Tough one today.

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
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Mum clearly showing signs of pain today, wincing, frowning and fidgeting, I contacted district nurses who came out to her, they decided to administer some morphine and agitation meds from the just in case pack, they will come back tomorrow and assess her, maybe start her on a syringe driver. Was awful seeing her completely out of it, carers have been to change her, she didn’t wake up for that, I guess the choice of pain or sedated is a no brainer, after two months of no food, bedridden, no bowel movement for ten days and very little urine output just awful green jelly stuff coming away, I too would want to be sedated. 😞
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
198
0
Medway
Mum clearly showing signs of pain today, wincing, frowning and fidgeting, I contacted district nurses who came out to her, they decided to administer some morphine and agitation meds from the just in case pack, they will come back tomorrow and assess her, maybe start her on a syringe driver. Was awful seeing her completely out of it, carers have been to change her, she didn’t wake up for that, I guess the choice of pain or sedated is a no brainer, after two months of no food, bedridden, no bowel movement for ten days and very little urine output just awful green jelly stuff coming away, I too would want to be sedated. 😞
So sorry, it’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch this play out.
Mum went through a very similar pattern too. It’s so unfair. The agitation & pain signs of the body finally shutting down. I've read so many posts on this is how it goes, it was still a shock to the system when it came towards the very end for her.
From what you’ve said you are entering the very last stages of this horrendous illness.
The only comfort I had was is she slipped away peacefully due to the medication & we were with her.
Keep an eye on her, call them back sooner if needed.
Take care of her & yourself.
 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
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So sorry, it’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch this play out.
Mum went through a very similar pattern too. It’s so unfair. The agitation & pain signs of the body finally shutting down. I've read so many posts on this is how it goes, it was still a shock to the system when it came towards the very end for her.
From what you’ve said you are entering the very last stages of this horrendous illness.
The only comfort I had was is she slipped away peacefully due to the medication & we were with her.
Keep an eye on her, call them back sooner if needed.
Take care of her & yourself.
Thank you Sue, yeah that is a concern as she is in such a deep sleep, could this happen? Would there be any signs that I should look for? X
 

MowgliGirl02

Registered User
Feb 20, 2022
48
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When mum was at the very last stages before she died last few hours, she was unconscious (very deep sleep) the things we noticed was the long gaps between each breath she went from very rapid shallow breathing to long gaps between breaths. Her mouth was wide open, and her Limbs were cold to touch. She was a little blue in the face too.
Be Kind to yourself. Spend time with her, talk to her, reassure her, tell her what you want to say to her, play music, when they are so deeply asleep they can still hear. (I was told.) But cannot feel anything. (I was told) she will be comfortable. ❤️
 

Collywobbles

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
365
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Thank you Sue, yeah that is a concern as she is in such a deep sleep, could this happen? Would there be any signs that I should look for? X
Just to jump in, if you search YouTube for short videos by ‘Hospice Nurse Julie’, she explains exactly what the end and very final stages of a terminal illness look like. As someone else has said they’re a difficult watch, but she gives the information you’re looking for in a kind and respectful way. I hope that helps.
 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
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Thank you all for responding, yes I have seen some of the nurse Julie clips and very informative, regarding the fact that she is on a morphine patch and also had a morphine injection and a calming down injection today am I right in thinking her heart could just stop, or could she go into a coma? Xx
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
198
0
Medway
Thank you Sue, yeah that is a concern as she is in such a deep sleep, could this happen? Would there be any signs that I should look for? X
Think everyone has a similar but sometimes somewhat varied experience.
I’m no medic, but from your comments & mention of syringe driver, watching my mum go through this, I’m sorry but I would think it’s very near.
My mum always had really cold hands, her last few hours they were strangely warm. She slept but with her mouth open (she would have hated being seen like that ).
She didn’t have any of the mottling on her limbs that is common as the body shuts down. She didn’t really follow any of the ‘standard’ patterns others speak of.
She would twitch, frown but never wake. The frowning & twitches would stop after pain relief. In her last 2 hours they gave her a medication to dry her airway & stop any gurgling - she didn’t have any, but obviously the hospice staff knew what was coming.
As I said, no real warning but watch her, if she seems in pain she probably is - you know your mum best - call them back out if needed.
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
198
0
Medway
Thank you all for responding, yes I have seen some of the nurse Julie clips and very informative, regarding the fact that she is on a morphine patch and also had a morphine injection and a calming down injection today am I right in thinking her heart could just stop, or could she go into a coma? Xx
I would doubt a coma, mum took a few different sounding breaths, then just breathed out & was gone. I fully expected her to breathe in again. Very likely the heart just stopping rather than any thing like heart attack.
It was unbelievable but so peaceful, I’m grateful for that for her & us.
 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
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Thank you, so sorry for pulling you into a painful memory but I really don’t want mum to be alone, I’m just grabbing something to eat and then going back to sit with her. Xx
 

sue31

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
198
0
Medway
Thank you, so sorry for pulling you into a painful memory but I really don’t want mum to be alone, I’m just grabbing something to eat and then going back to sit with her. Xx
It’s not a problem at all.
If sharing makes things easier for someone else going through this nightmare it’s a good thing. Sad, but it’s like some form of therapy I guess rather than dwell on what occurred I’m using it to help others going through similar. If more of us shared we wouldn’t feel so lost at this point.

Everyone has a different view/experience on this tho🤷‍♀️
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,379
0
South coast
When mum passed away she too became unconscious, her limbs went cold, there was mottling of the skin and gaps between breaths.

Do be aware though that they seem to have some control over the time that they finally pass. I wanted to be with mum right up to the end and slept on the floor during the night. Eventually I had to go and check up on OH. She died within a few minutes of me leaving. I was told that this is very common and the person who told me this said she had seen it many times before. She thought that the person wanted to spare their relatives

I think your mum is very near the end now @Muggers . Please don't be upset if she passes when you nip out to get a drink or go to the loo

Hang on in there
(((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
 

JHA

Registered User
Aug 7, 2021
896
0
I am so sorry you and your mum are going through this - nobody deserves to suffer,

Like other posters have said be prepared for her to pass whilst you are not there. I spent five nights with my best friend who had cancer - I left her twice saying my goodbyes but she was still battling when I returned. The night her battle was lost was when her son had finally decided he would visit - she went before he had chance to begin the 20 minute journey.

Take care and be kind to yourself.
 

MowgliGirl02

Registered User
Feb 20, 2022
48
0
I wasn’t with my mum when she passed. I’d been with her right until the end, but missed her final breath by a matter of moments when I’d popped home, she died as I was waiting to be let back onto her ward. She did that on purpose, and I will always thank her for that. It was bad enough seeing her after she’d died.
I don’t mind talking about her passing, in truth I can talk about her passing better than I can talk about just how much I miss her. My thoughts and prayers are with you. ❤️
 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
0
Been with mum all day, more morphine given, just drifting in and out, so pale looking and as fragile as glass. 😢
 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
0
I am beginning to think that mum wouldn’t want me to be there, just a gut feeling. 😢
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,379
0
South coast
Hang on in there @Muggers
This is such a difficult stage. Your mum is like my mum who clung to life longer than I thought possible. Have you told her that it is OK to go?
The end will come.
Have some more ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
 

GeorgieW

Registered User
Mar 9, 2024
33
0
Hang on in there @Muggers
This is such a difficult stage. Your mum is like my mum who clung to life longer than I thought possible. Have you told her that it is OK to go?
The end will come.
Have some more ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
When My Dad went on a Syringe driver he lasted 4 more days.

I was getting a little desperate (I know, weird) and the hospice said to bring his dog in. So I did. Told him everything has been taken care of, that I would look after mum (look were that one got me!) and the finances were fine and it was really time to go. I had to take the dog away as she started to get a bit frantic. Not sure if that was when he left or if he left just after.

Mum said that at the time he said "oh dear" crossed his hands and that was it, although she didn't realise it.

@Muggers What news? hope your OK this morning.
 

Muggers

Registered User
Mar 18, 2024
62
0
Thank you. Sleepless night and in for a long day, mum has been thrashing about a little and struggling to swallow, nurse has been called. Breathing seems slow this morning. 😔
 

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