Heartbreaking to watch mum decline - how long will she live?
- Thread starter Flaming June
- Start date
Thank you. My mum seems to be a carbon copy of yours with the same symptoms. She's currently trying to get out of the care home to find her parents and catch a train back to the city where she actually is... Hugs to you.
It's their way of saying they take good care of them.
I don't blame them for that. They are doing their job and they are succeeding.
And really, I suppose that's what you want to hear from carehomes?
I researched for years and never intended on putting her in one - but I had a health issue and had to.
I found this one that is very clean. The staff are, for the most part, friendly. They are ticking the boxes. She's safe.
But... it's hard. It's so, so hard.
And it's no easier with her being in the care-home.
Don't know if you've seen this thread - https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/struggling.148633/ - about trying to not be in 24hr caregiving mode.
I read it a lot. Still to put it in motion yet. Not sure I even know how. Hoping it will help a bit.
Care homes are not the easier option at all, you have other problems and emotions to deal with but at least you know mum's safe in there. I work full time and have carers going in. Always worried to death what I'll find when I get home. Pros and cons to both sides of the same coin x
You are absolutely not alone. I help my mum care for my dad, and I feel like this most days, particularly when he's having a bad day.
I think my dad is stage 6 or 7 now, and the only thing keeping him going is the fact he still opens his mouth to be fed most days.
He has carers twice a day, but he's started to fully resist them despite being on medication to control this, but mum refuses to call the GP to up the meds, so the struggle daily is real. He is restless at night, he constantly coughs and his breathing is very rumbly. His eyes are starting to get red, he swears at us (which is absolutely not like him at all), he constantly fidgets and because he can't talk, he whistles for attention constantly. My mum is exhausted, and he keeps her awake almost all night every night with his antics, which makes her irritable and unable to care for him as best she can/wants to.
Each day I visit I get more and more upset at how this illness can drag on like this. My mum is wasting away her years, and dad would absolutely not want this for her. I go home in the evenings wishing the suffering would end for both of them. Cruel
I think my dad is stage 6 or 7 now, and the only thing keeping him going is the fact he still opens his mouth to be fed most days.
He has carers twice a day, but he's started to fully resist them despite being on medication to control this, but mum refuses to call the GP to up the meds, so the struggle daily is real. He is restless at night, he constantly coughs and his breathing is very rumbly. His eyes are starting to get red, he swears at us (which is absolutely not like him at all), he constantly fidgets and because he can't talk, he whistles for attention constantly. My mum is exhausted, and he keeps her awake almost all night every night with his antics, which makes her irritable and unable to care for him as best she can/wants to.
Each day I visit I get more and more upset at how this illness can drag on like this. My mum is wasting away her years, and dad would absolutely not want this for her. I go home in the evenings wishing the suffering would end for both of them. Cruel
Every single visit and in between.
Mum has advanced Parkinson's, Parkinson's related dementia, deteriorating mental health, chronic pain and is deaf. She wakes in the morning in pain and exists until bedtime and even then the misery doesn't stop for her. She is well cared for but has zero quality of life and I honestly believe that if she had capacity she would not want medication which only helps to prolong the misery. Slipping away peacefully and with dignity would be a blessing.
Our family has experienced mum's dementia for almost 20 years. Up until about 5 years ago, mum was mobile, content and well cared for by my dad at home, with a little help from me. She had a decent quality of life. And then the aggression, sundowning, wandering and incontinence started, along with a plethora of all sorts of strange incidents. 3 years ago, with dad's health failing too, mum was placed in a residential care home. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, thinking that she would be cared for and safe. On the first day of being there, she fell over and broke her hip, ended up in hospital for 5 weeks where she screamed the place down day and night before being discharged to a nursing home. She hasn't left her bed since and has continued to scream day and night, fighting off anyone who goes near her.
Mum's in the very late stages now, but continues to breathe, sleep, wake up, drink her supplements (she doesn't eat). The screaming and fighting has dwindled during the last few months. I wish she would slip away and join dad who passed away 2 years ago. I keep telling her that he's waiting. I can't help but wonder if she had been going through this 30 years ago, her suffering (and mine) would have ended long before now.
Mum's in the very late stages now, but continues to breathe, sleep, wake up, drink her supplements (she doesn't eat). The screaming and fighting has dwindled during the last few months. I wish she would slip away and join dad who passed away 2 years ago. I keep telling her that he's waiting. I can't help but wonder if she had been going through this 30 years ago, her suffering (and mine) would have ended long before now.
I feel just the same but it’s my husband. I’d say he’s stage 6 now with vascular dementia but the sun downing is getting me down. His eating isn’t so good now and he’s very frail although he still wants a little walk at sundown time. i just wish it was over.
June, my 96 year old mother is exactly the same except that in the last few months she has stopped recognising family, including me. It was heartbreaking last week when she looked at me and said 'do I know you from somewhere? She seems to have no memory past the age of 21. She tells carers that she had a son and daughter but they were taken from her as babies. Is that the only way she can make sense of where she is now? She has forgotten my father and stepfather and even her younger brother. She just asks to go home to her parents and sister. Physically she is as fit as a 60 year old and continent. At her dols hearing last week the doctor rang me and it transpires that she was never diagnosed with dementia when she was forced into a home by a social worker (in 2020 during covid) but he believes that it is mixed. Vascular dementia caused by sepsis in 2019 and Alzheimers. Neither he nor her new social worker have ever seen this before so it is surprising to see that your mum is in the same position. I too would like to know how long this can last but no one can give me an answer.
