I am at breakdown today

[Winnie Kjaer]

I am more worried about the devastating effects on me. It feels like all the balls have fallen to the floor again and my mind is in turmoil. I am supposed to work on Monday and as a lot of you know I work from home and I can't possibly think of working from home with pee and pooh (if this happens) all over the place
I am devastated because the implications of each little thing are massive.Quote Helen

Dear Helen, I have just caught up with your thread and can see you are in a bad place again. I think you sound exhausted and this is why you have reacted so intensely to the incident which hopefully is a one off but even if it not, you have coped with worse things before. You say you are working on Monday, personally I think you may need some time out as you first planned. I am also wondering whether it is not now the time too look why you feel under so much pressure each time something new happens. Is it perhaps because working and caring at this level does not go too well hand in hand. I think you need to decide where you can ease off, can you leave out some work or do you need different arrangement or more assistance with Alan. It is not working for you at the moment is it? We need to be realistic knowing things get worse not better. I am sorry to be so blunt but you could soon make yourself ill and then you cannot work nor care. Take a deep breath stand still for a while and give it some serious thought please.
Big big hugs and warmest thoughts.Win

 

[sad nell]

Helen , think we expect too much of ourselves , and yes the thought of returning to work and caring for trevs needs, also gives me a kick in the stomach, but the customs and excise man does not appreciate this , so i have no choice but to work, would you be able to cope without work, it seems to be the mixture that is making you feel so out of control and believe me i understand. or does work able you to be you to have some self esteem, it is such a difficult descion and not one to be rushed, hope you are feeling better. if i can help in any way please pm me love pam

 

[larivy]

Helen glad Alans son has took Alan out for the day hope you had a nice relaxing day and made the most of it you deserve it hope you get some more help love and a big hug larivy

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

I was sitting here thinking about you and Alan,
what sort of day you have had in the end. Did Alan have a good day with his son and what about you Helen have you managed to relax and find yourself? Hope you are both alright, take care, thinking about you.Hugs, Win

 

[donkey]

just poping in to see how you are helen no news is good news i hope. xxx

 

[TinaT]

Sending you my love and understanding

xxTinaT

 

[timthumb]

i to am thinking of you .................

 

[Helen33]

You are all so wonderful - thank you As soon as Alan and his son went out the door I felt instant relaxation. I recognised immediately that it is a feeling I have not had for a very, very long time. I basked in it. I received a letter from my daughter and I made myself some fresh coffee and just sat in the sun room (with large snowflakes falling outside) and read my lovely letter and drank coffee The whole day was one of peace and tranquility just like I used to live my life. Alan was brought back at about 8.30pm and I was ready to receive him back. He, too, seems calm and peaceful. I think they'd had a decent day although his son looked worn out. Alan had been fecally incontinent for the first time and his son had to clean him up.

I now know what it is that I need to do and what it is that I need. I now have a clear head and a calm resolve.

Monday morning I am going to make an appointment to talk to the Manager of the care home and ask what is the best that I could expect if Alan were to have respite there and ask about having Crossroads sitters with Alan.

I am then going to speak to the Social Worker and ask her to come and see me to see if we can find a way to make it all happen.

Love and thanks to you all.

 

[nellbelles]

Helen

Have been off the forum for a couple of days, just catching up.

Sorry Lady, you cannot carry on like this, or you will have a complete breakdown. No good for you, or Alan, or your friends here on TP.

Now I am rubbish at listening to advice (good, bad,or indifferent)

So my reply to you is a LIST..

One side..all in your life you can cope and deal with, or things you (yourself) can change to make your life more bearable..

Side Two.. Things and situations you cannot deal with at the moment, and how YOU need to address these issues with help, and what outside help and agencies are appropriate for both you and Alan..

ie respite..more carer time..less working hours.. only you can do the list..

OK lady, took my bossy head off

Monday, I have got to find the strength to call social services and ask for an assessment for Tom and a carers assessment for me.
I have to have an op sometime soon, and also there is always the 'what if I'm ill' The idea of handing over care for Tom is hard, but the reality of nothing being in place will I hope make me sort it..

Another on of my soapbox posts, just hope it helps

 

[DeborahBlythe]

I now know what it is that I need to do and what it is that I need. I now have a clear head and a calm resolve.

Monday morning I am going to make an appointment to talk to the Manager of the care home and ask what is the best that I could expect if Alan were to have respite there and ask about having Crossroads sitters with Alan.

I am then going to speak to the Social Worker and ask her to come and see me to see if we can find a way to make it all happen.

Love and thanks to you all.

Glad to hear how you are thinking Helen, and glad that you had a peaceful day. Hugs

 

[nellbelles]

Helen

Sorry our posts crossed

 

[Helen33]

Hi Helen, great minds think alike

I hope you get all the support and help you need Helen When is your operation, do you know? I hope it will be well before the summer I always think winter is a better time for these things!!

Thanks Deborah

 

[Winnie Kjaer]

Hello Helen, so good to hear from you and pleased you have had a good relaxing day. Also good that Alan appears to be no worse off for his days out with his son. No doubt the son was exhausted, it is particularly tiring if you are not used to caring.
Nellbelle is so right with her advise and it is true only you know where there needs to be changes and only you can make it happen. So as you say Monday morning phone calls with list in hand and I sincerely hope you will achieve what you set out to do. I hope tomorrow is a peaceful day for you both so you can stay on top and make some calm and constructive moves on Monday.
Have a good night too.

 

[gigi]

Just popped in before we go to bed to see how things are, Helen.

Relieved to read that you're ok and have cleared your mind.

Have a peaceful night now...sleep well!

Love xx

 

[Trying my best]

Dear Helen,

I have been reading your posts over the past few weeks and want you to know that, like many people here, I feel for you enormously. Of all the voices on TP, yours has always struck me as one of those that sounds so stong, so resilient and so determined to do everything that you can to give the best possible quality of life to your loved one. It is obvious how hard you have been trying and how hard you have tried to make life better for your dear Alan.

I just want to say that you should NEVER feel guilty or ashamed for thinking of yourself in your own hour of need, by pursuing the respite option. When things get to the stage that you are at now, respite for carers is as essential as water and nutrients are for any living thing. You will not survive without it and I am sure that your husband would be devastated if he knew how badly you have been affected recently.

As it progresses, this horrible illness forces us to make decisions that we would never normally have even contemplated. We have no choice but to take steps that make us feel like we are betraying those that we love so dearly.

You must always remind yourself that you have done everything you possibly can and that no one can do more than that. You should also rest easy in the knowledge that you will be so much better able to spend quality time with Alan once you have had some time to recover.

Big hugs x

 

[Helen33]

Alan is ill

Alan is more breathless than ever. He takes a couple of steps and is completely winded. I am going to get the doctor out to him tomorrow. I don't want to go through the emergency services because I think it would be better for him to be seen by his own GP. His finger ends were blue this morning for a short while and I wouldn't be surprised if he were to be hospitalised tomorrow.

He has had a sleep on the sofa and seems to look alright but he is clearly not alright.

I feel so much better after the rest yesterday and actually feel back to my normal self although I have not changed my resolve to have a complete overhaul of my current circumstances. However, I will need to see what the GP says tomorrow.

Love to you all x

 

[Grannie G]

It`s a big worry Helen especially as Alan was so fit. I do hope the GP comes out to him tomorrow.
The breathlessness certainly seems to have got worse, even with the antibiotics.
It`s good to hear you`re feeling so much better.
Love xx

 

[larivy]

glad you are feeling better Helen i hope Gp manages to sort Alan out tomorrow love larivy

 

[ChristineR62]

Dear Helen

I'm so sorry to hear about Alan - I hope the GP visit tomorrow sorts things out for both him and you.

I am so glad, though, that you have had the opportunity to have some quality time that has enabled you to take a step back and look at what not only Alan needs, but what you need as well.

Caring seems to be like running an endless marathon at the breakneck speed of a 100m sprint - there's no time to sit back, take a breath, and evaluate where you are and what you need (for both of you). When you do have the chance to sit back, it enables you to clear your mind and look at things from a distance - stand too close to a picture, and you only see a small part of it, but stand further back, and you can get the full benefit.

Helen, I do hope that you manage to obtain the practical support that you need - I shall be thinking about you both.

Love
Christine
xxx

 

[donkey]

so glad your feeling better helen, alans breathlessness is cause for concern, lack of oxegen can also mean a problem with your heart i dont mean to worry you but wanted to forwarn you ,sometimes a change of prescription will do the trick if he has a chest infection, hope your having a peaceful evening love lyn xxx