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Goodbye and Hello

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
Thank you @Woo and @Bikerbeth, kind works mean everything 🤗

I think I’d feel better @Woo is I had a timescale in mind even if things move differently it give you a focus.
I started looking at homes months ago and I chose one that seemed the best and also took council referrals so hopefully she wouldn’t have to move once her money ran out, so I think it’s good to factor that into any decision.
I met the manager and kept in regular contact and followed their Facebook page to see what was happening and it was useful to speak to different staff and see what residents were doing.
I went from thinking mum needs 24 hour care to thinking I can do this. For some reason I tend to forget the bad bits really quickly but I think we know deep down what the right decision is 🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
Thank you @Just me , last night I waivered and was thinking about ways to make it work , had to talk to myself firmly . We do forget all the bad bits very easily , rose tinted glasses and all that . I will have a look at the fb pages of the 2 I am considering and will keep in touch with them . Hope you are feeling a little better , sending more hugs 🤗
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
590
Hi @Woo2 my sister and I calculated we had about 6 years money for mum with the house being sold. We actually went with the home that Costa a bit more than our 2 nd choice, as we felt 6 years down the line mums needs would have changed and she may even have had to move by then. If she's still there we'll be appealing for them not to move someone out of their home who has fully funded for 6 years.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
How are you doing today @Just me ? We had an ok day until good old sundowning kicked in , mum was trying to tell me something , it was completely jumbled and I stupidly said I can’t quite get what you are meaning , she stomped off to bed , came out half hour later and went to bathroom so I took the opportunity to make her a cup of tea , whilst putting milk in mine she went off to her room and shut the door ! Was tempted to knock and sit with her but when she is uptight sometimes is best to leave her and let her sleep . Hopefully all forgotten in the morning .
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
Thank you @Just me , last night I waivered and was thinking about ways to make it work , had to talk to myself firmly . We do forget all the bad bits very easily , rose tinted glasses and all that . I will have a look at the fb pages of the 2 I am considering and will keep in touch with them . Hope you are feeling a little better , sending more hugs 🤗
Thank you @Woo2 and a couple for you 🤗🤗xx
The Facebook page did help as they update their posts regularly and it showed the able and not so able joining in activities
When I looked at homes I also considered if they carried on looking after more challenging behaviour for future ref. That’s because I like to be organised and proactive but nothing about this illness can be predicted as we well know.
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
How are you doing today @Just me ? We had an ok day until good old sundowning kicked in , mum was trying to tell me something , it was completely jumbled and I stupidly said I can’t quite get what you are meaning , she stomped off to bed , came out half hour later and went to bathroom so I took the opportunity to make her a cup of tea , whilst putting milk in mine she went off to her room and shut the door ! Was tempted to knock and sit with her but when she is uptight sometimes is best to leave her and let her sleep . Hopefully all forgotten in the morning .
Not too good @Woo2. The ward clerk who organised the one FaceTime session with mum has gone off sick with covid and they’ve got the Activities Coordinator ring relatives to ease the pressure off nurses answering the phone. Perfectly understandable but he can’t tell me how she is and the last time I had a proper update was Wednesday which wasn’t good.
In the absence of any info I’m imagining the worst, pointless I know but every time I stop my minds whiring.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
Oh that is so hard for you , can you ask for a more thorough update in a couple of days ? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want /need to be updated . Ignore any rubbish suggestions here but could you contact Pals and see if they have a dementia support person that could update you or give you more helpful advice ? It’s the not knowing that’s worse isn’t it , as you say the mind runs away with all kind of thoughts. Hope you get some clearer answers soon . Think about starting that thread :) as you will get more helpful replies than mine . Thinking of you , and thank you for the hugs , much appreciated , more back to you🤗🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
Hi @Bikerbeth , thanks for asking . We have had a funny week , Mon mum came how from DC , went to toilet and came out and called me in , she had lost quite a bit of blood , called Gp and they called back within an hour and said oh it’s a uti and sent AB’s over to chemist . Collected them and started the next day but I did get a sample and it was clear , she has had no repeat of it since but she has been even more confused that normal though she seems happier and that was before AB’s . Mary came yesterday for first time in 10 days and she was happy and laughing but went to bed early so it wore her out . She had a day last week where she wouldn’t go to bed , I got her in there twice but she came straight out and sat in chair and nodded off . Not slept during the day either last week . Just as you think you are getting used to things they all change again . I hope you and mum are doing ok .
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
494
Oh my, that would have frightened her. It would really have frightened me!
All you can do is encourage and try bc and manage ....at least Mary came and gave you a break
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,011
That must have been scary for your mum @Woo2, but at least she told you and you could get the ABs in place. Glad you had some Mary time yesterday. I hope that gave you some time with your husband and daughters.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
She seemed relatively ok , I said it was probably piles and she seemed content with that . She luckily wasn’t agitated and has been happier since then . Thank you both . One daughter came for beach walk with us, it was very nice and refreshing .
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
Same happened to mum @Woo2 . It was earlier this year before covid so she saw a doctor who examined her and said it looked like a pile had recently burst.
Enjoy your beach walks x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
Glad your Mum is sounding better. It must indeed have been a shock for you both but it seems like the AB’s are doing their amazing work.
I hope that Mary is able to come again soon to give you another break.
I love walking on the beach when I get the chance - I have always lived inland though. We were considering moving up to the North West coast when Mum started needing more help.
we wil see.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
590
That must have been scary for you both @Woo2 .Glad to hear Mary has been back and you managed a little break, a walk along the beach sounds like just what you needed.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
It was lovely thanks @anxious annie , hope to do it again soon . Mum really tired today , grumpy with me, pretended to sleep then Mary arrived and she was laughing out loud for ages . They went out for a while , came back and then about 3.30pm complete and utter confusion wandering around lost , she looked in pain , I asked her a few times if she was hurting , she smiled and said no I’m fine , looked very tetchy , daughter asked if she was ok too on separate occasions . She went to bed early about 7.30pm , straight to sleep . Even Mary coming is wearing her out , last week when we had no Mary she was a lot brighter and stayed up longer , I can’t and won’t stop Mary but it is having an impact .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
Glad that you have had another visit from Mary. I think the mood change is so typical and unfortunate when you get the bad bits and the visitor in this case Mary gets all the good bits.
Have things settled down between your Mum and one of your daughters as I know you were going to keep an eye on the situation.
Hugs to you as not the best of days for you 🤗🤗🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,975
South East
Thanks @Bikerbeth i will take the hugs :) some back to you for future if needed🤗🤗🤗🤗 . It did irk me as it sounded such a false ott laugh , I had a word with myself quietly to stop being such a grump . The situation with daughter is much improved , we are still getting her to give Nan her meals and treats and we talk about her happily about how lovely and kind she is , there is the odd look but nowhere near as bad as it was thank you . Hope you and oh are doing ok .
 

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