TLDR: A post about how the bank CAN help a relative with dementia maintain financial independence.
Amazon Prime is fantastic for Urgent food deliveries.
Hope this is of interest to some (or many), I was basically told ‘you need an LPA’…
Nothing else you can do…….
That’s fine in principle, but in practice, not yet in effect, is one issue.
My understanding is that was taking about 10 weeks Pre Covid and now 6 months plus??? And if there’s any ‘errors’ on the forms back they come…
The only other bit of advice was ‘Act in best interests’ but no advice about practically what that means???
Second issue is my mum wants to retain financial independence.
Again that’s fine in principle, but we in that ‘gray area’ were some things mum can do fine… and some things not so well. A particularly thorny issue is shopping. Mum wants to do it… says she’s going to do it and sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t and has no food…
Has been diagnosed with the ‘mixed’ form and I think the shopping issue mirrors the ‘some days better than others’ thing.
I’m not sure where the ‘tip’ came from but I was told that if approached the bank with a copy of the letter with the diagnosis they ‘might’ help…
So….
In simple terms the Natwest bank, after much hoop jumping, have added myself as a ‘3rd party mandated’ person on my mum’s account.
I believe there are some caveats (things I can’t do like set up a DD or SO) but to sort out care & food is going great.
I would image all banks do this??
Idk, in our case, had to go and see them in person, with mum, was referred to some specialist person, lots of emails back and forth.
A further visit to the bank with mum… All in all around a month to sort.
So how it works is I have a bank card now that is connected to my mums account.
As mum doesn’t have a computer or smartphone can’t do ‘online’ banking.
Now I can see in the App if shopping actually has happened, which is really reassuring and if not I can sort her shopping on line.
We did try and set up shopping via the supermarket sites but was really complicated and can’t get food ‘on the day’.
The solution we are using is our Amazon Prime account, they do an ‘on the day’ thing whereby they leave the shopping outside but u do get a two hour delivery slot.
So that’s working really well. It’s via Morrison’s who (bizarrely) say won’t deliver to my mums address if u use their site????!!!!! I guess the Amazon vans just go and pick it up along with their normal deliveries??
The advantages of this route:
1. Hypothetically if an LPA was in place ‘triggering’ it seems a big step.
My mum was very clear on this when setting up the LPA, understands what it is and what it’s for. This seems a good fit for where we at giving both me and mum some reassurance.
2. It’s free. No fees.
3. As it’s already set up should the LPA ‘need’ triggering, there is in place a tool to access funds for whatever, with no delays.
4. It doesn’t seem ‘Big Brotherish’, if shopping has occurred, all good. If not have said
‘Er mum just a bit concerned you may not have anything in’
“Let me look…. Oh no bread or milk etc etc”
‘No worries mum will sort out’
5. Mum keeps losing her own card.
So not a problem as while waiting for a new one can still shop etc
6. Worries about ‘vulnerability’ have significantly decreased, mum is wonderful, loves to chat. Nearly been ‘scammed’ several times by these ‘cold callers’, has managed to refrain from it happening. But if it did, I would see some strange account activity and can block, contact the bank etc etc.
The potential problems with this solution:
1. Mum had to be comfortable sharing her diagnosis with the bank.
Luckily she’s been a customer all her life and they know mum really well so in mums case, she was happy to explain and have them copy her letter from the memory clinic. I think this maybe problematic for some.
2. Some banks may not offer this.
3. It ‘only’ took a month as I’m a NatWest account holder also: and could verify who I was etc I did ask if it would have been possible if I wasn’t a customer, I got a complicated answer that boiled down to it would be possible but difficult.
4. It needed ‘face to face’ appointments. With the cull of branches that might be really difficult for some. We had, the to go 20miles to a main branch as where mum lives all the banks have closed down.
5. Potential for abuse: we have a complex family and some members are not happy (the ones that constantly have something to say, but do nothing, don’t help, don’t visit mum).
My mum nailed this as maintains her sense of humour (sometimes) and quipped, when I said was finally organised ‘so you’re going to buy a Porsche now?’.
That was a good day and we laughed long and loud.
The fact is (potentially) there’s no checks and balances in this.
So unlike attorneyship in an LPA, nothing has been signed to say will act in accordance with certain standards (the section 8 bit you read before signing as an attorney).
However, it’s absolutely transparent, since all transactions using the card I now have appear in the app and I print them off.
Same with mums Amazon food orders.
Also quite clear on mums bank statement.
So the naysayer's have got over themselves.
I hope this is helpful.
It’s all been a real wrenching emotional journey since the diagnosis and as stated at the beginning didn’t seem anything we could do in our particular circumstance which caused many nights of lost sleep and urgent trips to visit at irregular times.
This has solved many problems and I’m amazingly greatful to all the kind people that have made this happen.
Amazon Prime is fantastic for Urgent food deliveries.
Hope this is of interest to some (or many), I was basically told ‘you need an LPA’…
Nothing else you can do…….
That’s fine in principle, but in practice, not yet in effect, is one issue.
My understanding is that was taking about 10 weeks Pre Covid and now 6 months plus??? And if there’s any ‘errors’ on the forms back they come…
The only other bit of advice was ‘Act in best interests’ but no advice about practically what that means???
Second issue is my mum wants to retain financial independence.
Again that’s fine in principle, but we in that ‘gray area’ were some things mum can do fine… and some things not so well. A particularly thorny issue is shopping. Mum wants to do it… says she’s going to do it and sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t and has no food…
Has been diagnosed with the ‘mixed’ form and I think the shopping issue mirrors the ‘some days better than others’ thing.
I’m not sure where the ‘tip’ came from but I was told that if approached the bank with a copy of the letter with the diagnosis they ‘might’ help…
So….
In simple terms the Natwest bank, after much hoop jumping, have added myself as a ‘3rd party mandated’ person on my mum’s account.
I believe there are some caveats (things I can’t do like set up a DD or SO) but to sort out care & food is going great.
I would image all banks do this??
Idk, in our case, had to go and see them in person, with mum, was referred to some specialist person, lots of emails back and forth.
A further visit to the bank with mum… All in all around a month to sort.
So how it works is I have a bank card now that is connected to my mums account.
As mum doesn’t have a computer or smartphone can’t do ‘online’ banking.
Now I can see in the App if shopping actually has happened, which is really reassuring and if not I can sort her shopping on line.
We did try and set up shopping via the supermarket sites but was really complicated and can’t get food ‘on the day’.
The solution we are using is our Amazon Prime account, they do an ‘on the day’ thing whereby they leave the shopping outside but u do get a two hour delivery slot.
So that’s working really well. It’s via Morrison’s who (bizarrely) say won’t deliver to my mums address if u use their site????!!!!! I guess the Amazon vans just go and pick it up along with their normal deliveries??
The advantages of this route:
1. Hypothetically if an LPA was in place ‘triggering’ it seems a big step.
My mum was very clear on this when setting up the LPA, understands what it is and what it’s for. This seems a good fit for where we at giving both me and mum some reassurance.
2. It’s free. No fees.
3. As it’s already set up should the LPA ‘need’ triggering, there is in place a tool to access funds for whatever, with no delays.
4. It doesn’t seem ‘Big Brotherish’, if shopping has occurred, all good. If not have said
‘Er mum just a bit concerned you may not have anything in’
“Let me look…. Oh no bread or milk etc etc”
‘No worries mum will sort out’
5. Mum keeps losing her own card.
So not a problem as while waiting for a new one can still shop etc
6. Worries about ‘vulnerability’ have significantly decreased, mum is wonderful, loves to chat. Nearly been ‘scammed’ several times by these ‘cold callers’, has managed to refrain from it happening. But if it did, I would see some strange account activity and can block, contact the bank etc etc.
The potential problems with this solution:
1. Mum had to be comfortable sharing her diagnosis with the bank.
Luckily she’s been a customer all her life and they know mum really well so in mums case, she was happy to explain and have them copy her letter from the memory clinic. I think this maybe problematic for some.
2. Some banks may not offer this.
3. It ‘only’ took a month as I’m a NatWest account holder also: and could verify who I was etc I did ask if it would have been possible if I wasn’t a customer, I got a complicated answer that boiled down to it would be possible but difficult.
4. It needed ‘face to face’ appointments. With the cull of branches that might be really difficult for some. We had, the to go 20miles to a main branch as where mum lives all the banks have closed down.
5. Potential for abuse: we have a complex family and some members are not happy (the ones that constantly have something to say, but do nothing, don’t help, don’t visit mum).
My mum nailed this as maintains her sense of humour (sometimes) and quipped, when I said was finally organised ‘so you’re going to buy a Porsche now?’.
That was a good day and we laughed long and loud.
The fact is (potentially) there’s no checks and balances in this.
So unlike attorneyship in an LPA, nothing has been signed to say will act in accordance with certain standards (the section 8 bit you read before signing as an attorney).
However, it’s absolutely transparent, since all transactions using the card I now have appear in the app and I print them off.
Same with mums Amazon food orders.
Also quite clear on mums bank statement.
So the naysayer's have got over themselves.
I hope this is helpful.
It’s all been a real wrenching emotional journey since the diagnosis and as stated at the beginning didn’t seem anything we could do in our particular circumstance which caused many nights of lost sleep and urgent trips to visit at irregular times.
This has solved many problems and I’m amazingly greatful to all the kind people that have made this happen.
