Hi there I joined a while ago and did post once but things have moved on a little and some advice would be appreciated.
My mum has come to live with us, she was here for a month at Christmas returned home but couldn't cope and so has been here permanently since mid March. Last week the memory clinic doc came to assess her and says there are definitely memory problems and is arranging for a brain scan.
In the meantime she is driving me slowly nuts! Although I have a younger sister I am essentially an only child as far as care is concerned because my sister lives in Australia. I have always been a very solitary person, I was more than happy muddling along in my little nest, being selfish and quite insular. My husband is the same, and before mum arrived we had a very happy, if slightly strange existence because he works from 1.30 am and so we spent the afternoons together and I had the evenings to myself before going to bed when he got up.
Now I spend my evenings sharing the sofa with my mother after she has spent the day on it, doing nothing. She does get her own breakfast and lunch, the same every day but I know the routine is important, and gets up, washed and dressed by herself each day.
She used to be very active, in her own way, I get my solitariness from her, walking a couple of miles each Sunday, sorting the coffee morning where she lived, sorting, not joining in with, and doing all the things needed to keep her place nice. Now she does nothing. Granted she has moved 3.5 hours away from her home but she was happy to do so and only said goodbye to the house manager!
I have tried to get her to read or knit or anything but no luck, she 'can't be doing with it'. I knit and sew I love to read too but can't do it with her sitting next to me with her eyes closed, sucking her teeth. All our evenings are peppered with ' is there anything funny on?' But she doesn't laugh when we do find something. I love to watch sport but she doesn't, and it's a very good summer of sport!
All in all I am feeling totally at sea, so she must be feeling even worse. She won't open up unless it's to be negative, but then it's not a positive situation. She was shocked yesterday when I said we'd had to change our way of life for her!
I guess what I really want to do is get rid of my own feelings of negativity so I can make things better but as you can see I'm not succeeding at all!
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
My mum has come to live with us, she was here for a month at Christmas returned home but couldn't cope and so has been here permanently since mid March. Last week the memory clinic doc came to assess her and says there are definitely memory problems and is arranging for a brain scan.
In the meantime she is driving me slowly nuts! Although I have a younger sister I am essentially an only child as far as care is concerned because my sister lives in Australia. I have always been a very solitary person, I was more than happy muddling along in my little nest, being selfish and quite insular. My husband is the same, and before mum arrived we had a very happy, if slightly strange existence because he works from 1.30 am and so we spent the afternoons together and I had the evenings to myself before going to bed when he got up.
Now I spend my evenings sharing the sofa with my mother after she has spent the day on it, doing nothing. She does get her own breakfast and lunch, the same every day but I know the routine is important, and gets up, washed and dressed by herself each day.
She used to be very active, in her own way, I get my solitariness from her, walking a couple of miles each Sunday, sorting the coffee morning where she lived, sorting, not joining in with, and doing all the things needed to keep her place nice. Now she does nothing. Granted she has moved 3.5 hours away from her home but she was happy to do so and only said goodbye to the house manager!
I have tried to get her to read or knit or anything but no luck, she 'can't be doing with it'. I knit and sew I love to read too but can't do it with her sitting next to me with her eyes closed, sucking her teeth. All our evenings are peppered with ' is there anything funny on?' But she doesn't laugh when we do find something. I love to watch sport but she doesn't, and it's a very good summer of sport!
All in all I am feeling totally at sea, so she must be feeling even worse. She won't open up unless it's to be negative, but then it's not a positive situation. She was shocked yesterday when I said we'd had to change our way of life for her!
I guess what I really want to do is get rid of my own feelings of negativity so I can make things better but as you can see I'm not succeeding at all!
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
