoy your knitting.

OH is over her wobble now though Lou, thanks. Like you I am always worried about tiring her out too much, so have to pick our moments. You could ease your mum into it with a couple of day trips, see how she goes.

Exhausted, just look after yourself and keep your strength up, send my best to your dad. Ron :)

By the way, I would recommend an Indian Head Massage and a bit of reiki for relaxation if you get the time. First session of both yesterday and feeling so much more relaxed already. Today I only got a wee bit worried by a car getting too close in the rain, rather than the usual road colourful language. :)
 
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exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Morning Lou, Heidi and Exhausted.

Thanks Heidi, a bit of excercise is good for OH, though sometimes she is reluctant. Most times she remembers after looking at a photo of the day, so it is worth it. Hope your dad's ulcer gets better and you enjoy your knitting.

OH is over her wobble now though Lou, thanks. Like you I am always worried about tiring her out too much, so have to pick our moments. You could ease your mum into it with a couple of day trips, see how she goes.

Exhausted, just look after yourself and keep your strength up, send my best to your dad. Ron :)

By the way, I would recommend an Indian Head Massage and a bit of reiki for relaxation if you get the time. First session of both yesterday and feeling so much more relaxed already. Today I only got a wee bit worried by a car getting too close in the rain, rather than the usual road colourful language. :)
Good afternoon Heidi,rob and Lou, hope that everyone is OK, hope your mum is OK Lou and Heidi hope your dads leg is healing...and rob did you get some fresh air ...its been awful here today non stop heavy rain so no fresh air for me today ...by the way rob I liked the photo of the daffodil... Let's hope spring is just around the corner
I am feeling a little better today at long last but poor dad is still poorly he had to have a blood transfusion yesterday as his bloods showed anaemia ,the nurse said that we should see an improvement today ...but sadly he's not looking too good and the nurse tells me she is concerned about the amount of blood in his catheter bag.he hasn't pulled at it again so I don't know what is wrong..I'm going to track a doctor down tomorrow I would say I am really worried now but I've done nothing but worry about him,the only good thing I can say is that he his in the right place .going to go now hope you all have a good evening and let's hope tomorrow's weather is better xxxx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Evening Exhausted, good to hear you are feeling a bit better. Sorry your dad is still struggling, really hope you can get some answers from the doctors tomorrow or if not then Monday and he starts to improve soon. Glad you liked the daffy, let's hope spring is nearly here. All the best to you both as ever, Rob
 
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hvml

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
297
North Cornwall
Hi Exhausted.

Me too, glad to hear that your health is improving. Your poor Dad is really going through the mill, but as you say - he is in the right place and they are being proactive. It might be that it's taken time to settle and that you will see an improvement tomorrow. I'm sure you have rehearsed your questions for the doctor over and over in your head, but how about writing them down so that they don't sideline you in any way. Doctors are good at that, I've found.

I hope you get some sleep and wake with new energy to get through another distressing day.

We have had shocking weather today too. Floods all over the place, but our village is on a hill, so we are lucky.

(((((((((Thinking of you both)))))))))))

Love Heidi xx
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Hi Exhausted.

Me too, glad to hear that your health is improving. Your poor Dad is really going through the mill, but as you say - he is in the right place and they are being proactive. It might be that it's taken time to settle and that you will see an improvement tomorrow. I'm sure you have rehearsed your questions for the doctor over and over in your head, but how about writing them down so that they don't sideline you in any way. Doctors are good at that, I've found.

I hope you get some sleep and wake with new energy to get through another distressing day.

We have had shocking weather today too. Floods all over the place, but our village is on a hill, so we are lucky.

(((((((((Thinking of you both)))))))))))

Love Heidi xx
Good evening Heidi,rob and Lou, hope that all of you are OK and that your loved ones are all well...please update me when you get a min...I am feeling much better but have noticed on taking our dog on his usual walk on the fields that I am not as fit as before yet..but that is trivial compared to poor dad ..I'm calling on you for your support again ( I'm a pain aren't I ) the hospital called me today as the doctor wanted a chat with me and it turned out that she wanted to ask me about DNR ..I was a bit taken aback but given all dads health issues apart from his mixed dementia I agreed to DNR she said it was my decision due to dads lack of capacity... I can't help feeling that I have signed his death warrant ..has anyone else felt this way ? ...to get back to dad ..he can't seem to manage without the oxygen ( the doctor told me ) also he now has a uti amongst other issues oh and they are now keeping a log of his nightly sleeping pattern and tweaking his evening meds has he is still not sleeping they can't send him back to the mental health hospital yet as he is not medically fit so they are trying to get his day and night the right way round for me ..bless them ..the staff have been brilliant... Well I have rambled on enough... Sorry but I do feel better now...so goodnight all hope it is a peaceful one for you all xxx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,794
Yorkshire
Hi exhausted 2015
I just checked my laptop before bed and saw your post
your dad is a trooper and I'm glad you feel that the staff are doing well by him, it's the least he deserves - and it must be a comfort to you that he is in safe hands
I too agreed a DNR for dad, it's on his records, not as a 'death warrant', that's not how it is honestly - but I can't bear the thought of his time coming naturally and the medics feeling that they have to intervene because they have no other directive, then he continues with no quality of life at all - that's what it's about - everything will still be as it is now for your dad, he will continue to be well cared for - it's just a precaution to allow him to go as peacefully as possible when it is his time
signing it for him is just another gift you are giving as the loving daughter you are
I hope your mind is at peace about it - and that you have a good night's sleep
 

hvml

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
297
North Cornwall
Morning Exhausted

I hope you have had some sleep. I'm so sorry to hear that things continue to be so difficult for you. It's such a hard decision to make on your Dad's behalf, but the way Shedrech explains it is the way I will see it when it comes to me - a way to let him go peacefully and naturally. I have read about the trauma that can occur during resuscitation and it doesn't seem fair to put a frail person through that. The other main issue is the quality of life. By signing it, you have given him the gift of blessed peace - when it comes. He may yet rally - trooper that he is - but you have ensured that he has the best care, in the best place, after all your years of giving him the best of yourself. It's clear what a dedicated daughter you are and that whatever the problem this awful disease has thrown up, you have cared for your Dad with love in your heart. You have listened to the doctor with that same enduring love and thinking of your Dad, not yourself.

I am thinking of you and all that you are both going through. You are doing so well to keep a brave face on and make such hard decisions in a loving way.

Keep your strength up and take care of yourself too.

(((((((((((((Lots of love)))))))))))

Heidi xx xx
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,574
Bristol
Morning Exhausted, good to see you are feeling up to a walk in the fields. Sorry about your dad and his ongoing troubles. We are both doing ok here, even made it out to a concert last night, thanks for asking.

Sorry I don't know much about DNRs, so will bow to Shedrech's experience.

Best wishes to you both and all the best to Heidi and her dad.
 
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