Hi Sally, sorry to meet under these circumstances, but you’re very welcome.
Has your Mum said why she wants you to go and get her? Often we find our folks wanting to go ‘home’, but then find out that the home they’re talking about is one from childhood or a time before dementia hit and life became confusing. It’s sort of a metaphor for ‘Please help me feel better by taking me away from my confusion’, which with the best will in the world, we can’t do. Better understanding where she wants to go, might help you feel easier about not responding to those requests.
Frequent phone calls for help are another common issue. Bear in mind that the person calling, can only remember the call they’re making at that moment in time. To us, we hear an escalating stream of pleas for help that we can’t give, which makes us feel worse as they go on. The person with dementia doesn’t experience that cumulative effect, as they live in the moment. It won’t do any harm to block your Mum’s calls or decide to let them go to voicemail, either permanently, or at specific times of day like working hours, weekdays, during the school run etc. The home will contact you direct if there’s actually anything which needs your urgent attention,