Home help- where to start

[Minerva_]

I'd be really grateful for some advice. My mum (81) has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is cared for by my dad (also 81) and until recently this has worked well. My dad is also showing signs memory problems, so I have booked us a GP appointment next week to start the long process of being referred to the memory clinic. I live close by and have now taken over handling their finances and any other support they need.
We recently had a problem with my mum taking too many of her new medication which made her very sick. I've since spoken to the chemist and they both now have dosset boxes which they are getting on well with. They are both fairly mobile, although a little frail, but are managing to look after themselves in terms of shopping, cooking and personal care. I would like to start some kind of home help to look in on them regularly, but other than oversee their medication, I'm not sure what else the home help would do.
My dad is very open to this, but my mum is fairly adamant that she doesn't want 'strangers in the house'. They have a regular cleaner who comes in via an agency, but my mum is convinced that she has been stealing items from the bathroom- I'm sure this is because of the dementia. I've changed their cleaner this week to the same woman I have and have explained my mum's condition to her in case the same thing happens again.

I can pop in to see them myself regularly, but not every day. I'm worried about what happens when I go on holiday in the summer, so would like to start home help soon, so my mum can get used to it.

Does anyone have any experience of introducing home help when it isn't welcomed, or possibly not really needed just yet? I'm concerned that my mum will become more fixed in her determination not to have it, but I'm increasingly concerned for my dad's welfare.

Thanks so much for your advice- I've really been losing sleep over this.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Minerva_ It can be so difficult to get people with dementia to accept that they need help especially if they are convinced that there is nothing wrong with them. Sometimes it takes a crisis to occur before they will acknowledge that they have any difficulties. I think that you are doing the right thing by just employing a cleaner whether or not they want one, as it will get them used to someone coming in and out of the house.
In the meantime if you have not already done so I would suggest getting into contact with your local social services to arrange a needs assessment for your mum and dad and a carers assessment for yourself. If social services agreed that there is a need they can arrange up to four visits a day to help with things such as showering, medications, light lunches etc. However these are means tested and social services would also carry out a financial assessment.
If you have not already done so you could apply for attendance allowance on behalf of your mum and dad, this is not means tested but the form is complicated and if you do decide to go forward with the application it would be a good idea to get advice from the likes of AgeUK or the CAB.
Finally, if there is no POA for either finances or health and welfare in place it would be a good idea to see if your mum and dad would agree to this provided they have the capacity to sign the documents.
I hope that this helps a little. Please keep posting if there are any other issues that our members can help with.

 

[Minerva_]

Thanks for your reply, SeaSwallow. I have applied for attendance allowance and you're right, the form was endless! I'll wait and see what happens. I will also take your advice on getting a needs assessment- it would be good to get some advice on their situation. I have already sorted the POA's for both of them, so that's one less thing to worry about. Thanks for your support- it's really appreciated.

 

[Minerva_]

Another question, if I may. I've just looked up how to apply for a carer's assessment via our council and the wait is around 16 weeks. Is it possible to get this done privately?

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Minerva_ welcome, although sorry to hear about your mum and dad's situation. I'm not sure if a carer's assessment can be conducted privately, as the purpose of the assessment is for the local authority to assess the impact that caring is having on you, and the level of help/support you may need from them to maintain your health and wellbeing. My local authority usually carry out the carer's assessment at the same time as they conduct the care needs assessment but this may vary depending on the area, as will the amount of help/support the local authority will provide. You mention that your dad has been caring for your mum but now has memory issues himself, and you pop in regularly but not every day. Just a word of caution, during the carer's assessment for yourself be realistic about what support you can and can't provide for your parents as it's not unheard of for the local authority to record that the family are providing more help than is actually the case in order to reduce the amount of care/support they provide themselves. It would also be a good idea for you to be present at your parents care needs assessment as it sounds like your mum is likely to downplay the level of help needed. As already mentioned, the level of support provided by the local authority will be dependent on your parent's financial situation.

You may find this factsheet helpful as it explains both the care needs and carer's assessment processes:

The care needs assessment: support for people with dementia

This page looks at how a person with dementia can get a care assessment, who does an assessment, how they are carried out, who makes the decision, and tips for making the most of the care needs assessment. It also explains the eligibility criteria.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

The Charity Carers UK provide care assessments in some areas, in conjunction with local authorities, details here:

Carer's assessment | Carers UK

www.carersuk.org

Support where you live | Carers UK

www.carersuk.org

 

[Minerva_]

Thank you so much for your reply, Louise. I'll take a look. I've had an email back from our local carer's service who have asked for more info on our situation, so hopefully they'll be able to help me going forward.

 

[Louise7]

That's good to hear @Minerva_ I hope that you manage to get some home help sorted for your parents soon, let us know how you get on.

 

[Springflowers123]

Hi Minerva, my mum was caring for my dad before he had a diagnosis and he ended up in hospital with a UTI and delirium and my mum was so overwhelmed, we had reached crisis point which was exacerbated with dads delirium (thankfully that improved over a few weeks) so the hospital provided us with a 3 month care package free of charge and they actually had a live in carer, which was quite an extreme change from before but meant everyone was safe and supported. That ended and the council came to do an assessment which lasted 5 minutes after theh established my parents were over the threshold, they didn’t actually continue the assessment. My mum continued with the care agency who provided the care package through the NHS and they go in every morning for 2 hours, my dad is still not accepting of help so the carers mainly do household help. If either of them do end up in hospital for any reason, please remember the care package option! In the meantime I hope you can find something suitable to give you all peace of mind