My father was taken into hospital and Mum had to go into residential care as she was not able to stay alone. My father has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer and the family plan to move both of them closer to us. Dad is in complete agreement with this but MUm does not understand why she cannot return to their home. Any suggestions that may help us make this transition from one home to another not be too upsetting or disruptive. We already plan to move father first, fill Mum's rooms with familiar things but fear she will not accept any of these plans
Any ideas to help move my mum?
- Thread starter Mouse57
- Start date
Hello and welcome....My word this is a sad state of affairs. I guess that this move would make it easier for you to visit your folks and to take over Mum's affairs once Dad has gone? Once you settle on a new home, ask Mum's carers at her present CH to play along with you and start telling her that her room has to be decorated and you are finding her somewhere nice to stay while the work is done.......the work time can be extended
so don't set a start/finish thing just " until the work is done". Then yes, try to make her new room comfortable, but I'm sure she will take her own sweet time to settle.
Good Luck
so don't set a start/finish thing just " until the work is done". Then yes, try to make her new room comfortable, but I'm sure she will take her own sweet time to settle.Good Luck
When considering where both your parents should move to, can you perhaps find a place where they can be together? Some care homes do cater for couples, although, in the circumstances it might help if they had separate rooms.
Has your mum visited your dad in hospital? Maybe if she saw him in that setting she would understand that that is where he has gone and may not feel that she has been abandoned to this 'strange' place. If on the other hand she has significant memory problems then the kinder thing for her might be to not go into detail about the plans and what is going on. The 'blame the doctor' approach can often be the best one - Dad is in hospital and the Dr has arranged for you to stay here for a while, perhaps. Then when she asks to go home you can tell her that you will talk to the Dr and see what he says.
I don't envy your position right now and whilst your mum may not understand things, you are doing what is right for both your parents in the circumstances. Finding the right place for your dad is of course your priority and, although your mum might be vocal from time to time, you have the reassurance that she is safe and being well looked after and her needs are being met right now.
I hope you can get everything sorted without too much hassle.
Fiona
Has your mum visited your dad in hospital? Maybe if she saw him in that setting she would understand that that is where he has gone and may not feel that she has been abandoned to this 'strange' place. If on the other hand she has significant memory problems then the kinder thing for her might be to not go into detail about the plans and what is going on. The 'blame the doctor' approach can often be the best one - Dad is in hospital and the Dr has arranged for you to stay here for a while, perhaps. Then when she asks to go home you can tell her that you will talk to the Dr and see what he says.
I don't envy your position right now and whilst your mum may not understand things, you are doing what is right for both your parents in the circumstances. Finding the right place for your dad is of course your priority and, although your mum might be vocal from time to time, you have the reassurance that she is safe and being well looked after and her needs are being met right now.
I hope you can get everything sorted without too much hassle.
Fiona
Good morning Mouse and welcome from me too.
Nothing more to add as Cragmad and Fiona have given really good advice.
It is always a worry but I am sure once you have found a good home that can hopefully accommodate both your Mother and Father things will settle.
Please come here and use all the experience of so many people who will have been through what you are going through at the moment.
Jay
Nothing more to add as Cragmad and Fiona have given really good advice.
It is always a worry but I am sure once you have found a good home that can hopefully accommodate both your Mother and Father things will settle.
Please come here and use all the experience of so many people who will have been through what you are going through at the moment.
Jay
