Grumpy OH

[margherita]

Another granddaughter! She is a godsend in your life!
How many grandchildren do you have?

Going to Spain without your husband might be a good choice.
He wouldn't enjoy his holiday and he' s likely to spoil yours.

I had an argument with my husband about holidays.
I will go NOWHERE with him.
I tried to persuade my husband that it is better for us to stay at home.
He seems to have given up the idea of a holiday, but I'm not sure he will not change his mind.
Anyway, I'm ready to pretend not to be well in order to avoid going on holiday with him

 

[Beads]

Hi margherita nice to here from you. Yes I can understand you not wanting to go on holiday with OH. It's just a shame that you have to pretend your not well. The excuses & lies we make because of dementia is ridiculous. Can you not leave your OH at all on his own now & go to your own house in Milan for a break. ..

 

[margherita]

I could leave him for one day.
He's quite independent, even though he is more confused when I am away.

When we argue, he often tells me to go to Milan for a few days, because he is happy and able to stay on his own.
I'm sometimes tempted to take him on his word and leave him alone....come what may

 

[Beads]

I could leave him for one day.
He's quite independent, even though he is more confused when I am away.

When we argue, he often tells me to go to Milan for a few days, because he is happy and able to stay on his own.
I'm sometimes tempted to take him on his word and leave him alone....come what may

Hi margherita, I can understand you feeling like that very tempting isn't it. Especially as you have your own place . Im afraid if I was in your position I might have gone by now & arranged for someone to care for him so that I could have a break. The only thing is I might not want to come back. I watched this programme on TV about this couple the husband had dementia he was only in his 50s. Anyway he sorted out his day care himself & really liked going to this residential care home. Then he said to his wife that he would like to go & stop for a week. She said on camera away from hubby "I wouldn't mind him going for a week but I'm just afraid that I wouldn't want him back". So she just said to her hubby that she didn't think he should go. He just kept going for a day. It was so enlightening, at the time I was thinking I would probably feel the same way. ....

 

[margherita]

Hi margherita, I can understand you feeling like that very tempting isn't it. Especially as you have your own place . Im afraid if I was in your position I might have gone by now & arranged for someone to care for him so that I could have a break. The only thing is I might not want to come back. I watched this programme on TV about this couple the husband had dementia he was only in his 50s. Anyway he sorted out his day care himself & really liked going to this residential care home. Then he said to his wife that he would like to go & stop for a week. She said on camera away from hubby "I wouldn't mind him going for a week but I'm just afraid that I wouldn't want him back". So she just said to her hubby that she didn't think he should go. He just kept going for a day. It was so enlightening, at the time I was thinking I would probably feel the same way. ....

Hi Beads, you miss your freedom as much as I do.
My husband is still independent and his ability to reason in "on"and "off"
Sometimes I can talk with him as I used to do before dementia.
Other times he can't understand and his answers have nothing to do with the subject.
I never know who I am talking to and often forget he has dementia and get angry.

If he were at a more advaced stage, I could make decisions, pay for a carer and have part of my freedom back, which is impossiblevat the moment.

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads, you miss your freedom as much as I do.
My husband is still independent and his ability to reason in "on"and "off"
Sometimes I can talk with him as I used to do before dementia.
Other times he can't understand and his answers have nothing to do with the subject.
I never know who I am talking to and often forget he has dementia and get angry.

If he were at a more advaced stage, I could make decisions, pay for a carer and have part of my freedom back, which is impossiblevat the moment.[/QUOTE
I know what you mean margherita it's like you never know what the day is gonna be like. No two days are the same are they. I am the same I forget & get angry. Yes if they were more advanced definitely decisions would be a lot easier. As far as my freedom I never had any all of my marriage could never go anywhere with girlfriends for a night out . He would always say to me you go & when you get back the door will be locked & your out. That is why I am so resentful now as I intended to enjoy my retirement . Then dementia comes along & I am trapped again . Fed up is very mild for how I feel. ...

 

[Beads]

OH it's so sad MIA56 she sounds so insensitive your stepdaughter. I can understand you feel like you are going to explode. That was such a nice gesture putting on lunch for your SIL then she puts a downer on it. Your OH is like mine blinkered or is it us that's over sensitive. (Not) I hope you feeling a bit better now. Keep smiling. What else can we do. ..

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56, so glad everything is calm & your feeling a lot better Oh I hope all goes well with the viewing & maybe an offer made . Fingers crossed for you. Let us all know how it went. Baby is coming along great thanks MIA. Keep posting too as I everyday too. ....

 

[margherita]

Here I am..
My husband is in bed and I am alone, at last!
I've spent the whole day at his service, driving him where he wanted to go ( because he lost his glasses and can't drive),hemming his trousers, ironing his shirts, cooking his meals..
and...listening to his complaints.

In the morning I start with the best intentions .
"I have to be calm and forbearing"
"I have to avoid arguing "
"I have to give up trying to make him reason"
and so on
After few hours I've forgotten my good intentions and I am angry, intolerant and sad.

If I can't change the situation, I had better change myself
Easier said than done

 

[Beads]

Hi Margherita it's too easy to just loose patience I know too well . I love it when I'm all alone & OH in bed I feel like a weight has been lifted . About changing I couldn't do that & don't think we should have too. I think we have sacrificed enough without changing who we are. Keep smiling.
.MIA56 yes baby changing everyday she is a week today she gorgoeus thank You for asking. Oh hopefully you will have plenty more viewings & the house will just click with someone & they will love it. Take care you lovely peeps. Keep posting..

 

[Beads]

Oh MIA forgot to say hope hubby gets sorted with his insulin & gets settled .Good luck with potential buyers. Ye definitely no crying folks. We tougher than that. ..

 

[Beads]

Also meant to say yesterday I started again going walking with my friend .Oh how I've missed it. Really enjoyed it . Been again today we roughly do 5 miles the fresh air is brilliant. Well nothing spoiling at home because OH IS IN bed when I leave at 9 & still there when I get back at 12. I then start dinner & he gets up at 2 or later. Then the mundane life takes over again .Oh joy .....

 

[Roseleigh]

The UTIs are more likely to be caused by inadequate hydration. Does he drink plenty? Also he can wash the penis after going to the toilet, he doesnt need to shower all over.

 

[rhubarbtree]

I will stick to a shower every morning. Just do not know how I would explain washing his penis everytime. He goes frequently and is not very careful with wiping. Have not had any UTIs but OH did have a rash which needed treatment. That was when I started to supervise his showers. He was using that strong green shower gel so I changed it to a gentler one and I make sure he rinses properly. It is a pain but I think it is worthwhile if it wards off other complaints.

There is no right or wrong coping with this illness but we all have to find our own way.

 

[Beads]

Hi folks, hope you all ok & having a peaceful weekend. How's the house viewing coming along MIA56 hope ok. margherita how's things at your end hope all ok. Well yesterday SIL rang left message were we going to go & see her as we had not been for a few weeks . Reason been I was waiting for babies arrival. BTW SIL has the same as OH . Anyway we set off Saturday afternoon it is an all round trip of 70 miles. The journey was quiet as usual me talking & OH just saying yes or no . We arrived & she was out . She will have forgotten she rang us & popped to friends house. So I did a detour & drove back an even longer way. The silence was horrendous. Got back made tea & then OH just went upstairs to watch TV .( Grim really. ). No enjoyment in going anywhere as no talking & cant get out of car because he can't walk far. As I write this he still in bed , oh I tell a lie I've just heard him go to bathroom he will be out in 5 mins because he doesn't shower or even have a good wash.So I will now go & make his lunch had mine ages ago. If I mention u haven't showered it's WW3. So don't even bother now. Must ring SIL later I won't say we were through because I know she won't remember ringing. Well that's my rant over. Hope u all having better weekend than mine. On the plus side daughter is calling later on with grandkids that will cheer me up. ...
...

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56 margherita & all hope you all well this fine Monday morning.Just back from my walk with friend oh how I love the open space & come back feeling refreshed. having said that we walk to keep fit & healthy however we did call off for a coffee bacon &egg roll. it was lush . we must have walked the calories off tho as we had to walk back to car after that which is 3 miles. all in all we did around 6 miles. Am waiting for my daughter coming with baby will cook lunch OH still in bed. I hope you all have had a peaceful weekend .Speak soon. ...

 

[margherita]

Hi all of you!
These days my husband is quiet, even though he is as fastidious and plaintive as usual.
On the whole I' m going on well.

I'm planning a day in Milan on my own because I 've things to do.

Today's the 41st anniversary of my first marriage..
September 11th....

 

[margherita]

On the plus side daughter is calling later on with grandkids that will cheer me up. ...
...

They'are a godsend!
Is your husband still indifferent to them?

 

[margherita]

I will stick to a shower every morning. Just do not know how I would explain washing his penis everytime. He goes frequently and is not very careful with wiping. Have not had any UTIs but OH did have a rash which needed treatment. That was when I started to supervise his showers. He was using that strong green shower gel so I changed it to a gentler one and I make sure he rinses properly. It is a pain but I think it is worthwhile if it wards off other complaints.

My husband is obsessed with personal hygiene.
He is in the early stage of Alzheimer's
Hopefully he won't change when the illness progresses, but I'm afraid he will

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56,you have had a busy time, Hope grandson 2 starts to feel lots better soon. Sorry to hear J had an episode hope he is feeling bit better. 7 viewings that's great you are having a lot of interest sounds positive. Fingers & everything crossed for you. I love walking MIA. It's a shame you had to stop your Aqua aerobics gets you out & its good for you. Like you I have put weight on the few weeks I wasn't walking . Yes we had lovely lunch Thankyou. Mmmm sounds lovely roast chicken send some my way please ha ha . My grumpy OH is back upstairs after having late lunch as usual. Possibly asleep with tv blasting. Take care ....