I have only just got on my laptop, been trying to get here for ages but a grand-son phoned, which is an extremely rare happening, (over 7 months since last time!) and talked for Britain, about himself! Then soon afterwards a grand-daughter phoned, and talked all about herself!. Then our daughter phoned quite late, to ask about her Dad. So the evening disappeared.
I am going to start a new thread since, as you say, Carina, from today Henry and I step out on a new path.... The subject of this thread is now outdated. But I did want to respond to all of you who wrote since I was last on TP yesterday.
Thank you so much, your caring thoughts are a great comfort to me Bronwen, Jo, Geum, Mary, Izzy, Bastan, Saffie, Jan and everyone else who has written on this thread. You have helped sustain me and again I have to say that I don't know what I would do without you, just no words to express my deepest appreciation.
I think the new thread will be 'Henry from hospital to care home...'
For Henry, it went better than I feared, some difficult moments but mainly good although there were a lot of distractions for him during the time I was there with him. How he was afterwards.....
For me, well that's another story.
Bronwen you wrote:
It is a very hard road we have to travel,and now after 9 months, I still find myself wishing.......
It is a hard road, and today I found myself wishing, doubting....
After Henry being away from me for over six months in hospitals I thought it may have helped prepare me for today, but it did not. It feels so final.
My daughter was saying something on the phone, I can't remember what now but quite casually and somewhere she said "... after all, he will be living there for the rest of his life..." and that stabbed my heart, the words keep repeating themselves in my head. So final.
I've got everything crossed that this is the beginning of you both having good quality time together, minus the stress and upset you have had over the past six months.
I hope so, Carina, I do hope so. But it will take time. I am so relieved that Henry is now out of hospital, half a year of his life. Thank God most of it is not remembered by him but it is still too close behind us for me to quickly forget. Some nightmares take longer to fade than others, I feel that since November everything that has happened, one scenario after another and some all together, I have not 'addressed' in full, if you know what I mean. It is all piled up in my mind and needs to be sorted out and then finally put away.
Thank you for you for your words, Bastan:
I'll be sending you healing vibes tonight, I think it will be a tough one, relief that the hospital saga is over mixed with the anguish of letting go. We will all be here for you, let it all out.
Never mind one day at a time, take it minute by minute and be especially kind to yourself. You are not alone.
Yes great relief, anguish, and more. I know I'm not alone, but how sad that we are together for such reasons.
Rather shocked by myself, I need to take your advice; one minute at a time. I don't know how you all get through this. Six months ago I would never have dreamt in my worst nightmare where we would now. I knew it was "somewhere further down the road", and even although it was sheer hell at home caring for Henry, and I had my breaking points as many of you did, and do, somehow that road seemed a long distance away. Denial or deluded complacancy...
It brings back memories of our experience when my husband went to his Nursing Home. The staff were and are lovely but it was a hard time. I remember well the comfort of having TP to come back to each day.
Jan, that sounds so like me today.
Saffie, sorry you had a bad night, me too. Had 'an odd turn'. I was praying oh please don't let me be ill today of all days. Finally dropped off about twenty minutes before you awoke, 3.40am. Hope you sleep tonight. Me too, still do not feel good.
I was thinking the same thing, no TP tomorrow. Your birthday too, I shall think about you, and send you belated birthday greetings.
I'm off now to try and start my new thread, but may not make it before TP closes down.
Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread, the support has been overwhelmingly unbelievable, and has touched me deeply. Thank you.
It wont be hard to guess where my thoughts are tonight....
With my love
Loo xxx