Henry ill, I am concerned....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Loopiloo, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    Dear Loo
    I have been missing a couple of days - my sister is here from Pembrokeshire - came yesterday and is returning tomorrow - so have not really had time for more than a quick glimpse of your posts just now but I will write a longer post tomorrow. Just wanted to say how glad I am that Henry is going to the home you wanted. You must be so relieved after all the worry of the past few months over it.
    will post tomorrow but all best wishes and love MX
  2. geum123

    geum123 Registered User

    May 20, 2009
    Dear Loo,
    I'm so very, very pleased to hear your good news.:):):)

    You have had such a battle, seemingly from every direction.

    Let's hope this is the beginning of things going in a better direction for both Henry and yourself.

  3. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Loo, such a nice thing to read..good news. Fingers crossed for a smooth transition. Love Maureen.x.
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Such good news Loo. I hope things go smoothly on Monday. x
  5. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Thank you

    My thanks to all of you for your kind and caring responses to my good news, I am deeply touched. You warm my heart.

    Oh yes, littlegem, it is indeed the not knowing that makes things 100 times worse, and there has been considerabe not knowing.

    When I spoke to the CH nurse on the phone before the assessment she said if Henry came to their care home I would be informed about everything. I hope that will be the case, six months of hospitals and being excluded has been very difficult.

    Anne, thanks for posting, for following my thread, and for your good luck, all appreciated.

    Jo, you are always there with support, thoughts and love, thank you so much.

    I can't believe how quickly this evening is passing, I seem to have been drifting around doing things in slow motion. I don't know about restful sleep, but will go to bed tonight with a lighter heart.

    JPG1, thanks. I still can't quite believe it, and yes hopefully all works out well for Henry, and myself. We are sailing into unknown waters.....

    Thanks Grove, and yes GOOD NEWS at last! (I hope!) Some positivity makes such a huge difference.

    Yes the care home is my 1st choice AND the particular dementia unit within it is the one I hoped for, the one I felt was best for Henry needs. That is a big bonus. Hope I am right about it....

    I visited five care homes, some a few times, and although this one has some minuses, there were less of them compared with the other homes. One was totally unacceptable, I never returned there.

    Yes the care home Henry goes to on Monday is local. That is a big requirement for me. Should I not be able to drive there are bus stops both ways not too far from the home, although rather hilly for me and my walking aid. The bus routes are not as direct as driving there now routes have been changed and buses meander around a wider area. However, taxis directly to and fro are a more reasonable price compared with the other homes, I could not have afforded taxis to them when my income is reduced. Spent a small fortune on taxis to the first hospital Henry was in, and being in a busy town often grid locked.

    During the long hard winter we had, getting to the two acute hospitals was a nightmare. Over the six weeks Henry was in them I only managed to drive to the further away hospital for my last two visits to him. They were in the next county. Our county is smaller and main roads were cut off for a shorter time. The Council did a good job, which makes a nice change!

    By the way, re what you earlier wrote:

    It was/is the hospital nurses who have an attitude problem with relatives. Hopefully not the CH nurses.

    No you didn't at all speak out of turn, Grove, and I appreciate your support very much.

    Loo xxx
  6. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Kathereen, my thanks to you and good to hear from you, I have thought of you often. I know you are still struggling concerning your Mum's death. My Mum didn't have dementia but a terminal disease, and although at the end she was only three days and a night in hospital she had a long difficult death. I was with her for many hours. It haunted me for a very long time, and there are still times, years later, when it suddenly, unexpectedly, all comes back to me. Even now I will think "Oh I must phone Mum and tell her....."

    Don't expect too much of yourself, Kathereen, it has only been three months. It takes time to slowly work through it, to grieve. The pain does gradually ease, but you never forget, only learn to live with it.

    I hope your Dad is coping, and the two of you do have a special weekend together.

    Thanks for your thoughts and being pleased for me. Yes it has been some journey, and who knows what lies ahead as the journey continues. But it is a huge relief to be reaching the end of the first six months of it.

    This time last year I could never have envisaged what lay ahead. For Henry, and I ache for him. For myself, and I have no adequate words to express my gratitude to all on TP who have been there for me with such tremendous support. This time last year I was completely on my own, I don't think I would have managed it without all of you wonderful people.

    My thanks to every one of you.

    With my love
    Loo xxx
  7. burfordthecat

    burfordthecat Registered User

    Jan 9, 2008
    Hi Loo

    I haven't posted often on your thread, but I've been following it right from the start. First of all, can I say.....well done you:) You have battled, battled and then battled some more to get the best for Henry and you have succeeded. I was so pleased to read your update today.

    I've got everything crossed that all goes well with the move next week.

    Love and hugs

    Carina x x
  8. Bastan

    Bastan Registered User

    Feb 10, 2011
    Dear Loo,

    Good news about the CH, I hope the move goes smoothly and Henry's glucose levels are stabilized quickly.

    Re your previous post, I think you are completely exhausted and no wonder. Indeed, mental and emotional tension does affect our physical state.

    Your account of Henry on the bathroom floor made me go cold. What an awful experience for you both........

    We have it in writing now at Nats' home that the only thing we would agree to him going into hospital for is broken bones. Like you say 'no choice', certainly can't be nursed better.

    Hope you remain feeling 'up' and the tears don't need to flow. Can't have Henry not recognising you with your slits!!!!

    Much love and hope Bastan. xx
  9. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Thanks Fiona for what you wrote.

    I agree. I also hope it bodes well, Fiona, and perhaps the CH will keep on top of the diabetes problem better when they do need to seek guidlines from the General Hospital Diabetic Specilaist. The Community Hospital Consultant, although consulting with the latter, was only at the hospital one morning a week. If you follow what I mean. I also feel that the CH nurse and Manager showing more concern about the problem was a good thing. The hospital nursing staff, and the younger doctor sometimes there, were in my opinion too casual.

    Not well put, I'm tired. It is in the care homes own best interests to provide good nursing care whereas the NHS hospitals are in many respects a law unto themselves. They are also not ideal places for people with dementia.

    Loo xx
  10. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    PS to Fiona

    That concerns me. The person dealing with my finances cannot see me until a week this Friday, long delay plus a weekend.

    Good luck in Scotland next week, 8 months is a ridiculously long time to sort out guardianship. As you say, lawyers are the winners. A heck of a long time for your mother to remain in hospital. You have a difficult time ahead of you and all the more so living such a distance away. I can only wish you stamina, strength and all the good wishes you have sent my way.

    My thoughts will be with you.

    Loo xx
  11. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Dear Loo
    Im so pleased to hear Henry will be moving to your first choice of N home on monday ,
    He will be out and away from those hospitals at long last.

    You have travelled a long and difficult road and I have no idea how you have managed to cope with it all , but cope you have! and done so admirably. !!!
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Loo

    What good news.
    At last you and Henry will have some stability in your lives and you will have someone to share the responsibility of caring with.
    I know it`s not what you would have wanted but it`s the best of a sad situation, a home you feel good about.
    Fingers crossed for Monday Loo.
  13. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    Dear Loo, Sylvia has summed it all up so well... Just wanted to say I am so relieved for you and I do hope the move goes smoothly and relieves the stress on you and Henry xx
  14. Nan2seven

    Nan2seven Registered User

    Apr 11, 2009
    Dear Loo,
    I am so very pleased for you that Henry is to go into the care home of your choice.
    What a pity you have had to fight every inch of the way to achieve this.
    For now, do take very good care of yourself.
    Sending love to you both,
    Nan XXX
  15. Necion

    Necion Registered User

    Hi Loo, I want to say 'that's wonderful'....but we know there's no such thing as wonderful on this road, but to echo what Sylvia says, the best of a sad situation.

    You know how much we all admire your stamina and strength through those past very difficult months, You're an inspiration.

    Please take care of your own health Loo, you're probably much more worn down than you realise, so gently does it on YOU.

    Sending you and Henry my very best wishes, and hope all goes well on Monday.
    Lots of love, Necion. xx

    (ps, things going as well as can be expected with us. x)
  16. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    Dear Loo
    I've just posted a reply to you on my thread but want to say that I am thinking of you today in your bitter-sweet situation. you will be so relieved....and so sad too I know.

    Dave had been quite alert the past few days and I think might have had a momentary recollection of my sister when we visited yesterday but can't be sure. He recalls no names and often just says"Yes" to any question followingthe words "Do you - remember, know, like, feel etc. He cannot ever remember my name though I think he does ucually know I am his wife - or someone close.

    Yes, you are right, this is a new chapter for you and I hope it will be, in the main, a slightly easier road to travel. (I think I'm getting my metaphors a bit mixed here!) There will no doubt be ups and downs as time goes on but, as you say, visiting will be more flexible and Henry's room his can be made into HIS room.
    You are lucky that he can keep his same GP. Dave would have done if he'd gone to the private home but not in the home he will probably now enter. Still, as long as they have his medical history, that will be more than the present hospital has. They still haven't, and now never will, requested or at any rate received his hospital notes from the General hospital. This is why I feel that their CHC application fell short in detail - another story!

    Good luck , Loo, I'll be thinking of you and waiting to see your post later. Mind you, if you post as late as you usually do and I feel as tired as I do now, I may well have to wait until tomorrow morning! Love MX
  17. Contrary Mary

    Contrary Mary Registered User

    Jun 11, 2010
    Greater London
    Sylvia has eloquently expressed what I hope. I do hope that Henry settles well and life settles down for both of you. I will be thinking of you on Monday, I expect there is a lot to do but hope that you can rest a bit over the weekend.

  18. Bronwen

    Bronwen Registered User

    Jan 8, 2010
    well done Loo...all your perseverance has paid off...I do hope Henry has settled,and you will be able to relax a little..As Sylvia it is not an ideal situation, but when he gets used to the routine and staff, hopefully he will be a lot more "content" and you won't have to worry so much.

    I say all this, but we all know we don't stop worrying however well our loved ones are cared for, but we can only do our best.

    Bronwen x
  19. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    North Yorkshire
    Hello Loo , Thank you for the kind words & only :( got mixed up with the 2 Nurse's ( Attiude Problem ) Should us the "Quote Button " to get it right ;) ! ! !

    Your story of hoping & fighting to get Henry into the HOME OF YOUR choice Loo remainds of my Friend ( she lives along my road ) her Mum has Dementia /Altz & was rushed to Hospital ( after a fall ) any way Anne Marie did the "usual rounds " & only 1 was the Best but FULL.
    How ever her Mum was v lucky & was able to move in ! ! ! :)

    :( for long tale but just wanted to share it with you

    Hope you are able to rest even if only for a short while ;)

    Take Care & Best Wishes to you both for Monday

    Love & Hugs Love Grove x x
  20. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    #260 Loopiloo, May 27, 2011
    Last edited: May 27, 2011
    How can I thank all of you for your lovely posts and all you have said; Nan, Mary,Sylvia, Lin, Bastan, Carina,Izzy, Maureen, Geum,Saffie, Necion, Bronwen, Grove. I am overwhelmed. No words to express my gratitude and how much you help me.

    Have only just managed on TP, have been busy, then later had computer probems, and I have also been feeling lousy! My various health problems all seem to have ganged up and hit me hard today! :eek:

    Bastan :



    Bastan and Necion, I think you are both right. Quite shocked by how I feel today, tonight.

    Carina, I feel as if I've been kicked around a battlefield by horses! I just hope this has worn off by tomorrow. Thank you for your kind words.

    You are so right, Sylvia, the best of a sad situation, and it is not what any of us would want, is it. I hope the home does prove to be good.

    Yesterday the Social Worker thought I should go to the home next Monday before Henry's arrival, which I had thought about myself. To be there to greet him, and I imagined myself spending some time with him. The SW thought he would be leaving the hospital about 12 mid-day, but was not sure.

    But then I was uncertain, he will be confused and anxous, perhaps "too many cooks..." My gut feeling began to kick in, that I should not go for his arrival. When he was moved to the second and present hospital I received the phonecalls telling me of his move when he was about to go. It was the next afternoon before I saw him. At the care home I might be in the way. My presence might add to his anxiety and confusion...

    I phoned the care home and was put through to the unit he will be in, spoke to the Head Nurse (who did the pre-assessment). She doesn't know his exact arrival time, it could depend on when an ambulance arrives to collect him and take him to the home. She thought it best that I wait until later. She said he will have his tea at 4pm, that sounds very early.... The brochure says 4.30pm, same time as the hospital Tea-time.

    I shall go with the plan to leave him just before Tea-time, and think I will make this first visit quite a short one. Then play it by ear how long I stay until he does - hopefully - settle a bit.

    Tomorrow I am going to the home before I visit Henry, to see his room and take down a few familiar bits and pieces. To talk to the Head Nurse who spoke again about his glucose levels. She said the first thing she will do is arrange for our Health Centre diabetic nurse to visit him. I said I had spoken with our GP last night who said they are informed of patients moving into care homes and visit them soon after their arrival. The CH nurse said "Well to be honest with you, that is what they say but they do not always do it." Oh dear....

    Feeling rather nervous and tense.

    Yes I am later than I should be :rolleyes: but wanted to reply rather than wait until tomorrow night. The computer problems wasted too much time.

    Loo xxx

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