Hi everyone, I have been reading posts on this forum for a few years but I have finally decided to register and add my first post.
I have been primary carer for my 90 year old mum for just over four years. She was diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2019, but had signs and symptoms for at least a year before her diagnosis.
My mum first moved into residential care in February 2023. The “care” in the first home she lived in was catastrophically bad. She was there for about two months. She had a series of serious health issues. There was appalling hygiene, dangerous broken furniture, dogs owned by the registered manager urinating in corridors in the dementia unit - I could go on. A violent resident was locked into a section of the unit for nearly two weeks. The staff just seem to have let a bad situation escalate until it became unmanageable. During the last week she was a resident my mum was lying in bed with an undiagnosed fractured hip, with virtually no care or support from staff. I know, because I was there. A nurse from the local health centre who examined my mum failed to suspect a hip fracture. A GP didn’t visit to examine my mum for four days - despite the fact my mum could not walk and was in constant pain. When an ambulance was at last called the crew arrived and diagnosed a probable hip fracture in minutes. My mum was taken to hospital and had hip replacement surgery the following day. She had a three week stay in hospital. I refused to consent to discharge from hospital back to the same care home. A place was found for my mum at a different care home, actually a nursing home. That is where she now lives. This home has problems, but it certainly does not have the deeply embedded institutional neglect I witnessed at the first care home.
I visit my mum at the nursing home every day. While my visits are of benefit I will continue to try and support her. Some days are ok, some are very, very bad. Sadly the very bad days are becoming more frequent - and I know the downward spiral will continue. Thankfully there are still moments when my mum is happy and I treasure those.
At present I am dealing with life one day at a time, often literally one minute at a time when I visit my mum at the nursing home. Her state of mind can flip from ok to deep despair and frustration in seconds. There are no obvious triggers - I think it’s just a manifestation of a complete failure of her short term memory and her confusion. I feel broken beyond repair, yet somehow I continue doing what I can to support my mum. I no longer think in terms of a recovery of my old self of four years ago. That person is long gone.
The story of the past four years is a long and very distressing one. That’s possibly for another day and another thread.
I have been primary carer for my 90 year old mum for just over four years. She was diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2019, but had signs and symptoms for at least a year before her diagnosis.
My mum first moved into residential care in February 2023. The “care” in the first home she lived in was catastrophically bad. She was there for about two months. She had a series of serious health issues. There was appalling hygiene, dangerous broken furniture, dogs owned by the registered manager urinating in corridors in the dementia unit - I could go on. A violent resident was locked into a section of the unit for nearly two weeks. The staff just seem to have let a bad situation escalate until it became unmanageable. During the last week she was a resident my mum was lying in bed with an undiagnosed fractured hip, with virtually no care or support from staff. I know, because I was there. A nurse from the local health centre who examined my mum failed to suspect a hip fracture. A GP didn’t visit to examine my mum for four days - despite the fact my mum could not walk and was in constant pain. When an ambulance was at last called the crew arrived and diagnosed a probable hip fracture in minutes. My mum was taken to hospital and had hip replacement surgery the following day. She had a three week stay in hospital. I refused to consent to discharge from hospital back to the same care home. A place was found for my mum at a different care home, actually a nursing home. That is where she now lives. This home has problems, but it certainly does not have the deeply embedded institutional neglect I witnessed at the first care home.
I visit my mum at the nursing home every day. While my visits are of benefit I will continue to try and support her. Some days are ok, some are very, very bad. Sadly the very bad days are becoming more frequent - and I know the downward spiral will continue. Thankfully there are still moments when my mum is happy and I treasure those.
At present I am dealing with life one day at a time, often literally one minute at a time when I visit my mum at the nursing home. Her state of mind can flip from ok to deep despair and frustration in seconds. There are no obvious triggers - I think it’s just a manifestation of a complete failure of her short term memory and her confusion. I feel broken beyond repair, yet somehow I continue doing what I can to support my mum. I no longer think in terms of a recovery of my old self of four years ago. That person is long gone.
The story of the past four years is a long and very distressing one. That’s possibly for another day and another thread.
