Morning all. First time posting. My mother has had dementia for several years now, has been in a care home for the past two years (self funding). We recently had a CHC meeting and funded nursing care was approved, so the usual increase in her private fees came along with this. I'm wondering what extra I should expect the home to provide now my Mother has the nursing care. She's easily managed, rarely leaves her room, not on any meds at all, is still fully mobile and able to feed herself. From what I witness beyond personal care and putting food in front of her the home staff do little else. Her room is completely sripped bare as she is destructive, she won't leave sheets on the bed - so they no longer make the bed. She removes the seat pad from her chair - so that's no longer there either. I feel a a loss, I'm her only child, and it feels like such a huge battle to take the care home on alone. Is there any support I should be getting? We don't have a care manager. I try to approach it in a professional manner, the care home is a business after all, but I struggle not to get emotional, it's my Mother we're talking about and I feel I'm letting her down.
Hello and care home advice
- Thread starter MMJay
- Start date
Welcome @MMJay
Is there any chance your mother could be encouraged into the communal areas? Apart from her destructiveness, it sounds as if she is physically able.
If this is so, is it possible she feels cooped up in her room and is isolated and bored?
I might be getting the wrong end of the stick but have the staff tried to include her in the main body of the home?
When my husband went into residential care I asked that his room should only be used for sleeping and personal care. Even if he didn`t interact with activities, I knew as an avid people watcher he would be content to sit and watch. I didn`t want him to feel isolated in any way
The care home is a business but your mother is a human. Something is wrong if her behaviour has been accepted without steps being taken to remedy it.
Can you ask for a best interests meeting?
Is there any chance your mother could be encouraged into the communal areas? Apart from her destructiveness, it sounds as if she is physically able.
If this is so, is it possible she feels cooped up in her room and is isolated and bored?
I might be getting the wrong end of the stick but have the staff tried to include her in the main body of the home?
When my husband went into residential care I asked that his room should only be used for sleeping and personal care. Even if he didn`t interact with activities, I knew as an avid people watcher he would be content to sit and watch. I didn`t want him to feel isolated in any way
The care home is a business but your mother is a human. Something is wrong if her behaviour has been accepted without steps being taken to remedy it.
Can you ask for a best interests meeting?
Award of FNC should not increase fees, the £238.88/wk (standard) or £324.50/wk (higher rate) paid to the home is an acknowledgement that your mother needs nursing care in excess of that provided by community nursing. A common request is that the home should reduce the fee because the resident's care has not changed.
Separately the home may have had an annual review or decided your mother requires more care.
Unless her needs have changed, none.
The home should have been providing adequate nursing care, the FNC is a contribution to nursing costs.
Have you queried reason for increase in fees?
Thanks so much for replying. My Mother was always a very quiet, shy person and didn't find it easy to interact with people or situations she didn't know well, I feel this side of her has remained. If she's awake she fidgeting, pacing her room, opening and closing the wardrobe doors, picking a the carpet. I fail to get her out of her room when I visit. Whilst she is physically quite well, mind wise there's very, very limited awareness, she looks through people, lots of hallucinations that fortunately don't scare here, almost feels like she's living in a parallel world. I feel I ask the home to to things and they nod and agree but then I feel it's no actioned or they report back that she has left her room, yet I never find her out of it when I pop in at different times of the day.
Thanks for your reply. Very interesting, the home finance team have led me to believe that the FNC award automatically means an increase in fees for private residents (of £220 per week). I've left a message for the care home manger to call me back to discuss what extra care my Mother will be receiving. I know he won't return my call, never does, so I will go and track him down in person. There has been the usual April uplift in fees for everyone but I expected that change.
The standard rate was £219.71 until yesterday?
Wonder if they will now ask for another £19.17 , or even £20 ?
Unfortunately no, she hasn't recognised me for years and doesn't really engage when spoken to. Iif she does leave her room while I'm there it's to wander aimlessly and I follow her. I attempt to engage her by pointing out things outside or the displays in the home but she just drifts on by.
That is so sad.
Please don`t give up on her. You will never know if she is comforted by your presence.
My mother was like that for ages. She looked right through me at times.
She was hospitalised and when I went to see her , out of the blue, she said "You keep finding me"
Hi, my Mum had many of the symptoms you describe until she got anti-psychotic drugs during her 1st hospital stay. Things became better until these stopped working. She is now on new drugs after a 2nd spell in hospital, is much more settled (no hallucinations now) and preparing for discharge. You say your mum's not on any medication, perhaps you could ask for the care home nurse and GP to review the situation to see if there are any drugs that might help your mum? Also maybe contact the Care Quality Commission England to determine if the level of care you are experiencing is correct. Good luck
Hi, don't disregard hallucinations as they are often extremely frightening. I wonder if the stripping of the bed etc is a reflection of her checking to see if something is there. Often as well as hallucinations the PWD sees things moving. Medication may help. Also get the activities person to look into "dementia games" where they put things in and out of boxes etc as it may help.
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