Becoming my Mum's Carer...

[HillyBilly]

Situation deteriorated even further. Mum surfaced from her room and deigned to speak to her subjects but only to announce that she'd had diarrhoea. Gave her a drink and some dry toast and the radio playing classical music. Then she started rummaging through drawers and cupboards. Looking for toothbrush and toothpaste apparently. Directed her to bathroom. Asked her if she wanted to go to bed. Yes she did. Went to fetch her nightie and dressing gown from bedroom. Returned to bathroom with same - oh yes, just pack me off to bed then, was the greeting as I entered the bathroom. She decided she was going to sit in the bathroom and not go to bed after all. OK, no problem.

At this point my neighbour knocked on the front door to offer her sitting services for a few hours on Saturday. Returned from discreet conversation outside to find Mum engaged in heated debate with OH telling him in no uncertain terms that we're treating her like a child and were we aware that she passed the 11 plus. He managed to get her to sit in the snug with him. I went to her room, switched the light on and found the diarrhoea was not just in the chemical toilet but all over it and the wall behind it. Big clear up session. Dinner postponed. OH doesn't have a strong stomach so kept him away from the crime scene. (I once owned a pub so have become hardened to this sort of thing).

Big glass of restorative wine later, dinner back on. Mum now hungry and a bit more engaged. She ate my dinner and I made do with her untouched lunch.

Not a good day

 

[LadyA]

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. I always used to tell myself that NEXT time things went well for a few days, I would NOT be lulled into a false sense of security. Because I knew it wouldn't last. And yet, every time, a few relatively good days, and it was like being doused in ice water when William's moods changed again.
Rotten dementia.
You don't suppose your mum is brewing an infection of some kind?

 

[pahaps]

Compared to some, I am relatively new to all this. Dad diagnosed with AD about 18 months ago. Long distance carer. Becoming very challenging.
It's dawning on me that there are thousands of people like you quietly trying to cope with the utter madness while holding your lives together. I am in awe.

 

[HillyBilly]

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. I always used to tell myself that NEXT time things went well for a few days, I would NOT be lulled into a false sense of security. Because I knew it wouldn't last. And yet, every time, a few relatively good days, and it was like being doused in ice water when William's moods changed again.
Rotten dementia.
You don't suppose your mum is brewing an infection of some kind?

I know - but it's just oh so tempting to have that glimmer of rose tinted spectacles hope, isn't it?!
Liquid-wise I've only got 2 cups of tea, a glass of blackcurrant squash and a few sips of water into her today so wouldn't be surprised if there's a UTI on the horizon.
Supposed to be day care tomorrow...let's see what the night brings on. Joe Duffy, where are you???!!

 

[HillyBilly]

Compared to some, I am relatively new to all this. Dad diagnosed with AD about 18 months ago. Long distance carer. Becoming very challenging.
It's dawning on me that there are thousands of people like you quietly trying to cope with the utter madness while holding your lives together. I am in awe.

Hey, I'm only on L plates too, don't you worry! A mere beginner.
That's what's so great about this site though, isn't it? We are all in awe of each other!

 

[pahaps]

I don't want to turn into a TP night owl but I currently can't sleep and don't know of a better place to share with others in the same situation.

 

[Tattoo Lane]

I don't want to turn into a TP night owl but I currently can't sleep and don't know of a better place to share with others in the same situation.

I am in awe of everyone in here, especially the ones that deal with accidents ( and can actually spell diah ... diarh .... accidents!)

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh dear, HB. That's not good at all.

I admit to being sidetracked by your admission that you once owned a pub. I imagine you could tell a lot of stories! I'm sorry, that is just not relevant but you have piqued my curiosity (I do know what it did to the cat).

Hardened or not, I hope you have a good supply of gloves and industrial cleaner. You are kind to spare OH that duty today. I don't mind cleaning the fixtures so much, but the walls, oh, dear.

And I am sorry to have to say this, but might you consider a flooring surface other than carpet? It might save you a lot of labor in the long run to have some sort of impermeable flooring in her room.

And I'm even sorrier to have to say this, but give your mum's hands a good scrub, and be sure to check under her nails (sorry!). I've read stories on here about that and you don't need her exposed to more germs/bacteria, or for you to get sick.

I would be tempted to ring the GP or nurse in the morning and get her checked out, in case there is an infection or other illness brewing. And to see what they can do to get this diarrhea cleared up, or if that's perhaps a symptom of a bug she's picked up. (I still think your instinct to stop her raw milk consumption is good, and agree that's the most likely cause, but just in case it's something else.) Because I think the diarrhea has been going on long enough where I'd start to worry about dehydration.

I'm so sorry, HB. Please keep us updated when you have time and energy to do so and I hope hope hope you get some sleep tonight, all of you.

 

[LadyA]

I am in awe of everyone in here, especially the ones that deal with accidents ( and can actually spell diah ... diarh .... accidents!)

Poo!

 

[LadyA]

Might be no harm to get a stool sample tested too. When my dau was small, she got diarrhoea one time and it just didn't clear up! She had it for over a week. Finally, the doctor tested a sample - "Have you got a dog? " he asked "or does her child-minder have a dog?" - "No, and no, why?" Because the bug she had was one that was caught from dog saliva. Turned out one of the child minder's neighbours had a dog that used to come into her garden sometimes - and my dau would throw a ball for him and he would bring it back to her.

 

[HillyBilly]

I admit to being sidetracked by your admission that you once owned a pub. I imagine you could tell a lot of stories! I'm sorry, that is just not relevant but you have piqued my curiosity (I do know what it did to the cat).

LOL. 16 years ago I did the classic "I love my local (pub) so much that I'll buy it". (The owners were retiring and I already did the odd shift behind the bar for them.) Bought the pub, loathed the pub trade. Sold up 3 long and exhausting years later. But what you find and have to clean up in the toilets (men's particularly) hardens your stomach.

Hardened or not, I hope you have a good supply of gloves and industrial cleaner. You are kind to spare OH that duty today. I don't mind cleaning the fixtures so much, but the walls, oh, dear.

And I am sorry to have to say this, but might you consider a flooring surface other than carpet? It might save you a lot of labor in the long run to have some sort of impermeable flooring in her room.

Yep - got gloves and a whole arsenal of cleaning products, disinfectants, anti-bacterial sprays/wipes, hand sanitiser...

We've laminate flooring in Mum's room but put her rugs on top as it made it cosier and less noisy. I've got some rubber mats beneath and around the chemical toilet itself.

Thanks for the tip re fingernails too.

None of the D-word today. She went to day care and all was well. Stopped off for a 99 (an ice cream cone) on the way home.

Poo!

LOL - stop it!!!

the bug she had was one that was caught from dog saliva

Oh my! It could be that! The dog is always "kissing" her

We would have had a decent night's sleep...except...the new bin collection service that we've contracted (to deal with the mountain of incontinence product waste) emptied our wheelie bins AT 4AM

Tomorrow my neighbour is going to sit Mum for 6 hours from 1pm so that I can go to an important race meeting that OH is competing in. It's a 2 dayer but not sure if I'll be able to get to go on Sunday too...will see how tomorrow goes and if neighbour is willing

 

[HillyBilly]

Can't do this!

Can't do this. No. Am not a carer it seems. Not a hands on one anyway.
Mum was dog tired but happy as larry last night after her day at day care and took herself off to bed early.
Slept right through the night. Emerged from her room at 9am spouting viciousness, vitriol and venom. It's like a miasma descending. Upset the dog again.
"There's not even a bloody bath in this place so I can have a bath" she shouts, standing in the bathroom, beside the bath
OH slunk off to his race meeting early taking the dog with him.
Mum's room looked liked it had been ransacked - wardrobe emptied, clothes everywhere - and there was poo all over the chemical toilet again. She'd removed her fixation pants but put trousers on
Eventually calmed her down, got her into the shower and dressed.
Distraction, distraction, distraction.
Tea, pills and breakfast.
Now asking questions about her memory loss problems. Sod's law a piece came on the radio about dementia - had to surreptitiously change channels.
Sitter due in 10mins. Oh god, dare I leave her with Mum????!!!!!!

 

[Harrys daughter]

Yes you need a break go xx

 

[Tin]

I was definitely not 'carer' material when I started this, at the beginning I was just as confused, agitated and angry as my mum.

The night time bowel movements completely did me in. I think the only thing that kept me going back then was my complete stubborn nature to carry on and get it right, bloody nightmare.

Don't worry too much about your dog, when mum moved in with me I still had my lab and he learnt very quickly to stay out of mum's way and somehow completely ignore any instructions/commands she gave him, but I did have to remind mum that she was not being very nice to my dog and to stop it! Her own little dog has now found her own way to deal with all this and that is just to ignore mum, when mum chases her around the garden trying to pick her up and cuddle, the dog just runs around thinking it is a game.

Back to the poo, maybe it would help to post a normal day of food and times, between us we might be able to pin point something else, other than the milk.

Hope you found the courage to leave the house and your mum with a sitter

 

[HillyBilly]

I did.
Mind you, I am so tired I really shouldn't be driving.
Got back at the allotted hour and Mum and the sitter were fine, doing a crossword together.
Sitter departed and Mum's now back in miserable, woe is me mode.

 

[LadyA]

Ah, don't you just love "Hostess Mode ". Not.

 

[HillyBilly]

I sunburned my Mother!

Ah, don't you just love "Hostess Mode ". Not.

Quite

So...miserable Saturday evening with Mum - took herself off to bed with no dinner.

Sunday dawned - lovely sunny, warm. Me up with the larks (aka chickens). Woke Mum up all jolly with a cup of tea only to be met with more venom, a horrible angry, malicious rictus-like expression (never seen that before) on her face and slamming of the zimmer frame here and there. Complaining of being cold. Said, OK Mum, let's get you up and moving to get your circulation going. She retorted with, yes, I know what circulation is, I'm not stupid

Thought, sod it, OH is racing today (day 2 of a 2 dayer), sitter can't help, either I can be here all day with Mum, both being miserable, or I can bundle her in the car and take her to the races where she can be miserable but at least I can have some enjoyment. So that is what I did. Up dressed and out of the house, not even any breakfast. Bad daughter.

Sat Mum in a field all day, 2 hourly trips to a porta-loo (you can't fit 2 people in a porta-loo I have discovered), she was OK-ish. Lots of friends stopped by to speak with her. Cups of tea, squash, biscuits, chocolate. Not a balanced diet at all. Ran out of pads. Hey ho. It's hard to stuff a pad down a porta-loo

Mum slept all the way home. No dinner again as wanted to go to bed. Urine very yellow. Had to force her to drink a glass of water.

Up this morning as normal, all OK. Showered her. As I was drying her off I spotted a red patch on her neck. Oh god I've scalded her in the shower. No, I've got her sunburned lol. Doesn't happen that often in Ireland Off to day care. Advised them of Mum's morning "moods". Call from day care to advise of UTI. They also thought she was flushed and took her temperature. (No, that was due to me getting her sunburned yesterday. Bad daughter again). Call to GP. Prescription for ABs dispensed. Pick Mum up. GP. Pharmacy. Pills down neck. Told her that if she doesn't drink enough water she gets bladder infections and when she gets bladder infections her memory gets worse. Love lie.

At dinner I gave her endless glasses of blackcurrant squash to drink, with a straw (thanks Amy) and OH and I drank wine through straws. We "toasted" anyone who came up in conversation. Mum is now hydrated, OH and I are a bottle of Shiraz and a bottle of Pinot Grigio to the wind.

 

[LadyA]

Actually, I learned to know that William was brewing another chest infection (they were his thing- never had a single UTI!) by a weird sort of look he would get. A sort of extremely intense stare, as if he was looking right through your head into your brain and examining all your thoughts, and then wondering what species of insect you were anyway! :-o After he'd been in the nursing home a while, one of the staff said one day that they now understood what I was describing - he'd gotten that look that day, and from my description, they'd recognised it, and gotten the GP in!

 

[HillyBilly]

then wondering what species of insect you were anyway!

Did you ever find out?!

 

[LadyA]

Did you ever find out?!

Lol. Nope!