Care home move

[pandion]

Mum's been in the care home (temporary/assessment basis) for 9 months (can't believe it) now. Having waited a while for a permanent care home place to materialise, one has finally come up. I went to see it with mum a few weeks ago, she clearly didn't like it, and said she didn't want to go there. That was that. Then a week or so ago she started saying she'd like to try it after all. So we had another visit and she was still agreeing to move. I can't get my head round why she changed her mind, but whatever. The social worker contacted me today to say they're thinking of moving her on Friday.

My question is, do people think it's a good idea to be there for the move, or better to let her settle in a bit first and go and see her afterwards? My concern is that if I'm there when she moves in, there might be issues when I then go to leave, especially if she's unsettled by it all. I've got no idea how she will take it all, the social worker said moves can be a step backwards sometimes and I really hope that's not the case for mum.

 

[Jessbow]

They very much can be a backward step- but may or may not be

Can i ask why you are moving her?
I'd say its unsettling for anyone to be left in a new environment- even without dementia. I'd be guided by the staff/SS.
Do you not have a part in the actual moving of her?

 

[canary]

Its very much "horses for courses" as to whether you visit her or not.
Yes, her wanting to come home with you is a very real possibility - it was with mum
I wasnt with mum when she moved into her care home as she was moved from hospital and on the advice of the care home I left it a couple of days for her to settle.

Whenever you visit, I would recommend that you dont stay too long and you dont visit too often. They need a chance to transfer their dependence on you to the carers and to learn the layout and routine of the home.

 

[DanyCare]

I’m glad that your mum finally agreed to move to a permanent care home after nine months in a temporary one. Regarding your presence on your mum’s transfer, I would also check with the staff if they need your help. If they tell you not to come, I would still stay close by, so I can be there quickly if needed.

 

[pandion]

They very much can be a backward step- but may or may not be

Can i ask why you are moving her?
I'd say its unsettling for anyone to be left in a new environment- even without dementia. I'd be guided by the staff/SS.
Do you not have a part in the actual moving of her?

Hi @Jessbow. She's in an assessment unit type place in a care home after a hospital stay in April. The decision was made in September that she wouldn't be able to go home and so social services started looking for a permanent placement. I am being guided through all of this by the social worker, I'd be lost otherwise! SW has advised that they can get her moved on Friday if ok with me and has asked whether I want to be there or not.

 

[pandion]

Its very much "horses for courses" as to whether you visit her or not.
Yes, her wanting to come home with you is a very real possibility - it was with mum
I wasnt with mum when she moved into her care home as she was moved from hospital and on the advice of the care home I left it a couple of days for her to settle.

Whenever you visit, I would recommend that you dont stay too long and you dont visit too often. They need a chance to transfer their dependence on you to the carers and to learn the layout and routine of the home.

Hi @canary. I've been visiting mum where she is every week, there have been times when I've gone to leave and mum is intending on coming with me, which is why am wondering if it's better to stay away until after the move. Thanks for your advice.

 

[pandion]

I’m glad that your mum finally agreed to move to a permanent care home after nine months in a temporary one. Regarding your presence on your mum’s transfer, I would also check with the staff if they need your help. If they tell you not to come, I would still stay close by, so I can be there quickly if needed.

Hi @DanyCare. Yes it's progess, I think! The social worker asked me if I wanted to be there for the move or not. I'm assuming if I was needed to help with the move somebody would have let me know, they all know I work full time so would have to arrange time off etc. As far as I'm aware they are happy to move her. I'm not far from the home so can get there pretty quickly if needed.

 

[Banjomansmate]

Let the authorities move her and stay out of the way for a day or two then you can claim you had nothing to do with the move. Any future complaints and accusations from Mum can be transferred to “the Dr.“ or “Social Services“ but you are innocent of anything to do with where she ends up.