‘Isn't there anyone that can help me?’

[MrWobbles]

My dear Wife asks this a lot now. She has suddenly become acutely aware that she not at all well. I’m struggling for the right words and I know everyone’s been there that reads this message! My GP tells me to explain that it’s not curable. But this is to lose all hope? My Wife was aware of the original diagnosis but has since forgotten. It’s as if she has suddenly woken up to some hideous reality. ‘This is serious stuff, what the hell are you doing about it?’
I thinking of all the previous conversation, honesty tempered with kindness etc., but my Wife has forgotten it all. Bless her. My poor girl is looking to me to help her!!! MR W

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @MrWobbles

When my husband was at home with me I told him I was using the forum to try to find ways to help him

He accepted it.

 

[Fugs]

The approach that I use is to ask how she feels in herself. She states that she feels OK. I then reply that in that case she is not going to die any time soon. None of use know when we are going to die, and in the meantime we might as well do things that we enjoy. Obviously each PWD is different, but it worked for me. 🤷‍♂️

 

[Kevinl]

Just is what it is as they say that after something over 10 years on this site, wife first with early onset then mum with an MCI came to live here too, both now passed away.
Fight all the battles you want, but you will loose the war, AZ carers like us are just collateral damage to dementia.
You obviously care, best help she can get. K

 

[MrWobbles]

The approach that I use is to ask how she feels in herself. She states that she feels OK. I then reply that in that case she is not going to die any time soon. None of use know when we are going to die, and in the meantime we might as well do things that we enjoy. Obviously each PWD is different, but it worked for me. 🤷‍♂️

Thank you for your response. It’s always gratifying to get almost instant feedback. Thank you. Ditto to Grannie G. Bless you both.
May I ask, What would you say if she said that she WASNT OK? My wife doesnt feel okay. MrW

 

[Grannie G]

May I ask, What would you say if she said that she WASNT OK? My wife doesnt feel okay. MrW

I would say she’s going through a phase and all she can do is eat well, get as much fresh air and exercise as possible and hope she will sooner better.

Would she be able to take some vitamins if her doctor approves, as a placebo.

 

[Fugs]

Thank you for your response. It’s always gratifying to get almost instant feedback. Thank you. Ditto to Grannie G. Bless you both.
May I ask, What would you say if she said that she WASNT OK? My wife doesnt feel okay. MrW

Hmmmm. Can I ask in what way she doesn't feel OK? I wasn't aware that Az made someone feel unwell, just confused. And obviously my wife does feel very confused.

 

[Alisongs]

My dear Wife asks this a lot now. She has suddenly become acutely aware that she not at all well. I’m struggling for the right words and I know everyone’s been there that reads this message! My GP tells me to explain that it’s not curable. But this is to lose all hope? My Wife was aware of the original diagnosis but has since forgotten. It’s as if she has suddenly woken up to some hideous reality. ‘This is serious stuff, what the hell are you doing about it?’
I thinking of all the previous conversation, honesty tempered with kindness etc., but my Wife has forgotten it all. Bless her. My poor girl is looking to me to help her!!! MR W

With dementia, the victim thinks differently, feels differently and acts and reacts differently from day to day and even within a day. And does not remember recent events and conversations. How do you feel? Is a good question. Offering to find help and advice, or giving a simple immediate simple solution are all good resolves. Anything such as "Let's make a cup of tea and then we can sort it out". (Also a good distraction so the mood moves on.) If there is evidence of pain or discomfort or cold, just deal with that first. Keep several copies of letters, leaflets and booklets to refer to time and again. Print screens off the Internet. Say you will ring the doctor or a helpline tomorrow. Say you're waiting for information or a callback or explain when the next appointment is due. Focus on what can be done now or shortly, not what has been done and forgotten. Always say "We want the best help for you and we're waiting in a queue. We'll find out more soon.". Keep a diary of what is done. It's all evidence that positive progress is being made

 

[Alisongs]

I would say she’s going through a phase and all she can do is eat well, get as much fresh air and exercise as possible and hope she will sooner better.

Would she be able to take some vitamins if her doctor approves, as a placebo.

Love the vitamins idea. My husband takes B vitamins that might help dementia, D vitamins to compensate for lack of sunshine as he's often too anxious to go out, and a daily chunk of dark chocolate and up to 5 dried strawberries ( both from M and S) as our informal response to finding out thesr are being trialled for dementia prevention! Naughty but nice too!

 

[Fugs]

Love the vitamins idea. My husband takes B vitamins that might help dementia, D vitamins to compensate for lack of sunshine as he's often too anxious to go out, and a daily chunk of dark chocolate and up to 5 dried strawberries ( both from M and S) as our informal response to finding out thesr are being trialled for dementia prevention! Naughty but nice too!

@MrWobbles MCT oil claims to support brain function, and my wife insisted on having it. It also keeps her stool soft so I always add it too her porridge. Perhaps a whole programme of vitamins etc might allow you to show that you ate doing something.

 

[Anthoula]

My OH has been taking vitamins B12 and D, along with combined Omega 3,6 & 9 for about 3 years. All with GP`s approval. Do they help OH? I have not really got a clue. No real way of testing other than withdrawing them. Certainly his diet lacks B12 due to him not eating meat, and he spends very little time outside now so no natural vitamin D. Omega 3 etc. is reportedly good for the brain, although I am not so sure about that these days!

 

[MrWobbles]

Thanks to all the above for responding to my request for support. It’s interesting to read all the various approaches. I sat in sun this morning with a cup of tea. A reminder that I need nurturing, too and some vitamin D!
Thank you again. Any additional suggestions most welcomed.