Hi really struggling at the moment as having to re-home mums 2 cats and sell family home as mum now in full time care she asks every day when can she go home and see the cats. She does have a partner who is currently living in her property but has his own flat and is only staying there till the cats are rehomed but he is not happy about the whole situation and doesn't agree with lying to her and still feels she could be home with carers in. She asked every day him she can come home and see her cats and we just have to say soon but her partner is not happy about lying to her. I do have a good relationship with her partner but he has clearly said he doesn't agree with what's happening they have been together about 6 years but I am really struggling with it all
Guilt over rehoming mums cats and selling family home
- Thread starter shazt
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @shazt
If you have full responsibility for your mum`s affairs, you can only do what you think is right in her best interests.
Her partner may think he is being the same but he is being sentimental and often the two don`t go hand in hand.
It`s painful enough clearing and selling a parent's home without well meaning interference from another. I can still remember the experience as I sorted my mother's home 22 years ago.
The additional responsibility of your mother's cats makes it even harder for you.
If you can, try to help your mother's partner realise today is the best your mother will be. She will not get better, nor will she stay as she is now.
Whatever you do if you take his advice is delaying the inevitable. He really needs to see this.
As far as your mother is concerned just try to reassure her. You can tell her you are trying to sort everything out for the best. It may satisfy her, it may not, but it will not last for ever.
If you have full responsibility for your mum`s affairs, you can only do what you think is right in her best interests.
Her partner may think he is being the same but he is being sentimental and often the two don`t go hand in hand.
It`s painful enough clearing and selling a parent's home without well meaning interference from another. I can still remember the experience as I sorted my mother's home 22 years ago.
The additional responsibility of your mother's cats makes it even harder for you.
If you can, try to help your mother's partner realise today is the best your mother will be. She will not get better, nor will she stay as she is now.
Whatever you do if you take his advice is delaying the inevitable. He really needs to see this.
As far as your mother is concerned just try to reassure her. You can tell her you are trying to sort everything out for the best. It may satisfy her, it may not, but it will not last for ever.
Your mum's dementia means she has had to move into a carehome which is difficult for everybody. For her partner, it means he must move out of their home and effectively their relationship is ended. I'm not really surprised he is resistant to this and why he'd want to continue to be with her at home. Unfortunately that is not possible - you have made the right decision in your mum's best interests.
But I do feel for her partner who must feel somewhat shut out/pushed out. All this on top of losing your mum to dementia. He will have to accept this is how things have to be but maybe cut him a bit of slack?
But I do feel for her partner who must feel somewhat shut out/pushed out. All this on top of losing your mum to dementia. He will have to accept this is how things have to be but maybe cut him a bit of slack?
Can you rehome the cats with mums partner or someone you know? The cats could then "go on holiday" and you could give mum postcards, letters, photos and small pressies every week or two on their behalf. Just nice picture postcards of almost anything, with a line in big printto say Horrible weather here /We're fine/Hope you enjoy the chocolate..... I did this for my 100 year old mum in Lockdown as I couldn't visit. I signed on my cat's behalf with a tiny pawprint or a doodle of a fish🐾🐟
I can understand how you feel, I was in a similar situation 6 or 7 years ago. There was no partner to worry about but my mother had a cat she was very bonded to (and I also had to clear her flat of course). The cat was old and I thought I'd have to have him put to sleep. However I did manage to rehome him through a rescue organisation. I told my mother a nice lady was looking after him for the time being, she asked about him for about two months, and then seemed to forget about him.
I can understand her partner's attitude makes a hard situation even harder for you, you are already having to make decisions you never wanted to. You just have to have faith that you are doing the right thing for your mum.
I can understand her partner's attitude makes a hard situation even harder for you, you are already having to make decisions you never wanted to. You just have to have faith that you are doing the right thing for your mum.
I agree but mum wasn't looking after herself and kept having violent outbursts against her partner and I have since found out he wasn't always giving her her medication so she wasn't safe at home the decision for her to go into care was for her own safety
Even if the cats go to a new family, perhaps you could supply items on their behalf for a period of about 12 weeks, and the "cats" finally write and explain that they, like mum have been rehomed. Mum will be more settled by then. My cat even sent Mum a small tin of tuna in Lockdown!
