I dropped oh at day care sneaked out whilst be had a coffee.Felt as light as a feather when I left like a weight had been lifted. Had a nice day. Went to pick him back up at 4. He was all smiles They say he had a great day chatting joining in.On leaving he hugged them all thanked them said he'd had a wonderful day and would see them tomorrow .On the way home he told me how lovely everyone was.Still can't believe it.
So pleased you had a good result with day care. It sounds lovely. I tried it with my husband and he got barred after 3 visits
How I wish he could have accepted it and enjoyed it - maybe it could have enabled me to cope for longer.
Could it just have been the wrong place ? Is it worth looking at others.
This is a standalone centre by the new build care home. Just for non residents . It just is wonderful.It is a family owned home and the founded is now resident which must say something.
No one could have been more worried than me.
I'm going tomorrow to see a local home that does daycare. The truth is I am really struggling with sleepless nights and lonely days. Oh just sits staring or berates me saying he is leaving me etc,or disappears. C MHT have assured me that this is the right thing to do. My son and daughter support this,they say they can see the impact on me. My neighbour thought I should have done it before now. So it seems the time is right.
My OH is coming with me but has no idea what I am thinking of .What if he realises , he may well flip. The home has said it is best for him to come with me, and I actually have no option as I can't leave him. . I have been putting it off, I think because I worry its not the right time for him ( although from what others say I am somewhat blinkered).Anyone out there been through this.
I dropped oh at day care sneaked out whilst be had a coffee.Felt as light as a feather when I left like a weight had been lifted. Had a nice day. Went to pick him back up at 4. He was all smiles They say he had a great day chatting joining in.On leaving he hugged them all thanked them said he'd had a wonderful day and would see them tomorrow .On the way home he told me how lovely everyone was.Still can't believe it.
Second day today. Oh is going to go Mondays and Fridays but thought two days together to start may be a good idea.
So yesterday as said earlier was fantastic Today ,got up ,got dressed ,breakfast . I said right we are going out now, a complete change from the norm. Got his coat on into the car. Never asked where we were going. Travelled to the day centre,got out of the car,straight to the door ,I rang the bell. In we went .He was greeted by the staff like a long lost friend they made him a coffee and biscuits. Yesterday I sneaked out, today I said right I'm off I will see you later. He said where are you going I said the dentist. When will you be back. ? About 10.30! ( it was then 10.00) He said that's OK see you later and I left.
Got home and cried, no I wailed, I feel so alone without him even though he drives me to distraction. I can get on with my day which is fab, but just the thought that one day he will be gone forever overwhelmed me for a while. Picked him up at 4.00. They said he had been a little unsettled in the afternoon.Had his coat on when I got there but he was playing bowls. Got in the car he said they were all very lovely but they didn't want him to leave. He kept saying he had to go but they kept asking him to stay and join in and he didn't want to be rude so he did. They must like me he said. Why wouldn't they I said , you are nice to be with. He said I suppose so ,I've had a nice day with my friends,but very busy. Result I would say.
I am so grateful to the miracle workers that I only discovered yesterday.
6 hours is a long time for him but it is an hour round trip for me so any less would give me little timeHe is not tired in the evening like I thought he might be. I think today he must have gone to the quiet room for a sleep as his hair looked a bit like he had been lying on it. There are two lovely small rooms with two comfy reclining chairs, TV if they want it or music or nothing its up to them .I was so encouraged to read your post. Might 6 hours be a little too long, do you think? John usually only coped for 4 hours, or a wee bit longer. I know what you mean about feeling sad and wailing, and I did that, and so I suspect, did a lot of other folk.
And when he died, I wailed a lot more. But that may not be for a long time for you, and when the day comes, you'll get through it, with the help and support of everyone on TP. I'm so glad you're getting the break that you badly need xxx
So pleased you had a good result with day care. It sounds lovely. I tried it with my husband and he got barred after 3 visits
How I wish he could have accepted it and enjoyed it - maybe it could have enabled me to cope for longer.
6 hours is a long time for him but it is an hour round trip for me so any less would give me little timeHe is not tired in the evening like I thought he might be. I think today he must have gone to the quiet room for a sleep as his hair looked a bit like he had been lying on it. There are two lovely small rooms with two comfy reclining chairs, TV if they want it or music or nothing its up to them .
I just cannot describe how wonderful this place is. Very bright, modern, clean ,no smells, they seem to have thought of everything. So 6 hours it is.
BARRED
It was a day care centre for goodness sake. What did they think they were going to have to cope with. People with dementia are so unpredictable and they should have been prepared for this.
Please try another more professional centre - they really are lifesavers for the carers
Reading though the various posts, I can only relay some of the thoughts that mum had for our dad. He had always been a solitary fellow and therefore wasn't that keen on day care, but mum did managed to get him to go, as long as she was with him. I think she found it helped her more than it did dad as it certainly helped reduce her feeling of isolation.
In the end as dad became less mobile we opted for getting people in. This had a cost, but it did allow mum a chance to nip to the shops are at least have an hour to herself. The people that came in were very good and seemed to have good knowledge of dementia. They were also the same people we got in to help when dad could no longer sleep at nights. Sis, mum and myself covering some of he nights until dad was admitted to the general hospital with cancer.
I think each case needs to be taken on it's merit, our dad was not a good group person, but equally others may be better. The best interests of the individual and indeed the carer need to be borne in mind. From my mums perspective, having support from us as her children and additional professional back up was probably what saved the day for her, so we must do what feels right
Reading though the various posts, I can only relay some of the thoughts that mum had for our dad. He had always been a solitary fellow and therefore wasn't that keen on day care, but mum did managed to get him to go, as long as she was with him. I think she found it helped her more than it did dad as it certainly helped reduce her feeling of isolation.
In the end as dad became less mobile we opted for getting people in. This had a cost, but it did allow mum a chance to nip to the shops are at least have an hour to herself. The people that came in were very good and seemed to have good knowledge of dementia. They were also the same people we got in to help when dad could no longer sleep at nights. Sis, mum and myself covering some of he nights until dad was admitted to the general hospital with cancer.
I think each case needs to be taken on it's merit, our dad was not a good group person, but equally others may be better. The best interests of the individual and indeed the carer need to be borne in mind. From my mums perspective, having support from us as her children and additional professional back up was probably what saved the day for her, so we must do what feels right