Life has changed

[Angel 4]

How do you cope and deal with life changing and it’s all out of anyone’s control… I’m really struggling with so many feelings and emotions, a diagnosis of dementia is so much more than just memory loss! It’s changed everything.. just need to share this today 😔

 

[Izzy]

I’m sorry you’re struggling @Angel 4.

You’re right. Dementia changes everything - for the person with the diagnosis and for the loved ones who care for them.

I’m glad you’ve come here to share. I hope posting helps you to feel less alone. You’re amongst people who understand.

 

[Grannie G]

It is life changing @Angel 4 both for the carer and the one being cared for.

What saw me through when I was caring for my husband was it could so easily have been the other way round and he had been the one having to care for me.

I tried to keep reminding myself when things got tough.

 

[Kevinl]

Share away always someone here to listen. K

 

[Bevhar]

How do you cope and deal with life changing and it’s all out of anyone’s control… I’m really struggling with so many feelings and emotions, a diagnosis of dementia is so much more than just memory loss! It’s changed everything.. just need to share this today 😔

I agree it does change absolutely everything I feel I’m just existing can find joy in anything As I am writing this I’m in tears Everyday is a struggle I feel worn out & don’t want to be here Can I ask who you are caring for It’s my
husband it’s so sad and I feel awful but I lose my patience frequently I just want to run away sometimes This forum is an absolute lifeline

 

[Bevhar]

It is life changing @Angel 4 both for the carer and the one being cared for.

What saw me through when I was caring for my husband was it could so easily have been the other way round and he had been the one having to care for me.

I tried to keep reminding myself when things got tough.

That’s what I think my husband would be wonderful if it was the other way round But it’s so hard I feel I’m just existing it’s not a life

 

[maggie6445]

Hi @Angel 4 , I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment. You're right, dementia is so much more than just forgetfulness. Have you had a carers assessment?
It's not something I've done as I'm retired but I note you are young with teenagers and working part time. I'd be struggling too!

A carers assessment might give you the help you need to continue working and manage family life. You owe it to everyone in the family to get any help available. X

 

[maggie6445]

@Bevhar , I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. I'm seventy in September and this life certainly isn't what I'd thought I'd have. Please see your Dr . You've had a a difficult few weeks and it's easy to let things get on top of you when you don't feel too good yourself..

Oh... A lot of us think our other halves would have made better carers but the reality is I don't think they would. They too would get tired ,impatient and at times resentful because the nature of caring wears us all out especially when it's 24/7.

And yes.. I do it because I know he would have tried to if it were the other way round! In fact he used to tell me so as my family has a lot of dementia in it and I feared I'd get it too. Still might but he's got off the caring !

Be kinder to yourself x

 

[Bevhar]

@Bevhar , I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. I'm seventy in September and this life certainly isn't what I'd thought I'd have. Please see your Dr . You've had a a difficult few weeks and it's easy to let things get on top of you when you don't feel too good yourself..

Oh... A lot of us think our other halves would have made better carers but the reality is I don't think they would. They too would get tired ,impatient and at times resentful because the nature of caring wears us all out especially when it's 24/7.

And yes.. I do it because I know he would have tried to if it were the other way round! In fact he used to tell me so as my family has a lot of dementia in it and I feared I'd get it too. Still might but he's got off the caring !

Be kinder to yourself x

Thank you I’m seeing my doctor on Tuesday it’s not my usual doctor it’s a male doctor but at least I’ve got an appointment I feel rock bottom at the moment I feel so lost & some people seem to manage well It’s been another trying day today Hopefully tomorrow will be better Thanks for your kind words I really appreciate it xx

 

[Grannie G]

That’s what I think my husband would be wonderful if it was the other way round But it’s so hard I feel I’m just existing it’s not a life

My husband would have fallen at the first hurdle He had many strengths and good qualities but coping with illness wasn’t one of them

I had to have parathyroid surgery on my neck. It wasn’t major but the outcome was visible when I had clips on my neck instead of stitches. Our son had to visit first to check how it looked before my husband would come near me.

On the other hand our grandchildren couldn’t wait 😊

 

[Grannie G]

Sometimes a new doctor is better than the one you see regularly @Bevhar They see you from a new perspective which can be most beneficial

I’ve found this when seeing Locums at my surgery.

Fingers crossed. I hope he will help you.

 

[Bevhar]

My husband would have fallen at the first hurdle He had many strengths and good qualities but coping with illness wasn’t one of them

I had to have parathyroid surgery on my neck. It wasn’t major but the outcome was visible when I had clips on my neck instead of stitches. Our son had to visit first to check how it looked before my husband would come near me.

On the other hand our grandchildren couldn’t wait 😊

My husband is fine he was very good when I had my knee replacement Just struggling at the moment I need to get my act together thanks for your kind response x

 

[maggie6445]

"some people seem to manage well ". @Bevhar , the point is" they seem". Different personalities , different dementia issues. No two people are the same but I think most would think they're not coping sometimes. Some just better at smiling , but some smiles are a front. Xx

Some are good carers short term but after months, of all work , all responsibility , no thanks I think it would affect the best of them !

 

[Bevhar]

Sometimes a new doctor is better than the one you see regularly @Bevhar They see you from a new perspective which can be most beneficial

I’ve found this when seeing Locums at my surgery.

Fingers crossed. I hope he will help you.

Yes you are most probably right.

 

[Kevinl]

Couldn't agree more than to say to thank what maggie just posted, outside we look calm and smile, inside our heads we are screaming and want it all to end, wife and mum, been a long time .
As a (now former carer for both wife and mum) did I get more offers of help, man looking after a woman/women, maybe, but you're never alone on here. K