Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Sam

Will definitely look into this , thanks

On a funny note, when you mentioned kitchen

I always help mum change her quilt cover every week. She keeps forgetting it's been done !! Sometimes 3 times a week I can go in, bed stripped and ready for fresh !!

My mum must be the cleanest in the sheltered housing complex for bedding, or so I thought !! One of the ladies spoke to me and said when mum took her washing down to communial laundry she didn't put soap powder in

Have got round that now by tying bottle of wash liquid to wash basket, onwards and upwards

Hi Margi

Mum changes her sheets 3 or 4 times a week ( but moans if I do mine twice), I think she is worried she might smell

She washes up without using soap & I have been pulling everything back out if the cupboards & doing it again to much protesting

Two weeks ago I'd got to the end of my patience so told her. No discussion. I bought you a dishwasher & it will be used from now on

Yay for clean plates

Sam

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

Mum changes her sheets 3 or 4 times a week ( but moans if I do mine twice), I think she is worried she might smell

She washes up without using soap & I have been pulling everything back out if the cupboards & doing it again to much protesting

Two weeks ago I'd got to the end of my patience so told her. No discussion. I bought you a dishwasher & it will be used from now on

Yay for clean plates

Sam

Hi Sam

Uncanny really !! Mum washes up in cold water and no soap too !!!

Never ever have a drink without checking cup out first

She was away at invisible brothers house other week and when this happens flat gets a total deep clean

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Sam

Uncanny really !! Mum washes up in cold water and no soap too !!!

Never ever have a drink without checking cup out first

She was away at invisible brothers house other week and when this happens flat gets a total deep clean

Hi Margi

Mum pours a kettle of boiling water over it, swishes a brush, empties the water & dries with T towel, (no pressure so foods still on plate), no soap so greasy smears

I find it sooooo difficult as she is retired nurse & I swear she'd have bathed us with bleach if she could. She was obsessive about clean / no germs

I told my invisible brother he needed to look after me, coz if anything happens to me, he gets mum. You should have seen his & sil's face Still making me giggle each time I think of that

Sam

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

Mum pours a kettle of boiling water over it, swishes a brush, empties the water & dries with T towel, (no pressure so foods still on plate), no soap so greasy smears

I find it sooooo difficult as she is retired nurse & I swear she'd have bathed us with bleach if she could. She was obsessive about clean / no germs

I told my invisible brother he needed to look after me, coz if anything happens to me, he gets mum. You should have seen his & sil's face Still making me giggle each time I think of that

Sam

Hi Sam

Your post again seems so much like my mum ( they are like mirrors of each other ) i.e. The wipe greasy plate and put back !! The fact mum was always near on OCD in her cleaning with us !!

My invisible brother would have my mum slung straight in a care home rather than have her with him and sil !!

Also the fact now that he is retired and enjoys up to six hols abroad each near would definitely interfere with hi life
When mum was fit and able the above went to live with mum and dad when times were hard for them, mum was child care, cook and cleaner and never took money off them

I know I am ranting again but it's the only way I can get this out without causing ww3 !!

Amazing how after looked after him sil and 3 children they seem to forget this !!
My sil would never in her life have mum to live there either.

Love family

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Sam



My invisible brother would have my mum slung straight in a care home rather than have her with him and sil !!

When mum was fit and able the above went to live with mum and dad when times were hard for them, mum was child care, cook and cleaner and never took money off them

I know I am ranting again but it's the only way I can get this out without causing ww3 !!

My sil would never in her life have mum to live there either.

Love family

Hi Margi

My IB told me bluntly to "put her in a home" rather than him stay with her overnight if I think she needs the care & I need / want a break. I turned on my heel and walked off. It was better than letting my mouth go

No way would the sil have mum with them. The cash register eyes (as my dad described her) is just waiting for the pay out

My parents "lent" my IB the extra for their deposit. No repayment so far, it's only been 19 years! I on the other hand borrowed after my husband left me with debts, dad had a ledger showing repayments, but he didn't charge me interest!! So much for equality

I think my IB realises he is being unfair as he is in touch a bit more, but still no on hands help!!

Rant away Hun, better than WW3

Sam

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

My IB told me bluntly to "put her in a home" rather than him stay with her overnight if I think she needs the care & I need / want a break. I turned on my heel and walked off. It was better than letting my mouth go

No way would the sil have mum with them. The cash register eyes (as my dad described her) is just waiting for the pay out

My parents "lent" my IB the extra for their deposit. No repayment so far, it's only been 19 years! I on the other hand borrowed after my husband left me with debts, dad had a ledger showing repayments, but he didn't charge me interest!! So much for equality

I think my IB realises he is being unfair as he is in touch a bit more, but still no on hands help!!

Rant away Hun, better than WW3

Sam

One of the main reasons mum now lives near us is because mum told me sil had grabbed her wrist and hurt her !! At the time was not sure and thought it may be part of illness ??

But mums neighbor told me later that day there was a big row in street with mum bro and sil !! So house up for sale now and moved mum near us over 80 mile away !!

I wanted to call police and mum cried and said " don't I will get into trouble "
I believe in karma and one day they will get theirs

Also dad gave invisible brother a car and I bought the next one off dad so I know exactly where priorities are for bro !!

One of my main worries now is that when mums house is sold, mum has said she wants to give each of us a small lump sum. I have said to leave in her account ( am worried if or when mum has to go in care she will have give too much) I have no idea how this even works ??
Don't t now if anybody else on here knows about these circumstances ??

 

[mancmum]

Hope I am not intruding

I'm a few years further in than you. At the beginning I felt not good about taking anything from my parent.

In many ways it would actually have been better if I had been paid. It would have made everyone realise the contribution that I made. At the moment all I am doing is allowing money to build up in my parents account which will then disappear into a care home when I am no longer able to cope.

Don't be shy about the worth of what you are doing. Its worth more than money to your mother but it does also have a financial worth.

There should be some sort of system where children who do take on caring are allowed to be paid ...and the tax that that they then pay on their earnings could be used to generate some sort of inspection system so that the elderly are not abused. I am trying to work on some sort of wording that can describe this for my own POA.

 

[Sam Luvit]

One of the main reasons mum now lives near us is because mum told me sil had grabbed her wrist and hurt her !! At the time was not sure and thought it may be part of illness ??

I believe in karma and one day they will get theirs

One of my main worries now is that when mums house is sold, mum has said she wants to give each of us a small lump sum. I have said to leave in her account ( am worried if or when mum has to go in care she will have give too much) I have no idea how this even works ??
Don't t now if anybody else on here knows about these circumstances ??

Hi Margi

I too believe in Karma, or even "God pays his debts but not with money".

I thought long & hard about moving in with mum, selling my house & giving up my privacy. But although this has not been easy, I know I can look myself in the mirror & know I did my best for her. My social life is almost non existent, but I hope to gradually get her used to me doing other things . I can hope lol

Your mum will need to be careful about giving money from the sale of the house, it can be viewed as reducing her savings to increase social payments. If they make that decision, then the money given away can be "added back" as though she still has it.

Not using real figures ... just to show what I mean ....

Let's say, the savings she is allowed to have left before she gets help,with CH fees is £20k and she has given away £15k, then the savings she would be allowed to have would be £5k - the £15 given away being added back to the £5k to give a total of £20k

When looking at savings, they will want the settlement account for the sale, any accepted expenses, (house clearance etc) & then you need to keep a record and bills showing how it's been spent. Not every supermarket shop, but the bigger items, new bed, mattress, bathroom changes etc.

Think of it as protecting the public purse .... why should someone go on a round the world cruise & then get everything for free. A bit unfair as they worked for their money, paid taxes on it & now can't spend it how they like, but that's how it is viewed

I'd be telling your brother if he holds his hand out too often, he will be footing the CH fees in the future

Sam

 

[Sam Luvit]

I'm a few years further in than you. At the beginning I felt not good about taking anything from my parent.

In many ways it would actually have been better if I had been paid. It would have made everyone realise the contribution that I made. At the moment all I am doing is allowing money to build up in my parents account which will then disappear into a care home when I am no longer able to cope.

Don't be shy about the worth of what you are doing. Its worth more than money to your mother but it does also have a financial worth.

There should be some sort of system where children who do take on caring are allowed to be paid ...and the tax that that they then pay on their earnings could be used to generate some sort of inspection system so that the elderly are not abused. I am trying to work on some sort of wording that can describe this for my own POA.

Hi Mancmum

Nice to "meet" you

Intrude away . I'm looking for suggestions & venting my frustrations.

I think I'm worried (not the right word, but the nearest I can think of), about how others would view mum paying me . I know she pays the cleaner, taxi, gardener, but not me when I do the same "job", so I'm saving her some money, but it would feel wrong. Even though it would be good for me, as I've quit my rather well paid job to be here

A friend of a friend has just found himself in hot water with various agencies as his brother accused him of abusing his mother & spending her money (I don't for a moment believe he did, especially as the brother has now taken all the money). Anyway, this friend didn't keep records, used his mum's money to pay Carers, food bills etc & is struggling to sort it out. There has been a lot of "your mum paid for everything, you didn't have to put your hand in your pocket for anything" comments, which I find very unfair

It would be simpler if there was an agreed amount a pwd could pay to help them stay at home, as Carers allowance is a joke. It works out as 40p an hour for me!!!! It would be a whopping £2 an hour if I just did the "30 hours"

I had to let her pay for the cars MOT & new tyres as I just didn't have it & I mostly drive her about rather than using it for me. I think that's fair, but it still didn't feel too good asking her, as I've always paid my own bills.

I try not to think about being made homeless myself if she does have to go into a CH

Hey ho. This caring lark has so many aspects you just have to plough on and ignore

Sam

 

[Sam Luvit]

I feel so selfish :-(

I took on a volunteer position, a whole 8-10 hours over 3 days. I regularly did a ten hour day in my pre carer working life

On days like today, when it's pouring down, cold & blowing, after a really bad night of tossing & turning, I resent having to get up. I can't even "think of the money" coz there isn't any

I miss my old life. I miss the mental challenges of juggling & finding better ways to work. I miss working on a new project & then putting it into practice & seeing it work, or tweaking the "errors" that only show once it's started to grow

I told a (non carer friend) that I missed working sometimes

She just looked at me, "well it was your choice & it's not like you do much"

Really. I know mum can walk 3 doors up the road to visit a neighbour, walks the dog round the block & can make a cup of tea. But I do the rest. It's the checking she's safe, finding things to do to keep her spirits up, listening to the gossip I have no interest in, smoothing her annoyance at my brother etc etc etc that wears me down

I know I made the choice. I know I could have left her to it & the inevitable CH, but I just couldn't.

I just feel so selfish thinking I've got a long weekend & could visit a friend, do some of the things I like, but can't as I have to put mum first.

I know plenty of people are doing more than I am, which just makes me feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself about what I can't do

At least I can have a virtual conversation with myself on TP and give myself a virtual kick up the proverbial

Sam

 

[Margi29]

I'm a few years further in than you. At the beginning I felt not good about taking anything from my parent.

In many ways it would actually have been better if I had been paid. It would have made everyone realise the contribution that I made. At the moment all I am doing is allowing money to build up in my parents account which will then disappear into a care home when I am no longer able to cope.

Don't be shy about the worth of what you are doing. Its worth more than money to your mother but it does also have a financial worth.

There should be some sort of system where children who do take on caring are allowed to be paid ...and the tax that that they then pay on their earnings could be used to generate some sort of inspection system so that the elderly are not abused. I am trying to work on some sort of wording that can describe this for my own POA.

Hi mancmum

Thank you for your reply.

I agree that yes it would be better if we got paid for the care we do. But I would have to admit I would then feel guilty too for taking the money too. This is a hard one !!
I saw on another post that carers can charge between £22 and £28 per hour !! I nearly fell off my chair !!

Many times when I go for mums shopping I say , it's ok mum I bought it this week.
Actually not going to do that anymore as will be more money sat in bank building up.

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

I too believe in Karma, or even "God pays his debts but not with money".

I thought long & hard about moving in with mum, selling my house & giving up my privacy. But although this has not been easy, I know I can look myself in the mirror & know I did my best for her. My social life is almost non existent, but I hope to gradually get her used to me doing other things . I can hope lol

Your mum will need to be careful about giving money from the sale of the house, it can be viewed as reducing her savings to increase social payments. If they make that decision, then the money given away can be "added back" as though she still has it.

Not using real figures ... just to show what I mean ....

Let's say, the savings she is allowed to have left before she gets help,with CH fees is £20k and she has given away £15k, then the savings she would be allowed to have would be £5k - the £15 given away being added back to the £5k to give a total of £20k

When looking at savings, they will want the settlement account for the sale, any accepted expenses, (house clearance etc) & then you need to keep a record and bills showing how it's been spent. Not every supermarket shop, but the bigger items, new bed, mattress, bathroom changes etc.

Think of it as protecting the public purse .... why should someone go on a round the world cruise & then get everything for free. A bit unfair as they worked for their money, paid taxes on it & now can't spend it how they like, but that's how it is viewed

I'd be telling your brother if he holds his hand out too often, he will be footing the CH fees in the future

Sam

Hi Sam

Yes am with you on that "god pays his debts but not with money "

I think you are really doing a marvellous job at caring for your mum. It's because of love we do this and remember how good they were to us when younger.

As far as reducing mums savings I would love to take her on world cruise with me as the carer but after the holiday in September I had with her for eleven nights there would be a possibility of me swimming home

If I took mum to Cornwall ?? Next year and she pays for herself do they class that as overspending ?? Totally not a clue as to how much she can actually ' enjoy ' of her hard earned money??
I was frightened all the time abroad this year that she would fall etc... I had not put on insurance about diagnosis!!

There is more chance of a pink pig flying over our house than bro giving back anything mum gives him.

Then what would happen if mum is in care and no money in pot ???

Waiting for snow in Yorkshire tonight

 

[Sam Luvit]

Holidays

Hi Sam

Yes am with you on that "god pays his debts but not with money "

I think you are really doing a marvellous job at caring for your mum. It's because of love we do this and remember how good they were to us when younger.

As far as reducing mums savings I would love to take her on world cruise with me as the carer but after the holiday in September I had with her for eleven nights there would be a possibility of me swimming home ����

If I took mum to Cornwall ?? Next year and she pays for herself do they class that as overspending ?? Totally not a clue as to how much she can actually ' enjoy ' of her hard earned money??

Then what would happen if mum is in care and no money in pot ???

Waiting for snow in Yorkshire tonight

Hi Margi

Thank you for the vote of confidence, I wonder if I am doing ok for mum & TBH, we didn't exactly get on till about 5 years ago , although I did try. As for when I was younger, maybe another post when I can face that one, boarding school does not make for happy childhood memories or feeling of being loved / wanted

I took mum to Eyypt in September . I insisted on the insurance & TBH, there was no difference in cost including the diagnosis . The high premium was due to her age

It wasn't exactly a holiday for me, I had to walk with her to the loo, get all the drinks & carry most things, but, the staff were really good to her & I did get a tan

If we do it again, she WILL be taking a walker, like it or not, as I was worried about her slipping.

It's about reasonable spending. So I took the view that my parents went on holiday (several) every year, so this was "normal" spending for them.

As for the Cornwall holiday, your mum wouldn't be able to go on her own, so it should be reasonable for her to pay for you as a carer to accompany her. Maybe not the massive bar bill (!!!!), or the retail therapy bill, but certainly the hotel & travel & food.

Maybe we should sort a "Carer & Caree Holiday Group" . Agree on max price & choice of destinations then share the load ha ha

Yorkshire snow ... it's why my parents moved "down south"

Sam

 

[Margi29]

I took on a volunteer position, a whole 8-10 hours over 3 days. I regularly did a ten hour day in my pre carer working life

On days like today, when it's pouring down, cold & blowing, after a really bad night of tossing & turning, I resent having to get up. I can't even "think of the money" coz there isn't any

I miss my old life. I miss the mental challenges of juggling & finding better ways to work. I miss working on a new project & then putting it into practice & seeing it work, or tweaking the "errors" that only show once it's started to grow

I told a (non carer friend) that I missed working sometimes

She just looked at me, "well it was your choice & it's not like you do much"

Really. I know mum can walk 3 doors up the road to visit a neighbour, walks the dog round the block & can make a cup of tea. But I do the rest. It's the checking she's safe, finding things to do to keep her spirits up, listening to the gossip I have no interest in, smoothing her annoyance at my brother etc etc etc that wears me down

I know I made the choice. I know I could have left her to it & the inevitable CH, but I just couldn't.

I just feel so selfish thinking I've got a long weekend & could visit a friend, do some of the things I like, but can't as I have to put mum first.

I know plenty of people are doing more than I am, which just makes me feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself about what I can't do

At least I can have a virtual conversation with myself on TP and give myself a virtual kick up the proverbial

Sam

Hi Sam

Don't feel as if you are been selfish, your not !!

Am sure your mum on good days is so glad you are there for her. It's hard I know
Can your brother not perhaps come for one weekend and stay with mum ?? So you can get away ??

Point out to him that one day she will need far more care i.e. Hygiene and it's better to do now at this point than later !!

I remember mum always said years ago " put me in a home , I don't want to be a burden "
I can not even contemplate that at moment, but do know like you and from what others are going through on this site it could become a possibility in the future.

It must be so hard for you, keep having nights out if possible, if only for your sanity !!

Ps in regard to your non carer friends comment, she maybe needs to try your shoes on for a day!! Then she may see just how much you do !!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Sam

Don't feel as if you are been selfish, your not !!

Am sure your mum on good days is so glad you are there for her. It's hard I know ��
Can your brother not perhaps come for one weekend and stay with mum ?? So you can get away ??

Point out to him that one day she will need far more care i.e. Hygiene and it's better to do now at this point than later !!

I remember mum always said years ago " put me in a home , I don't want to be a burden "
I can not even contemplate that at moment, but do know like you and from what others are going through on this site it could become a possibility in the future.

It must be so hard for you, keep having nights out if possible, if only for your sanity !!

Ps in regard to your non carer friends comment, she maybe needs to try your shoes on for a day!! Then she may see just how much you do !!

Hi Margi

The last few days mum has been pathetically grateful, IYKWIM, thanking me for all I do, while I don't want the thanks, I have & do appreciate her knowing I am doing a lot for her. It makes it easier somehow.

I've asked my brother to help. Told him he needs to think about staying here in a year or 3 so I can go on holiday, his response was an outright refusal. No chance. Not going to happen . She doesn't need personal care. He would need to cook, but it doesn't need to be fancy. When I went away earlier this year, I filled the freezer with ready meals, frozen batch cooked stuff & she was fine. I arranged for neighbours to get her bread & milk, but he is her son. He should do this, not the neighbours or the cleaner . I phoned (wow that wasn't cheap) to check on her & had things in peace. But she has deteriorated a lit in the last 6 months.

Mum used to say, "if I get Alzheimer's shoot me". Life is cruel. She also said, never to put her in a home (she worked in too many to have good thoughts on that), she'd rather we dumped her on the side of the road!!!

Knowing her, she would just stop eating, take to her bed and wait to die. She's a stubborn old girl. She would be gone in months if she went into CH, which is part of why I just couldn't do it to her.

I am trying to force myself to get social again, but it's hard starting again in a new area & the energy needed ..... it's easier to pick up a book or fall asleep in front of the TV

I told the non carer friend "you have no idea". She says her mum hates her, so I should count myself lucky my mum loves me enough to allow me to live with her .... rent free!!!!
Some people should just **** up. I'm keeping my distance for a few weeks

Sam

 

[Sam Luvit]

I've been thinking about Christmas ... :-(

As the last forkful of spaghetti carbonara was eaten, I heard those dreaded words ..

"I've been thinking about Christmas & I'm not inviting S (brother) or any of them. They don't want to come and it's just a farce

Oh boy. What do I do now???

I have been playing peacemaker for years. My brother, his & my children v mum. I make excuses, some valid, some very true & already told by them to her, others bare faced lies from me to keep the peace.

I really can't be doing with mum deciding to exclude her son / my brother on a whim. At nearly 82, I've no idea if she will be here next year or if the Alz will mean here in body but not mind. He may be an Invisible, but she adores him & he cares in his own way.

So, while I'm pouring oil on very turbulent waters, darling IB makes the going even harder by texting to say he is too busy to come and confirm the memorial vase for dad tomorrow, finishing with .... send me photos!!!

I can only hope she leaves that behind & I don't have to spend the next few weeks battling his corner

The hardest part is, I also want to scream at him

Why can't he understand that maybe I wanted a bit of support myself & in supporting mum. It may be her husband, but he was our dad too & I miss him so much. I can't cry in front of mum as it just upsets her even more

Bliddy families

Sam

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

The last few days mum has been pathetically grateful, IYKWIM, thanking me for all I do, while I don't want the thanks, I have & do appreciate her knowing I am doing a lot for her. It makes it easier somehow.

I've asked my brother to help. Told him he needs to think about staying here in a year or 3 so I can go on holiday, his response was an outright refusal. No chance. Not going to happen . She doesn't need personal care. He would need to cook, but it doesn't need to be fancy. When I went away earlier this year, I filled the freezer with ready meals, frozen batch cooked stuff & she was fine. I arranged for neighbours to get her bread & milk, but he is her son. He should do this, not the neighbours or the cleaner . I phoned (wow that wasn't cheap) to check on her & had things in peace. But she has deteriorated a lit in the last 6 months.


Mum used to say, "if I get Alzheimer's shoot me". Life is cruel. She also said, never to put her in a home (she worked in too many to have good thoughts on that), she'd rather we dumped her on the side of the road!!!

Knowing her, she would just stop eating, take to her bed and wait to die. She's a stubborn old girl. She would be gone in months if she went into CH, which is part of why I just couldn't do it to her.

I am trying to force myself to get social again, but it's hard starting again in a new area & the energy needed ..... it's easier to pick up a book or fall asleep in front of the TV

I told the non carer friend "you have no idea". She says her mum hates her, so I should count myself lucky my mum loves me enough to allow me to live with her .... rent free!!!!
Some people should just **** up. I'm keeping my distance for a few weeks

Sam

Hi Sam

Appears to be a bit mean that invisible won't help you have a break !!
I am going next year for a break for friends 50th and my invisible has been given dates, he says will be there for mum for week, so we will see

When you get chance have a read at my experience abroad with mum !!
I think it comes under " taking person with AZ on holiday " and I added to thread.
It was like a bad comedy sketch.

Yes I have now too filled mums freezer due to the weather we get up here, I need some sun !!

Am slowly working my way down your previous post so as to answer ha ha

I say to my children now " if I get AZ shoot me " am sure they will oblige!!

I see your point about your mum going into care, I feel my mum would not last long and just give up. For now will go on and a very large glass of wine at end of day may help.

I go to bed and read ,then fall asleep. I work a lot of nights ( have done for years) as time goes on and mum gets worse the plan is to cut back the hours for a while and claim carers. Yes the amount is ridiculous !!

Rent free !!! Erm!!! Give that a swerve for a bit or when it snows near you ,throw a snow ball at her

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

Thank you for the vote of confidence, I wonder if I am doing ok for mum & TBH, we didn't exactly get on till about 5 years ago , although I did try. As for when I was younger, maybe another post when I can face that one, boarding school does not make for happy childhood memories or feeling of being loved / wanted

I took mum to Eyypt in September . I insisted on the insurance & TBH, there was no difference in cost including the diagnosis . The high premium was due to her age

It wasn't exactly a holiday for me, I had to walk with her to the loo, get all the drinks & carry most things, but, the staff were really good to her & I did get a tan

If we do it again, she WILL be taking a walker, like it or not, as I was worried about her slipping.

It's about reasonable spending. So I took the view that my parents went on holiday (several) every year, so this was "normal" spending for them.

As for the Cornwall holiday, your mum wouldn't be able to go on her own, so it should be reasonable for her to pay for you as a carer to accompany her. Maybe not the massive bar bill (!!!!), or the retail therapy bill, but certainly the hotel & travel & food.

Maybe we should sort a "Carer & Caree Holiday Group" . Agree on max price & choice of destinations then share the load ha ha

Yorkshire snow ... it's why my parents moved "down south"

Sam

Hi Sam

Yes " carer and care group " sounds like a plan !!

I know as soon as house sale goes through mum is going to want to book abroad !!
At the moment I can not even think of going out of the country with mum.
Really long story that a lot was not put in my post, but sundowning ?? Was quite nasty at times to me ,then could spend up to 3 hours staring and giving me bad looks !! No matter what I did, she continued, my friend and sister were with us and it could be uncomfortable for all.

Sat by pool and mum would shout at top of voice " have you seen the size of her a**e !! " I wanted to curl up on sun bed and die !!

Me , friend and sister are not skinny at all and mum appeared not to notice us !! I pointed this out , she laughed and continued !!

If any other guests were chatting to us, she could be rude to them too !!

Will one day do a long post on the experience ha ha

So that's why Cornwall is a choice maybe?? Or Blackpool ���� easier to get home if she is as bad as last time

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Sam

Yes " carer and care group " sounds like a plan !!


Sat by pool and mum would shout at top of voice " have you seen the size of her a**e !! " I wanted to curl up on sun bed and die !!

If any other guests were chatting to us, she could be rude to them too !!

So that's why Cornwall is a choice maybe?? Or Blackpool ���� easier to get home if she is as bad as last time

Hi Margi

What is it about "the size of her a*$e" comments. Mum seems to focus on that a lot. I did OTT shocked face & told her not to be so bliddy rude. It worked this time, but I can see that is going to one to watch for

Mum is a big fan of the sun, so abroad meant that was more certain than in the UK, although the stress of getting there was high, overall, I think it was a success. I don't have sundowning or too much of the very rude. I did firmly steer her off to the room a few times as I saw her starting to get that way.

Mum was dismissive of some people, saying she couldn't hear them, then turning her back & picking up a book others she chatted with a bit & was then put out if she didn't see them the next day, asking what I had done for them not to be speaking to us???? I suggested they were out of the hotel not avoiding us

Have to admit, I was pretty much full on "looking after/spoiling her", so she was centre of my attention, so while I was tired, it was less fraught.

I've tried suggesting doing a road trip to visit friends in Yorkshire, Lancashire etc, she is not keen. I've said we can break the journey by either visiting other places or friends, but I'm not sure if it's the journey or actually seeing people that she's resisting. She's getting more insular these days

Sam

 

[Margi29]

Hi Margi

What is it about "the size of her a*$e" comments. Mum seems to focus on that a lot. I did OTT shocked face & told her not to be so bliddy rude. It worked this time, but I can see that is going to one to watch for

Mum is a big fan of the sun, so abroad meant that was more certain than in the UK, although the stress of getting there was high, overall, I think it was a success. I don't have sundowning or too much of the very rude. I did firmly steer her off to the room a few times as I saw her starting to get that way.

Mum was dismissive of some people, saying she couldn't hear them, then turning her back & picking up a book others she chatted with a bit & was then put out if she didn't see them the next day, asking what I had done for them not to be speaking to us???? I suggested they were out of the hotel not avoiding us

Have to admit, I was pretty much full on "looking after/spoiling her", so she was centre of my attention, so while I was tired, it was less fraught.

I've tried suggesting doing a road trip to visit friends in Yorkshire, Lancashire etc, she is not keen. I've said we can break the journey by either visiting other places or friends, but I'm not sure if it's the journey or actually seeing people that she's resisting. She's getting more insular these days

Sam

Hi Sam

Hope you and your mum are ok ??
The weather in our area is absolutely dier !! My daughter lives in a village that is so high up above sea level the snow comes and stays till April !! Have been there and cursed all way home as I am terrified of driving in this !!

Mum was not too good past few days ( wobbly) but now is ok again. Yet another set of bedding on again !! Xmas bedding now !! I swear the tree will be up soon

Mum and dad used to love their hols abroad ( went prob five or six times a year after retiring ) my mum loves the sun and I do too.

All cards and presents are done on mums part now, she kept asking if anyone had been forgotten every day and I thought get all mums done then I can start on my Xmas shopping

Now mum keeps asking " where am I going Xmas day " it doesn't matter how many times I say " mine " the question is the same every day.
I think it's thrown mum with the snow !!

Margi29