Hi margherita, love my grandkids to bits. Yes he doesn't show a lot of interest at all. I keep walking in kitchen with baby & going to OH but all you get is she lovely & thats it. As soon as daughter left today he was back upstairs in his bedroom. He will be there till supper. Then that's his day over . I will have had half a dozen words out of him . Milan sounds great margherita hope you have a lovely time . ...
Grumpy OH
- Thread starter Beads
- Start date
Hi margherita, love my grandkids to bits. Yes he doesn't show a lot of interest at all. I keep walking in kitchen with baby & going to OH but all you get is she lovely & thats it. As soon as daughter left today he was back upstairs in his bedroom. He will be there till supper. Then that's his day over . I will have had half a dozen words out of him . Milan sounds great margherita hope you have a lovely time . ...
Glad to hear your well margherita, 41 years omg . My first would now be 50 years. (Divorce) Enjoy Milan , will you stop over at your place for a few days . Have you got someone to look after OH or will he manage on own...Hi all of you!
These days my husband is quiet, even though he is as fastidious and plaintive as usual.
On the whole I' m going on well.
I'm planning a day in Milan on my own because I 've things to do.
Today's the 41st anniversary of my first marriage..
September 11th....
My first marriage lasted 14 years (1976/90)
In 2001 I knew the man who is my current husband, but we married in 2009.
I'll be staying in Milan only for few hours. I'll be leaving very early in the morning and be back in the evening.
He can manage a day on his own. He says he could manage a night , too, but I'm not sure.
The last time I spent a night in Milan, he had problems with recognizing the time of the day.
In the afternoon he went to bed for a nap and woke up at six pm, but was convinced it was six am (he was going to eat breakfast) And was confused the whole evening.
When I phoned him from Milan the following morning he thought I had just left ( Have you already arrived ? You must have left very early..)
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Mine didn't last that long only 6 years. Got married when I was 18 far too young .
then I had 11 years on my own . Said I wouldn't get married again but did 34 years later the rest you know. My OH is the same he gets very confused. Forgets I'm even in the other room. Mind you I think sometimes he wishes I wasn't. Ha ha. Gotta laugh haven't we or we would cry. Hope you have safe & enjoyable time in Milan margherita. ...
I wish he weren't so many times!
I may sound cruel and insensitive, but my life would be better without him.
Nevertheless I take care for him, out of sense of duty .
I would never leave him now he needs me.
Some people are unkind and unpolite.
They may not like the house, but their comments are uselessly offensive
They may not like the house, but their comments are uselessly offensive
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Nothing worse than trying to sell a house. I put ours up for sale about three years ago. We had three lots of viewers and I had had enough. Each one asked if we had gas. No!! The estate agent should have told you. Have to use oil heating and electric for everything else. No there is no cycle lanes in this village. (You just cycled here.!) Yes there are only 4 buses a day. Yes we have very nice neighbours. Yes the Junior school is apparently very good. I couldn't handle it on my own. Especially with David pacing about and getting in a state because someone else was in the house. So I am still here.xx
If only house buyers would read all the details carefully. Photos and floor plans are available. When I was selling three years ago, two women came round who were buying together and they wanted equal size bedrooms. Our house did not have that and all they had to do was read the particulars. Waste of everyone's time. A buyer will come along or perhaps one of the moaners will put in an offer.
Dreading putting mine on the market - all the keeping sparkly and tidy.
Dreading putting mine on the market - all the keeping sparkly and tidy.
Hi MIA56, oh sounds painful hope it is on the mend now . Ye the Drs understand what we r going through just a shame there isn't a grumpy home I would be top of list for OH ha ha. As you say I don't know why they bother as they will have read all details . I would have felt the same. Someone will love it as much as you eventually. U take care MIA & watch them stairs ha ha . ...
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I feel same as you margherita. All down to sense of duty. Your not cruel or insensitive, just truthful like myself. MIA 56 says she smiles at our honesty ha ha I couldn't be anything else been the same all my life can't change now. ...
I've stopped trying to please people.
When I was younger (or less old) I found it difficult to say "no"
It does not mean I am rude or unkind, but I no longer behave as people want, would like or expect me to behave
I've also found out they respect me more and do not love me less, if ever they did
Good for you margherita we need to just be ourselves people pleasing gets us nowhere. Mind you I say that & yet in some bizarre way I am doing things I would rather not . But hey ho what else can we do. How is OH keeping. Mine still the same . (Grumpy &Moody ) ....
Well as I am writing this OH just come downstairs & had supper. Gone back up now hope that is him settled for the night. Couple of nights ago he wandered about upstairs back & forward to bathroom. Then he came downstairs , I was just waiting for the alarm going off. I am a very light sleeper I read a lot through the night & am on I pad. So I always hear when he's on the wander. Soon as I thought he was settled again I had 2 check all was ok downstairs . So was a disturbed night . One of many. Hope tonight is better. Well I think I will try & have an early night myself . Take care peeps....
Hi Beads, I too do lots of things I would rather not because I try to be fair and correct.
My husband is quiet these days as it always happens when I do not contradict him.
If I only dare to say or do something different from what he wants, he gets angry and verbally abusive.
Have a quiet night!
MIA56 had a night like that last night with husband up at 12.30 and bathroom floor to be cleaned. Get back to bed and wide awake until 2.00 am. He got the hump today when my son's new social worker visited and took my time away from him. Told me he was Mr Nobody and was very tearful, problem is if I involve him he just remembers his negative feelings around our youngest son so causes problems all around.
After a really difficult couple of weeks I have finally made the decision I never ever wanted to make and that is for my husband to go into full time care. Not because of the practical caring but the emotional heartache of his paranoid delusions and a recognition, partly from this forum and partly from family, that I can care for him in a more meaningful way than I can currently. I take my hat off to those of you who continue to look after partners but when my son says they have already lost their dad and don't want to lose their mum as well then I have to take notice. I did promise him when he was diagnosed that I would care for him as long as I was able to, I did think it would be longer but he has declined so very quickly that we have reached that time sooner than I thought. Part of me is relieved that the decision is made but the guilt will live with me for ever that I will slowly begin to live my life and he doesn't have a choice. Sadly he barely resembles the man I met and fell in love with 42 years ago nor the man who changed his sons' nappies or took them to the park or to football and the lovely family times spent with our boys. I miss him every single day and long for that shoulder to lean on or that hand to hold but he would tell me now that it isn't appropriate because I am a paid worker! Sad times.
After a really difficult couple of weeks I have finally made the decision I never ever wanted to make and that is for my husband to go into full time care. Not because of the practical caring but the emotional heartache of his paranoid delusions and a recognition, partly from this forum and partly from family, that I can care for him in a more meaningful way than I can currently. I take my hat off to those of you who continue to look after partners but when my son says they have already lost their dad and don't want to lose their mum as well then I have to take notice. I did promise him when he was diagnosed that I would care for him as long as I was able to, I did think it would be longer but he has declined so very quickly that we have reached that time sooner than I thought. Part of me is relieved that the decision is made but the guilt will live with me for ever that I will slowly begin to live my life and he doesn't have a choice. Sadly he barely resembles the man I met and fell in love with 42 years ago nor the man who changed his sons' nappies or took them to the park or to football and the lovely family times spent with our boys. I miss him every single day and long for that shoulder to lean on or that hand to hold but he would tell me now that it isn't appropriate because I am a paid worker! Sad times.
You have beautiful and sweet memories of your life together which nobody and nothing will ever steal or spoil.
Another phase of your caring for your husband is starting, a phase where care home is needed.
Please, don't feel guilty if you slowly begin to live your life.
If you didn't, your husband's life wouldn't be better, while yours would be worse
Hi Everton Annie, you should never feel guilty of the decision to put OH in full time care. As your son says he has lost his father don't want to loose you. We do our best for them & you know when the time is right . As difficult as it must be you have to think about yourself. You now can let the professionals take over & you are still gonna be there for him only in a different way . Hope all goes well . Keep posting & take care. ....
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