Telling Nan the care home placement is permanent

[MapleCoffee]

Hi, it’s been a couple of months since I posted here and Nan has been in a fantastic care home for 9 weeks, on the locked side to prevent wandering. She’s been very happy there and seems to have come out of her shell, settled very quickly, but she thinks she’s been there for a week and is staying for a couple more weeks.

Recently the staff have suggested moving her to the non-locked side, to a bigger room with a patio, and we agree that this would be good for her as she doesn’t seem to be a wandering risk. But soon we need to break the news to her that the move to the care home is permanent, as the social worker is going to sign her off soon. How do we break this news to her when she still thinks it’s just for a break and she’ll be coming home in a few weeks? She will forget within a day or maybe even an hour, but in the moment she’ll understand.

Thanks

 

[Bod]

I'd be inclined to say nothing.
If asked, "The Dr's want you to stay here till you are much stronger"

Bod

 

[canary]

Do you have to tell her its permanent?
I never told mum that her stay in her care home was permanent. Sometimes saying nothing is the kindest thing to do.

 

[Rosettastone57]

I never told my mother in law she was staying permanently in her care home. I used to say she could come home when she was better . Telling the truth would have served no purpose other than cause her further distress

 

[MapleCoffee]

I'd be inclined to say nothing.
If asked, "The Dr's want you to stay here till you are much stronger"

Bod

That’s a good point. I’m just concerned because there’s supposed to be a meeting that she is present for to make the final decision to make it permanent. But if we can avoid that then saying nothing does sound kinder

 

[SherwoodSue]

I would share your sensible views with the home staff. She is convalescing

 

[StressedDaughter]

I have never directly stated that to my Mum. She knows we are selling her house but hasn’t necessarily linked the fact that she is there permanently.
She is happy so I don’t rock the boat!

 

[sdmhred]

Yes, ditto to all the above. Mum went into ‘respite for her ‘legs’. She now doesn’t use them and has forgotten home I am sure. She was moved rooms and the home just did it. if she queries that bit….the Hotel has given Her an upgrade for the rest of her holiday.

 

[Aqua Marina]

Thankyou, we have a similar meeting for my Dad in 2 wks, so we dont have to say it's permanent, good idea

 

[Toopie28]

Ditto.
Ma's been in the home 3 months and it's still a luxury Hotel as far as "we" are concerned.