Never apologise for posting on the site. It is what it is here for. If my experience is any help, I was aware, at the time of what happened at my husband’s funeral. I sang the hymns, and I can remember most of it quite clearly now. But, a few months after the funeral, I met old friends and told them of Norman’s death. Well, we know, they said. We were at the funeral and spoke to you. I have no memory of that at all.
In short, a sort of ‘calmness’ came over me on the day. I wonder if you are worried about losing control in public? That thought worried me. It didn’t happen. I did break down immediately following the burial, but was ok again, by the time we got to the hotel for the family and friends gathering.
Although I lost some memories of the day, I have remembered the important bits. I sing at many funerals, with a church choir. In all of the ones I have attended, I saw only one person really lose control ... and her family comforted her, and no one thought any the worse of her for it.
If I have misunderstood your concerns, I am sorry.