end of life - 11 days no water or food

[Dolly78]

Hi,

My dad had a stroke and or seizure 1 1days ago at home. He didn't want to go into hospital again and no resuscitation either. He has had no water or food for 11 days and is still alive. He has a line with morphine, midazolam, and a drug for coughing in. How long can this go on for? Its awful to see him like that, and also for my mum. I feel so sad, and want him to be at peace.

 

[GillP]

Hi,

My dad had a stroke and or seizure 1 1days ago at home. He didn't want to go into hospital again and no resuscitation either. He has had no water or food for 11 days and is still alive. He has a line with morphine, midazolam, and a drug for coughing in. How long can this go on for? Its awful to see him like that, and also for my mum. I feel so sad, and want him to be at peace.

So sorry to read this. Such a sad time. Wishing you and your Mum strength.

 

[canary]

Hello @Dolly78

I am so sorry to hear about your dad and the way he is now at end of life.

When someone with dementia dies it is neither quick nor pretty Im afraid. The body closes down slowly over days or weeks and at the end they stop eating and drinking altogether because their body can no longer process it.

But the body clings to life and goes on for much longer than you would think possible. My mum went on for 17 days with no food or fluid and I had a feeling of "dear god, how can she possibly still be alive?". It is such a difficult twilight world, like living in limbo when when you want them to die yet cannot bear the thought of it happening and it seems as though the world stands still and reduces to the size of a room.

The end will come though, and Im glad that she is being kept pain-free. You will notice physical changes like the limbs growing cold, the skin mottling and, right at the end, the breathing will change so that there are gaps between breaths.

Make sure you look after yourself during this last long vigil and dont forget to eat and sleep
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Brother47]

That's awful. Wishing you strength and comfort to get through this. Do take care of yourself too.

 

[Ineedhelp]

Hi,

My dad had a stroke and or seizure 1 1days ago at home. He didn't want to go into hospital again and no resuscitation either. He has had no water or food for 11 days and is still alive. He has a line with morphine, midazolam, and a drug for coughing in. How long can this go on for? Its awful to see him like that, and also for my mum. I feel so sad, and want him to be at peace.

Hi, I am sorry to read this. I know what you are going through.

 

[Sarah Birmingham]

Hi,

My dad had a stroke and or seizure 1 1days ago at home. He didn't want to go into hospital again and no resuscitation either. He has had no water or food for 11 days and is still alive. He has a line with morphine, midazolam, and a drug for coughing in. How long can this go on for? Its awful to see him like that, and also for my mum. I feel so sad, and want him to be at peace.

One of my colleagues went through this with her mum about 2 weeks.So very painful 😢. I wish you all the strength.

 

[pauljp]

I'll be Praying for you Dolly, and for your family too. Stay strong, God has a plan.

 

[Ineedhelp]

Praying for you. Stay strong.

 

[GillP]

Thinking of you x

 

[Chizz]

I hope your mum will find peace soon. Our thoughts are with you and yours, xx

 

[phreeda]

So many similarities . He is dying and I don't know how to cope with it. We've been together for over 60 years now and the thought of his passing in this awful state is more than i can bear. He doesn't eat or drink, can't speak and has little eyesight - how can anything be so cruel. Someone told me I was strong, but I just need to write this down and try not to cry. God bless him, he wanted to kiss me today and I just want to hug him.

 

[Gosling]

My heart goes out to you @phreeda . It's just plain horrible to witness a loved one deteriorate to what they become. I do so feel for you. It is most certainly such a cruel disease, and your emotions are naturally all over the place. You don't want him to pass, but you don't want to see him carrying on in the state he is. 60 years together. I wish you strength to get through this. Cry when you need to - there's no reason to hold back. (((((hugs))))

 

[canary]

Hello @phreeda

If you want to hug him, then do. There is a huge amount of comfort to be had from someone hugging you and holding your hand

I also used to play mums favourite music or read from her favourite childhood books that she remembered

 

[Izzy]

God bless you both @phreeda. I’m so sorry to read your news.

Please do hug him and hold his hand. I spent my husband’s last week with him in his room in the hospital. During the day I sat beside the bed and held his hand. At night I lay on the fold down bed they gave and held his hand. I hugged him as often as I could and spoke to him all the time.

I’m glad you shared your feelings here. Wishing you that strength that you need.

 

[scotlass]

so sad...yes...hug him and talk to him, my sister and I were with mum when she passed...I put my head on her pillow and hugged her..didn't want her to go...but glad her suffering was over...its such a cruel disease xx

 

[Hazara8]

These moments are probably the most significant in one's life because they are unavoidably powerful and challenging. End of life can be traumatic for those who have cared for or indeed lived with a loved one for a lifetime. Death being completely natural as birth, is intellectually accepted yet in truth still denied at the moment life expires. Dementia of course adds another element to these moments making the experience even more challenging. But one should never ever feel uneasy about that instinctive feeling of wishing to embrace a loved one or hold a hand during this time because despite the fact that they might seem oblivious to it or indifferent, it is nevertheless important because it is often sensed moreso than might be appreciated and at a deeper level than one is aware of. I slept beside my mother's hospital bed for one month. During this time she took neither food nor drink. I administered water with a syringe to keep her mouth lubricated. My mother possessed a very strong heart. This kept her alive. The Alzheimer's is what claimed her life. That month was extremely difficult and yet in a profound way very valuable. Stripped of all the baggage and trivia which is part of everyday life, you are left with cold and utterly unavoidable facts. You cannot escape them nor deny them. You therefore do everything in your power to comfort the one person you love by way of being there. That is important. Then when that instinct to touch or hold a hand or indeed embrace arises you do so because your humanity invites it. And never stifle tears nor feel at all self conscious. There is a very thin line between tears of sorrow and tears of joy. The latter is an expression of awareness and clarity because when all the pain and anxiety and physical suffering ends for a loved one you rejoice for all the right reasons, because your love understands that is simply what love means - the often quoted " best interests" is in essence a natural expression of that love. That raw sense of helplessness and the hollow feelings which accompany that moment when you know that loved one has died and whilst the world around you goes on on in its normality leaving you feeling isolated if not bewildered, is part and parcel of a reality which has been lingering in abeyance for a long time. And when you hug that loved one and bid them goodbye you should never ever feel anything but your humanity informing you of your vulnerability, your compassion, the fact that you are a human being - blessed with the ability to love....

 

[Chizz]

These moments are probably the most significant in one's life because they are unavoidably powerful and challenging. End of life can be traumatic for those who have cared for or indeed lived with a loved one for a lifetime. Death being completely natural as birth, is intellectually accepted yet in truth still denied at the moment life expires. Dementia of course adds another element to these moments making the experience even more challenging. But one should never ever feel uneasy about that instinctive feeling of wishing to embrace a loved one or hold a hand during this time because despite the fact that they might seem oblivious to it or indifferent, it is nevertheless important because it is often sensed moreso than might be appreciated and at a deeper level than one is aware of. I slept beside my mother's hospital bed for one month. During this time she took neither food nor drink. I administered water with a syringe to keep her mouth lubricated. My mother possessed a very strong heart. This kept her alive. The Alzheimer's is what claimed her life. That month was extremely difficult and yet in a profound way very valuable. Stripped of all the baggage and trivia which is part of everyday life, you are left with cold and utterly unavoidable facts. You cannot escape them nor deny them. You therefore do everything in your power to comfort the one person you love by way of being there. That is important. Then when that instinct to touch or hold a hand or indeed embrace arises you do so because your humanity invites it. And never stifle tears nor feel at all self conscious. There is a very thin line between tears of sorrow and tears of joy. The latter is an expression of awareness and clarity because when all the pain and anxiety and physical suffering ends for a loved one you rejoice for all the right reasons, because your love understands that is simply what love means - the often quoted " best interests" is in essence a natural expression of that love. That raw sense of helplessness and the hollow feelings which accompany that moment when you know that loved one has died and whilst the world around you goes on on in its normality leaving you feeling isolated if not bewildered, is part and parcel of a reality which has been lingering in abeyance for a long time. And when you hug that loved one and bid them goodbye you should never ever feel anything but your humanity informing you of your vulnerability, your compassion, the fact that you are a human being - blessed with the ability to love....

All well said @Hazara8

 

[Clownchick]

Hello @Dolly78

I am so sorry to hear about your dad and the way he is now at end of life.

When someone with dementia dies it is neither quick nor pretty Im afraid. The body closes down slowly over days or weeks and at the end they stop eating and drinking altogether because their body can no longer process it.

But the body clings to life and goes on for much longer than you would think possible. My mum went on for 17 days with no food or fluid and I had a feeling of "dear god, how can she possibly still be alive?". It is such a difficult twilight world, like living in limbo when when you want them to die yet cannot bear the thought of it happening and it seems as though the world stands still and reduces to the size of a room.

The end will come though, and Im glad that she is being kept pain-free. You will notice physical changes like the limbs growing cold, the skin mottling and, right at the end, the breathing will change so that there are gaps between breaths.

Make sure you look after yourself during this last long vigil and dont forget to eat and sleep
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Clownchick]

You’ve just described exactly how it went for my mum,

 

[CAL Y]

These moments are probably the most significant in one's life because they are unavoidably powerful and challenging. End of life can be traumatic for those who have cared for or indeed lived with a loved one for a lifetime. Death being completely natural as birth, is intellectually accepted yet in truth still denied at the moment life expires. Dementia of course adds another element to these moments making the experience even more challenging. But one should never ever feel uneasy about that instinctive feeling of wishing to embrace a loved one or hold a hand during this time because despite the fact that they might seem oblivious to it or indifferent, it is nevertheless important because it is often sensed moreso than might be appreciated and at a deeper level than one is aware of. I slept beside my mother's hospital bed for one month. During this time she took neither food nor drink. I administered water with a syringe to keep her mouth lubricated. My mother possessed a very strong heart. This kept her alive. The Alzheimer's is what claimed her life. That month was extremely difficult and yet in a profound way very valuable. Stripped of all the baggage and trivia which is part of everyday life, you are left with cold and utterly unavoidable facts. You cannot escape them nor deny them. You therefore do everything in your power to comfort the one person you love by way of being there. That is important. Then when that instinct to touch or hold a hand or indeed embrace arises you do so because your humanity invites it. And never stifle tears nor feel at all self conscious. There is a very thin line between tears of sorrow and tears of joy. The latter is an expression of awareness and clarity because when all the pain and anxiety and physical suffering ends for a loved one you rejoice for all the right reasons, because your love understands that is simply what love means - the often quoted " best interests" is in essence a natural expression of that love. That raw sense of helplessness and the hollow feelings which accompany that moment when you know that loved one has died and whilst the world around you goes on on in its normality leaving you feeling isolated if not bewildered, is part and parcel of a reality which has been lingering in abeyance for a long time. And when you hug that loved one and bid them goodbye you should never ever feel anything but your humanity informing you of your vulnerability, your compassion, the fact that you are a human being - blessed with the ability to love....

@Hazara8 thank you for your wise words.
it is 10 days until the day my husband died 2 years ago and today would have been our 31st Anniversary.
You have enabled me to release the tears which needed to be cried today.