I miss my mum

[Gosling]

Hi.
I joined this forum for exactly this reason. I feel like I am already grieving for my Mum who is physically still with us but to all intents and purposes, is actually 'gone'. I am struggling with such a huge range of emotions and thoughts right now, some of which I actually feel quite ashamed of. (i.e. it would be better for everyone if Mum passed away) - really hate myself for thinking this but I know she is now in the condition she absolutely dreaded and expressed as much when she was aware enough.

I'd just like to welcome you to the forum, and so sorry to read of your Mum's situation. It is so hard and painful to witness a loved one gradually decline. I had the same with my Mum, and I had the same thoughts as you at times.... I just wanted her to be free of this horrible disease and be at peace. So please don't feel ashamed or guilty of such thoughts. Its natural. We don't want to see out loved ones suffer.
Wishing you continued strength at this painful time.

 

[Firecatcher]

Sadly I had a difficult childhood and never had a close relationship with my Mum. I think what I grieve for is the relationship we never had. My grandparents were the people I loved and of course they’re long gone. I’m able to
respect what my Mum accomplished in her life and I hate what she’s been reduced to. I know Mum would have hated the person she’s become and would have wanted a swift exit from this awful disease. This won’t happen either as modern medicine will keep her wrapped in cotton wool.

 

[Sarasa]

My mother has recently died, and in lots of ways I'm relieved, though I'm also sad that dementia reduced her to what she became in her last couple of years.
At the moment I'm writing something to be read at the funeral, and it is bringing back what an amazing (if annoying at times) woman she was.

 

[Rachael03]

Hi.
I joined this forum for exactly this reason. I feel like I am already grieving for my Mum who is physically still with us but to all intents and purposes, is actually 'gone'. I am struggling with such a huge range of emotions and thoughts right now, some of which I actually feel quite ashamed of. (i.e. it would be better for everyone if Mum passed away) - really hate myself for thinking this but I know she is now in the condition she absolutely dreaded and expressed as much when she was aware enough.

I understand this..I have had the same thoughts about hoping it goes quick for mum...which is wishing her to pass sooner rather than later!! And I felt so ashamed to admit that I thought thay and sometimes still do. I think lots of us have probably had similar thoughts as part of the rollercoaster of grief and processing

 

[sdmhred]

I think many of us have those thoughts……and indeed isn’t that humane not to want to see our loved ones suffer?

 

[Tash33]

Hi. I am a relatively new member. My dad was diagnosed 8 weeks ago. Even though we knew it was coming, I was devastated. Have cried on and off since. Feels like I am constantly on the edge of tears. I am sad all the time despite being busy with work and my own family. Every phonecall to mum about her day with dad breaks my heart a little bit more. Despite starting meds, he continues to go down hill. He is so aggressive and is convinced mums cousin (male) who has visited our house for 50 years, is trying to take her away from him. He is totally bewildered by life ATM and no-one can help him. Someone told me that with this illness you grieve twice and I think that will be true.

 

[Chizz]

Hi. I've been caring for my wife for six year plus now. About 3 years ago, whilst I was attending an online carers support group in my area, I got v low. The support group organiser recommended a counsellor for me for my grieving for my wife, although she was v much alive. I accepted the offer and took three one hour sessions - offered for free. I was v lucky with the counsellor who was very understanding, and it helped quite a bit at that time.
Whilst there are still times when I get low, and I'm still missing the wonderful person I married more than 55 years ago, I feel I'm better equipped to cope. I know this will continue until my wife dies. I still have some wonderful memories of those happy and better times, and these are quite sustaining.
I think the children (I say children loosely as their in their 50's) have also been grieving, but the boys seem to admit this less than the girls. Maybe it a male thing to want to talk less about feelings.
I get through, as despite this post, I'm a naturally smiley person.