Coming to terms with the loss of my Mum (97).

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Marcelle123, Jan 8, 2018.

  1. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    East Midlands
    I love York & hope to visit soon but have more than enough stuff to deal with here too but all good! Wishing you a great transformation period whilst you settle in xx
  2. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you very much, Kikki. xx

    This has been a mixed week.

    The good news is that after a lot of last minute anguish (our buyers' solicitors phones & IT was down) we finally completed the sale of our house in Norfolk on Wednesday and we have had our offer on a house in a village near York accepted - it has no onward chain & vacant possession, so should not be too troublesome. Plus we are renting the house in York till the end of January so can make sure everything is okay before we move in properly. The searches and survey are going ahead.

    But - on Tuesday, my husband ('AE Bear') was called to the hospital (Specsavers referred him after a photo showed a change in the back of his eye) and he has a freckle on his retina, i.e. 'a choroidal nevus', which the eye doctor thinks has some suspicious signs and has sent off the hospital photos to the eye specialist centre in Sheffield. I am worried to death.

    Less worrying, but annoying and upsetting - I went for my eye test for the first time to a chain opticians in York - I don't use Specsavers, but had used this chain in Norfolk with no previous bother - and the 'new' optician seemed intent on getting me on a conveyor belt to have my cataracts treated. I didn't think there was a problem. Because of this, he hasn't prescribed me any glasses, reading or distance, and says I am not safe to drive. He also advised me to tell lies about how the cataract was bothering me because otherwise I wouldn't get the op - which I don't want anyway. I couldn't talk to him, and he answered my questions either incompletely or not at all.

    I'm going for a second opinion at Specsavers on Tuesday. I don't want to be told I can't drive if my husband needs help for his eye.

    The eye-doctor at York Hospital Eye Clinic told us that we mustn't get ahead of ourselves and think the worst, but it's hard not to worry.

    I am praying hard that it turns out just to be a common freckle and not malignant, and will only need to be monitored, not treated with radiation therapy.
  3. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    What a horrible worry for you @Marcelle123. I do hope that your husband's results come back better than you fear.

    It's so much upheaval for you at the moment - good that things on the housing side are falling into place - but you have no time to enjoy the moment and relax due to the worry over the your husband's latest eye examination - as well as your own eye health.

    I do hope you have better news on Tuesday.

    Thinking of you x
  4. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you so much for your kind wishes, @LynneMcV. xx
  5. Havemercy

    Havemercy Registered User

    Oct 8, 2012
    Very best wishes for your husband's appointment in Sheffield Marcelle123 - keeping fingers crossed that all will be well xx
  6. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you, @Havemercy - waiting to hear back from the York doctor & hoping maybe we won't need to go to Sheffield. But best to have it all investigated.

    Best wishes to you in your own life. xx
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    I hope it all goes well for you and your husband @Marcelle123. I think we all take our eyes for granted until there's a problem.

    Good news about the move. Hopefully the beginning of better times.
  8. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you, @Bunpoots - hope you have a good week. xx
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I hope things are not as bad as you feel @Marcelle123

    I know the worry of eye problems. There is a lot of skill in eye treatment these days and from experience I know the eye doctor will be talking from their experiences too.
  10. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you, @Grannie G (Sylvia) - your good wishes mean a lot. xx
  11. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    We got a call today from the York eye-doctor - Sheffield will want to see my husband 'to explain treatment options', and will be sending us a letter. We kept hoping it would all go away, but it hasn't. Now we'd like to get on and hear what our options are - hope it won't be anything too radical.

    I went for my 'second opinion' eye test today. The optician thinks I do need to have my cataracts done, but it will take some time if I opt for York, so in the mean time she has prescribed me some distance glasses for driving, but warned me not to drive at night.

    York seems best, though, even if it does take six months to a year, because I don't want the complication of a cataract op for me while we're dealing with my husband's much more serious eye problem.
  12. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    Hi Marcelle good news about the house sale finally going through and fingers crossed all goes well with the new house purchase.

    Fingers crossed all is well with your husbands eye and it is nothing too serious.

    You are right to get a second opinion, we, my son and I had a similar issue with an overzealous optician, he referred my son to an eye specialist with some serious worries, so urgent, my son got an eye appointment with a specialist within a couple of weeks. The specialist took one look and said there was nothing wrong. The same optician said I had very high Cholesterol and should see my Dr for tests. I went and had the tests, turned out my Cholesterol levels were perfect.

    Take care. x
  13. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you, @Elle3.
    Very interesting to hear of your experience too.

    Best wishes,
    Marcelle xx
  14. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    We got an appointment at the Sheffield Ocular Oncology clinic for today, so we worried about that all week.

    We are now back from Sheffield for a late lunch (caught the 6.22 train) and the news is mixed but a lot better than we feared.

    AEBear's 'choroidal nevus' (freckle on the back of his eye) is showing signs of change so is precancerous, but it is very small at present. My husband was given the option of just having it observed every 4 months, or apparently there is a laser therapy (not as harmful to the sight as radiation therapy would be if the freckle was 3 mm - at present it's only 0.65 mm) which he could have done which might stop or at least delay its development.

    That is what he's opted for, which the eye specialist seemed to think was a wise decision. It will involve three visits to the Sheffield clinic, each a month apart, and we should be rung up about it next week.
    We were hugely relieved at the time - now feeling a little sad that he has to have the treatment, which does carry some risk - as well as totally shattered after our short night, physical journey and mental angst.
    But it could have been so much worse.

    Thanks to everyone who's posted their support - it was and is much appreciated. xxx
  15. Havemercy

    Havemercy Registered User

    Oct 8, 2012
  16. Havemercy

    Havemercy Registered User

    Oct 8, 2012
    What a relief! I am so glad that the diagnosis was not as bad as you had feared and that there is an effective treatment.
  17. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you, @Havemercy.
  18. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    I hope the laser therapy will be all that is needed, @Marcelle123 . They seem to use laser treatment for a variety of eye conditions. My mother had it to correct problems after a cataract operation, I had it for a retinal problem and it is also used in glaucoma. A very worrying time for you and your husband just when you are settling into your new life in York.
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    I too am glad that it wasn't as bad as feared and hope the laser therapy works.
  20. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you very much for your good wishes, @nita & @jugglingmum.

    It really helps to 'talk' about my worries on this lovely site.

    Very best wishes for all that you hope for in your own lives. xxx

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