Hello - can they move someone miles away from his home county

[KPower]

Hello,
my father in law has Alzheimers for the past 6 years, he was living at home and my sister in law moved in to mind him but is now undergoing Chemotherapy for the 2nd time in 2 years. My father in law moved in with us but became increasingly hard to manage as he needed 24 hour care and we both work full time shift hours and have school going children so we all agreed a care home would have better facilities to look after him. That decision was taken in September and since then has been put out of 2 homes due to outbursts usually at nighttime - these outbursts seem to be that he is looking for something and gong in an out of other resident rooms therefore both homes have sent in in an ambulance to the local hospital where he is now. The carehomes around have assessed him and all refused to take him saying he is unsuitable and therefore is still in hospital. The hospital just called to say he has a place in a home 2 hours away in Mallow - we live in New Ross, his other son lives in Dublin, both daughters live in Waterford city but one has stage 4 cancer so the other is minding her two kids - how can we stop this move, we won't get to see him at all if they take him 2 hours away - he has 10 grandchildren ranging from 25 years down to 12 years old - 4 of them drive but only 2 are able to drive on their own the other 6 don't as they are under age. We are frazzled with this and just don't know where to turn next.
I'm not sure if anyone has any answers for us or if this is just to vent our/my frustrations - I know people can say it could be worse but I absolutely hate to think how isolated he will be 2 hours away from us.
In the 1st home he lost half his clothes, in the hospital he lost his glasses/teeth/coat/shoes/slippers/pyjamas/socks/underwear/trousers/ in the 2nd home he lost glasses/shoes/slippers- he hasn't had teeth in 3 months we can't get them replaced - its soo frustrating and I can't even imagine what's going through his head. The 1st home had covid outbreak we weren't allowed in to see him, the 2nd home we went every day, the hospital locked the ward down due to covid for nearly 3 weeks so overall its been very difficult for him to understand

 

[Louise7]

Welcome to the Dementia Support Forum @KPower but so sorry to hear about the difficulties that you and your family are going through, what an awful time you are having. It sounds as if the homes that your father in law has been placed in previously were not the right sort of home for him but it can be so difficult to find the right home, with vacancies, and sometimes a placement further afield is the only available option. I'm not too sure how the social care system works in your area of Ireland but it may be helpful for you to contact the Dementia Support Helpline to talk through the issues to see if they can advise a way forward for you - see link below. Others may be along with more suggestions too, and this is a friendly, supportive place and also a safe place to vent if you need to so please keep posting to let us know how you are all getting on, there is always someone here to listen.

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Angel Heart]

Hello,
my father in law has Alzheimers for the past 6 years, he was living at home and my sister in law moved in to mind him but is now undergoing Chemotherapy for the 2nd time in 2 years. My father in law moved in with us but became increasingly hard to manage as he needed 24 hour care and we both work full time shift hours and have school going children so we all agreed a care home would have better facilities to look after him. That decision was taken in September and since then has been put out of 2 homes due to outbursts usually at nighttime - these outbursts seem to be that he is looking for something and gong in an out of other resident rooms therefore both homes have sent in in an ambulance to the local hospital where he is now. The carehomes around have assessed him and all refused to take him saying he is unsuitable and therefore is still in hospital. The hospital just called to say he has a place in a home 2 hours away in Mallow - we live in New Ross, his other son lives in Dublin, both daughters live in Waterford city but one has stage 4 cancer so the other is minding her two kids - how can we stop this move, we won't get to see him at all if they take him 2 hours away - he has 10 grandchildren ranging from 25 years down to 12 years old - 4 of them drive but only 2 are able to drive on their own the other 6 don't as they are under age. We are frazzled with this and just don't know where to turn next.
I'm not sure if anyone has any answers for us or if this is just to vent our/my frustrations - I know people can say it could be worse but I absolutely hate to think how isolated he will be 2 hours away from us.
In the 1st home he lost half his clothes, in the hospital he lost his glasses/teeth/coat/shoes/slippers/pyjamas/socks/underwear/trousers/ in the 2nd home he lost glasses/shoes/slippers- he hasn't had teeth in 3 months we can't get them replaced - its soo frustrating and I can't even imagine what's going through his head. The 1st home had covid outbreak we weren't allowed in to see him, the 2nd home we went every day, the hospital locked the ward down due to covid for nearly 3 weeks so overall its been very difficult for him to understand

I have just read your post and really feel for all of you.

I’m new to dealing with nursing homes as I was looking after my relative PT for years then a year ago 24/7 but then my relative recently was rushed to hospital (turned out they had Pneumonia) and now in temp respite nursing home and got to figure out in less than 6 wks whether they’re back home or permanently in the care home as there nursing needs have significantly increased.

Re your situation, not sure if this will help but if you’re an LPA you could try to challenge the hospital discharge decision with your reasons why you refuse for relative to be discharged.

In our situation, the hospital was going to discharge without a package of care confirmed or in place. I said I wanted it noted on file at the ward that I did not agree to the discharge. I ended up asking for an in person meeting with the hospital due to other concerns I had and confronted them single handedly over these issues.

They still attempted to bully me re where was safe for relative to be discharged to.
In our case, I said I could not confirm a safe place of discharge due to the needs increasing - perhaps you could try this stance? Maybe then, they could consider somewhere not so far away from you all so that you don’t have the stress and worry of not seeing your relative enough…

Eventually, I had to decide whether my relative was to go home with equipment, or nursing home?

This was very hard for me as I’d always fought to keep them as independent as possible but in our case would give all the love in the world but knew would be out of my depth with the medical care.

I really hope you find somewhere nearer for your relative - it’s such a tough situation you’re going through.

We ended up being sent a list of care homes and I stumbled across one that seemed to jump out at me and was in my area. The home were kind and compassionate and only
8 mins drive away but not so near for the other LPAs but I’d report back to them regularly. The main issues we had were some admin errors. Got to sign legally binding paperwork and they’d had errors with costs and discharge date and date of admission to care home but it’s a foot in the door and it’s so difficult with some care homes having waiting lists or being full to capacity.

Are you able to speak to the social services department in your own area at all for advice?

There are also some advocacy services out there. Here’s a number we were given (not sure if it’s the right location for you but they may be able to point you in the right direction) tel 020 8460 6712.

Also, (if) you have any concerns in the hospital do speak to the PALs office
(Patient and Liaison Servíce) you may also want to speak to Age UK they have free advice for the elderly but also friends and family members tel 0800 678 1602
They also have a free legal advice line
Tel 0800 032 0451

Really wish you good luck and that everything works out for you and your family and your relative.

 

[nitram]

@KPower
Have you contacted

Home

The Alzheimer Society of Ireland. The ASI is the leading dementia-specific service provider in Ireland. We offer supports and services to . .

alzheimer.ie

about your situation?

EDIT
Just realised OP has not logged on since starting thread on 22//02/24