I need words of encouragement and support

[Grannie G]

Hello Jeany

You are trying to find the best way to get through a very difficult situation and taking the brunt as usual.

I remember how confused and upset Allen was when the Day Centre didn`t heed your request not to tell him about respite. However confused and upset he may be tomorrow at least it is for the shortest period possible.

What is so awful is the burden you` re carrying . You`ll need more than repute at this rate.

Please be a bit kinder to yourself. You give Allen everything you possibly can and have no need for guilt.

Have a lovely break with your daughter and a good rest.

 

[jeany123]

Thank you Barb and Polly, Winda and Sylvia,
Well we went through the usual I can stay here I will eat dry bread and biscuits, I have a home here I'm not going anywhere", to, "you need a rest I don't mind going to the CH for a few days,you go where you want I don't care" so there has been lot's of tears but I can't see how I could handle it any differently,
I think this is the best it can be, he has now asked me what day it is where I am going and when he is coming home about 40 times in half a hour so it is good that I didn't tell him any earlier,
He is singing "have you ever been lonely have you ever been blue have you ever loved anyone like I like Irish stew' so probably everything is ok,

 

[Izzy]

Oh dear Jeany. You need that break. xx

 

[1954]

Today's the day isn't it? Have a lovely rest and 'try' to enjoy. This is for you

 

[CeliaW]

Hope its going a little better now Jeany. Difficult though it is, you know you are doing the right thing for both Allen and your future well being.

I hope the break away with your daughter (and the other days) give you the restorative time you need and the days are sprinkled with little pleasures that put a smile on your face.

Take care xx

 

[BeckyJan]

You have done the right thing in leaving it until last minute to tell Alan. I remember the agony of all this so well but know how important it is to have that break. I found it a slightly easier when someone collected David rather than me driving him myself to respite.

You know Alan will be cared for so please try to relax and enjoy your break.

 

[grandmajill]

I need words of encouragement and support please, as you may know my husband Allen is going for 5 nights respite tomorrow, he doesn't know,
Last time I never told him he was going until that morning and it went ok but it doesn't seem right keeping things from him,
Even though I know it's what's best but I still keep going to tell him, I know some of you will think "just get on with it" it is easy to say but not so easy when it is me doing it,
He looked so confused and puzzled last time when I told him as he got up that morning,
I know that it is for the best and saves him a lot of stress and agitation but I have the stress instead,
I feel quite ill at the thought of telling him, life is unfair isn't it,

hello jeany i know how you feel it is very difficult but you need this break to give you the strength to carry on and you and your daughter need time together to keep each other strong.

 

[Grannie G]

He is singing "have you ever been lonely have you ever been blue have you ever loved anyone like I like Irish stew' so probably everything is ok,

Jeany that made me laugh but I know I would`t be laughing if I had to listen to it a dozen times.

Allen is not suffering if he is singing. Enjoy your respite. xx

 

[Hair Twiddler]

Hello Jeany,
I hope all is still going as well as it can. One of my most used phrases to describe how I am, mum is, my hand (I have a very bad cut) is "fair to middlin'" - it seems to cover all the bases without actually saying anything and is a whole lot better than saying "Okay" all the time. So in my round about way I'm saying that I really do hope that your & Allen's day is fair to middlin' or even better.
Sending a hug.

 

[Noorza]

Jeany that made me laugh but I know I would`t be laughing if I had to listen to it a dozen times.

Allen is not suffering if he is singing. Enjoy your respite. xx

I totally agree with you Grannie.

 

[rajahh]

Hope the transport comes soon and you can begin to relax. It is hard when they cry, but lovely when they sing

Jeannette

 

[jeany123]

Thank you everyone, it has been a harrowing couple of hours but he went fine once they came for him, he was even waving as the minibus pulled away,

 

[Izzy]

Oh that's good Jeany. Now you enjoy yourself. x

 

[1954]

Jeany wonderful news. I think is hardest for us not the one we care for. Enjoy your time alone x

 

[Saffie]

I expect Allen has left by now.
Have a lovely rest Jeany.
All will be well. xxx

 

[1954]

Allen will be safe, warm, well fed and will have lovely company so it will be a holiday for him x

 

[flowerpot]

We have to tell 'white lies' to MiL all of the time and it's not nice to do but these things have to be dealt with as best as we can manage.

I'm pleased that Allen's happier than you thought he would be when he left. So now take the time to try and relax. Have you any plans for the respite?

 

[truth24]

respite

Hope all goes OK for you. Have yet to face this but we have a family wedding coming up early next year and my daughter and granddaughter have suggested that my husband goes into respite and I go with them for the weekend. It feels quite wrong to exclude him from a family wedding when we have all been so close so am worrying already about what to do! Think I may say that neither of us will go but then will probably feel sad about not being there to celebrate with them. Have a little while yet so maybe something will happen to make the decision for me! But, as you say, how do I tell him.

 

[benjie]

Hi Jeany123

I do hope things are ok today. It is very difficult I know. Where my hubby went on respite a couple of times they came out to assess him each time so that at least he may have 1 face he could identify.

However the last time he was assessed was for a permanent residency. I actually had no real control over the decision on this occasion as it was deemed totally (on this occasion) in his best interests
I have over the last 3 months found that he has more care than I could possibly give him on my own. They have people to cook and feed people, staff can interact on an individual basis - please provide memory boxes and albums - and they can get up and go to bed when they want. If they want a pyjama day - that's cool too.

The idea is - everything revolves about what they want,

I really hope you find some peace od mind

Beat wishes Benjie

 

[1954]

Hope all goes OK for you. Have yet to face this but we have a family wedding coming up early next year and my daughter and granddaughter have suggested that my husband goes into respite and I go with them for the weekend. It feels quite wrong to exclude him from a family wedding when we have all been so close so am worrying already about what to do! Think I may say that neither of us will go but then will probably feel sad about not being there to celebrate with them. Have a little while yet so maybe something will happen to make the decision for me! But, as you say, how do I tell him.

I do hope the decision is made for you as it is so much easier. With my MIL after someone came to assess her she immediately forgot the visit. When I took her I told her nothing but just said we are going out. Once you get to the respite the staff are fantastic and are used to dealing with this and will take over. It breaks your heart but sometimes we have to have the break to survive.