I'm at the end of what I can cope with.I read all these posts about coping strategies and all sorts of stuff to buy to help when things get tough but I'm absolutely exhausted by the day to day life,add to that no release for even an hour on my own.I'm so tired by 7pm,I'd give anything for just an hour to sit and read in peace.I do go out each Monday with my friend for a walk but get up to 20 calls from OH during the hour we're out"where are you" "when are you coming home".He's up and down during the night fully dressed,I have to get him undressed and in bed each time.He's on mirtazapine and zopiclone but I've stopped giving him the latter cos he's so unsteady and keeps coming downstairs,I'm scared he'll fall and I wouldn't be able to help him,he's 6ft and 13 stone😩He goes to daycare each Wed which is a blessed relief😊
I'm done😭
- Thread starter sunshine chrissy
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Ah Chrissy that’s awful it’s no wonder you are at the end of your tether! You need to get some help or you will go under, which is no good for anyone. Have you been to your GP to tell them how you feel? I know that meds are not the answer for every carer teetering on the brink but they can be a big help. If not meds the GP can be a great link to helpful local organisations. At the end of the day if nothing else works you need to get out, and tell social services that you are going and leaving a vulnerable person. I used to think that I could never do that and it almost ended with me harming myself but what use is that to anyone? I know now that if it comes to it I will walk. I hope it doesn’t but it has been helpful to me personally to accept that. Sending lots of love xxx
@sunshine chrissy You sound as if you are reaching carer breakdown and you cannot continue as things presently are. Sapphire has given you good advice, please contact your GP as a matter of urgency and explain how you feel.
Also contact your local authority or adult social services to tell them that you have reached carer breakdown and need urgent help. You need proper help with the day to day care of your husband and proper respite where you can manage to have a walk without being bombarded with calls.
Also contact your local authority or adult social services to tell them that you have reached carer breakdown and need urgent help. You need proper help with the day to day care of your husband and proper respite where you can manage to have a walk without being bombarded with calls.
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No,he goes to daycare each Wednesday and seems to enjoy it,I'm waiting for a financial assessment to see how much I have to pay,we've no savings to speak of,they got wiped out with living since he lost his job 3 years ago,waiting for diagnosis.It's a waiting game as is everything these days,hopefully it'll be a good outcome and he can go more days🤞
It would be good if he could go more days but that still leaves you coping with those awful nights! In your situation, I think that maybe a full weeks respite once every 6-8 weeks would be good...My Mum eventually did this from sheer desperation to recharge her own batteries and for a time, until Dad went into hospital and then permanent nursing care, it worked very well. She could go to bed when she wanted, sleep well, get up at her own pace instead of being catapulted from 0-100 immediately upon waking! She visited some friends, did some gardening, read a couple of books and generally de-stressed a little. I hope I'm not overstepping but when the nights get bad.... you need to care for you too!
@sunshine chrissy I am so sorry, this sounds horrendous. Have you spoken to your doctor and told them you have reached carer breakdown? And I can only repeat what others have said - if it is too much - pack your bags, leave, tell SS that you can't take it any more. It never ceases to amaze me that carers are left to reach this point, that we have to fight so hard for any help, and in my case it was suggested that I leave, sell my home and leave myself with nothing at 66. We have no savings, my OH was self employed and ran up huge debts. I am paying the minimum amount for respite in a fabulous council run care home, you need to look after yourself - do you think your husband needs 24 hour care?
Thank you Sonya,I feel I'm where you're mum was now,it's exactly that,catapulted from 0-100 soon as I wake up,well put!! I'm sat here now at 11pm trying to watch a drama on tv,no chance,he's shouting down"where's Pearl(our dog)I can't find her"She's sat with me asleep😩You get the picture! I need to shout out a little louder to the people that may help me and admit I'm not coping so well.
I'm getting to that point now,the person he's become is the absolute opposite to the person he was.I don't love him anymore and here I am,his 24/7 carer with no money for my future.His family are no help,my family are my lifesavers,they're all worried about me,we've got an appt with the psychiatric consultant this week,our usual 6 month appt,things have changed so much recently,I'll have to ramp myself up and shout out about it now😩Thanks so much for your post❤️
I hope you get the help you need, it sounds like you are reaching the end of what you can deal with now. I am glad your family are supporting you, it means so much that others understand. And yes you must tell the consultant you can no longer cope - I reached that point and finally got help, but you do have to shout. I feel the same as you, I am just a carer, there is no love and I am exhausted. My OH was not an easy man so in that respect I have not lost as much, if anything it has made me understand more about the sort of man I have been living with and realised I should have expected more!! I just want it over, for both of us. He does nothing all day, he can dress and feed himself, is not incontinent, but has no other meaningful functioning. It is not much of a life. I do everything, work 3 afternoons a week and will have no choice but to carry on working for as long as possible due to my husbands business mistakes. It's a terrible disease for the sufferer and the carer. Take care xxx
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