Hello again

[Chemmy]

So, one day in, and a phone call to the CH established that MIL isn't sitting cowering in her room in floods of tears, but has spent the day in the lounge chatting with the other ladies and enjoyed her dinner. Still a bit befuddled as to where she is, but that's to be expected.

Phew!

SIL#2 reckons that when she visits on Tuesday, MIL will be telling her all about this 'nice hotel'.

OH and both SILs are not feeling any angst over this decision, btw. If you know it's in your parent's best interests, there's absolutely no reason to feel guilty. I'm really proud of the way they've handled this and come to terms with things in such a short space of time. All are agreed that they just want their mum to be safe and happy.

 

[Chemmy]

Just for information, as well as getting the LPA signed, OH took in an Ordinary Power of Attorney form, downloaded from the WH Smith website, and we got MIL to sign this as well as the LPA forms.

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/search?keywordCategoryId=wc_dept_stationery_and_office&keywords=Power+of+attorney&results=60&page=1

It's a simple one page form and is a a temporary solution available to those with capacity and MIL's signature was simply witnessed by the staff nurse. OH has taken it in to the bank and should be able to access the accounts within 7-10 days, which gives us breathing space until the LPA is registered.

Our local branch was happy to accept the OPA, whereas the branch where MIL lives had never seen one before and was very wary, so stand your ground. It is legal. It becomes invalid once capacity is lost, so it is not a long term solution.

The Post Office on the other hand refused to accept it for mail redirection so that is the next obstacle. They admit they have this problem all the time but simply pass the blame onto Royal Mail. Identification for an elderly person who does not have a passport, driving licence, bus pass, etc is really hard. We've tracked down her birth certificate, so hopefully that will do.

As an aside, my OH was on the main board of a building soc. and they knew us both well in the local branch. But when I tried to open an account with an EPA for my mum who was by that time in a CH and had no utility bills, passport etc. I had no way of proving her address as all correspondence came to me. Although they knew exactly who we were as a family, we still had to jump through the required hoops put in place (apparently) by the Financial Services Authority. What I still don't understand though, is why different institutions have different 'hoops'.

In the end, I had to ask the CH manager to write a letter on headed paper to confirm Mum was a resident.

 

[KazzyF]

I tried that with my local bank and they told me to get lost!


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Chemmy]

The implication from the Nat West website is that they will only consider LPAs

http://personal.natwest.com/personal/planning-ahead/dealing-with-difficulties/caring-for-vulnerablerelatives/power-of-attorney.html

but when my OH went into our local branch and discussed it with them, they provided him with their standard form to be used in conjunction with the signed OPA. He said they couldn't have been more helpful.

It's the sort of thing you could use if you were in hospital for a prolonged period with, say, a broken leg in traction. You shouldn't have to resort to a LPA in those circumstances so any bank branch who says they can't accommodate an OPA (or General Power of Attorney in Scotland) needs to be challenged.

 

[Chemmy]

Ordinary Power of Attorney

HSBC's website is very clear

https://www.hsbc.co.uk/1/PA_esf-ca-app-content/content/pws/content/personal/pdfs/40368-Ordinary-Power-of-Attorney.pdf

An interesting article

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/consumertips/banking/10639746/Families-let-down-by-banks-over-Power-of-Attorney-on-Isas.html

 

[stanleypj]

The ordinary power of attorney sounds pretty useless in the case of a donor who has dementia since it apparently ceases when a person loses capacity, i.e. just at the point when it would be most needed:

http://www.which.co.uk/money/retirement/guides/how-to-set-up-a-power-of-attorney/what-is-power-of-attorney/

 

[Chemmy]

Yes, true, but it could be done to bridge the gap whilst waiting for the LPA to come through, if anything needed to be done in the meantime.

MIL was deemed to have capacity last week to sign the LPA so clearly had capacity to sign the OPA form at the same time as a temporary measure, until the LPA comes through.

You can still need help before you lose capacity.

 

[stanleypj]

You can still need help before you lose capacity.

Believe me, I understand that!

It's also true that you can register and make use of the LPA before a person loses capacity so I couldn't see how the ordinary POA would be of any use. But I can now see that as a temporary stopgap it may be.

The Telegraph article for which provided the helpful link Chemmy, makes it very clear that banks and financial institutions still have some way to go in ensuring their staff understand all they need to about whichever POA they are asked to deal with.

 

[Chemmy]

MIL has now been in the CH for nine days and both SILs have visited.

SIL#2 spent the day there on Friday and found MIL feeling 'sad.' She was questioning whether it was the right move and that nobody was speaking to her. As you know, the majority of residents tend to sit quietly, often sleeping in their chairs and I don't think MIL was prepared for that. However, by the end of the visit she had cheered up,and went to sit with her two new friends who had come out of their rooms for tea and she did say to SIL that she felt safe for the first time in a long while.

We agreed it was still very early days and we all had to give her time to settle.


SIL#1 lives locally and has been popping in throughout the week for short visits at random times, so that MIL doesn't start expecting her on specific days at specific times. Sensible arrangement in my view.

She's just phoned to say that MIL is much brighter today and is insisting on sitting in the lounge rather than in her room, so we're really pleased about that. The carers have said that all she wants to do is talk - so much so, that one of her new friends had to escape to her own room for a bit of peace I always knew MIL wasn't suited to the hermit-like existence she had endured for the last few years.

She's also much more mobile than she was at home and is starting to 'explore'. The combination of the zimmer and having the talons on her toes trimmed have probably helped massively in that respect.

I'm writing this down as a record for myself, but also because I want to reassure anyone out there who is contemplating a similar move for their relative that it can be a positive experience and it is possible to do it without feeling racked with guilt.

MIL is is a far far better place than she was two months ago: well fed, clean, warm and safe and amongst other people. SIL#1 is also in a far far better place, and enjoying visiting her mum as a daughter rather than a carer.

The rest of us, the semi-invisibles, are just relieved it all seems to be working out

 

[Chemmy]

Had a phone call from SIL#1 at 3.45am to say MIL has had another fall and was on her way to the main hospital with a suspected dislocated shoulder. Waiting on an update now.

Poor old thing, she's been through the mill these last two months. But thank goodness she was in the CH and was found quickly this time and didn't have a repeat of the overnight episode lying on the floor.

I guess the chances of her going back 'home alone' to the bungalow are now nil.

 

[Chemmy]

It's a broken upper arm. She's being discharged back to the CH today. So relieved she's not being kept in hospital.