Hello everyone, my wife was diagnosed with Altziemers/vascular in November last year, and I would like to

[Basil456]

Hi, I am a new member, and I’m a carer for my wife who was diagnosed with Altziemers/vascular dementia last year, we are both in our seventies, i have two stepsons in their fifties and both work.
I am the main carer, and i must admit it’s hard on my own, as my wife has mood swings and is very forgetful, and has lost track of time and days.
I have never cooked much since we were married, and i find that preparing and cooking food on a regular basis very challenging, especially trying to think of the right food to buy in the supermarket, i end up throwing a lot of food away as it doesn’t get eaten, not to mention the expense.
At the moment she gets pleasure from having for our neighbours dog four days a week as we lost ours in 2021,
Coping with my wife’s illness is starting to get me down, as i don't have anything to look forward to in life anymore, knowing that things will get worse, feelings of despair and hopelessness are becoming more frequent as time goes by.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Basil456 and welcome. You have come to the right place as our friendly and supportive members have a wealth of experience of many different aspects of dementia.
I am so sorry to read of your wife's dementia diagnosis. You being the main carer, yes it is tough for sure. I do so feel for you.
Do you have any help at all with carers coming in, to allow you a bit of respite, as by the sounds of it, it is all getting a bit too much. This link below may be helpful in finding support in your area:

Find support near you

Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

and this support line may be a great help too.

Dementia support line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[TonyD]

Hi, I am a new member, and I’m a carer for my wife who was diagnosed with Altziemers/vascular dementia last year, we are both in our seventies, i have two stepsons in their fifties and both work.
I am the main carer, and i must admit it’s hard on my own, as my wife has mood swings and is very forgetful, and has lost track of time and days.
I have never cooked much since we were married, and i find that preparing and cooking food on a regular basis very challenging, especially trying to think of the right food to buy in the supermarket, i end up throwing a lot of food away as it doesn’t get eaten, not to mention the expense.
At the moment she gets pleasure from having for our neighbours dog four days a week as we lost ours in 2021,
Coping with my wife’s illness is starting to get me down, as i don't have anything to look forward to in life anymore, knowing that things will get worse, feelings of despair and hopelessness are becoming more frequent as time goes by.

Hi Basil456. My situation is similar to yours. You’ll get lots of good advice on these forums. I don’t know where you live but near to me is a weekly memory cafe. It is for those with dementia and their carers. As the carer it gives me the opportunity to talk with a dementia specialist but also to learn and share experiences with other cares but also a chance to socialise. If there is one near to you I can recommend giving it a try. I am also the cook. I can cook basic food but my wife is very fussy. I tend to have the same meals every week which makes shopping easier but I cannot be too adventurous with meals. You now are beginning to realise how hard and lonely it is being a carer but a social network, however small is a lifeline to you. Maybe invite a neighbour in for coffee or if there is a neighbour with a pet, ask if you could look after it for half a day. Just an idea. Keep in touch with the forum and post as many questions you have as someone here will pick them up and answer. as we are of a similar position, I am happy to try an online pen pal if it would help you (and me). Try to stay positive And also look after you own physical and mental health.

 

[canary]

I have never cooked much since we were married, and i find that preparing and cooking food on a regular basis very challenging, especially trying to think of the right food to buy in the supermarket, i end up throwing a lot of food away as it doesn’t get eaten, not to mention the expense.

I find that the only way i can make sure I get things done properly is to make lists.

I work out a weekly menu and then make a shopping list so that I buy what is needed to cook those meals (plus whatever else is needed for breakfast, lunch and any snacks etc). I also keep a list pinned to my fridge and as I get low on things like toilet paper, washing up liquid, rice, sugar or tomato ketchup I add them to that list. That way I only buy what I need and stuff doesnt get thrown away.

If you are finding cooking too onerous and/or time consuming, there is nothing wrong with swapping to ready meals - you can even get them delivered to you so you can keep them in the freezer and use as required.

 

[HusbandCaregiver77]

Hi, I am a new member, and I’m a carer for my wife who was diagnosed with Altziemers/vascular dementia last year, we are both in our seventies, i have two stepsons in their fifties and both work.
I am the main carer, and i must admit it’s hard on my own, as my wife has mood swings and is very forgetful, and has lost track of time and days.
I have never cooked much since we were married, and i find that preparing and cooking food on a regular basis very challenging, especially trying to think of the right food to buy in the supermarket, i end up throwing a lot of food away as it doesn’t get eaten, not to mention the expense.
At the moment she gets pleasure from having for our neighbours dog four days a week as we lost ours in 2021,
Coping with my wife’s illness is starting to get me down, as i don't have anything to look forward to in life anymore, knowing that things will get worse, feelings of despair and hopelessness are becoming more frequent as time goes by.

I’m feeling the same way. My wife and I are 65 and she has dementia and I’m caregiving and this is by far the most difficult and stressful thing I’ve ever done.

 

[TonyD]

I’m feeling the same way. My wife and I are 65 and she has dementia and I’m caregiving and this is by far the most difficult and stressful thing I’ve ever done.

It is daunting and hard but just look for the little things in life that give some joy each day and put them down in a journal. What can give you pleasure. A song on he radio, a joke, something your wife or says or does or a meal you cooked that was enjoyed by you both etc. there is joy in life each day.