My OH is being assessed tomorrow for a first respite break at the end of the month. I feel worn out by his insomnia and restlessness. Like you I think its lack of stimulation, now he no longer gets much pleasure from TV, and reading ended months ago...

 

Doing the best interest for you loved one is one of the hardest things for everyone, but heartbreaking when it’s your life partner/ husband/ wife. ( apologies I’m trying to be politically correct, & probably failing & insulting more people than if I didn’t try!)
I admire & am in awe of those dealing with this daily for their loved one.
Ladies, gentlemen, carers on the this forum who are 24/7 carers you are everyday superhumans, & I am truly humbled & privileged to read your life experiences on this forum.
Thank you for being so honest & open about your lives & life experiences. You really are awesome!

 

Gently suggested yesterday to my OH about possibly him going to a center for an hour once a week to perhaps get chance to talk to other people and have something interesting to do instead of being at home all the time.... Didn't go down well.. And this morning still complaing that 'that woman' had suggested it to him.... Have to keep trying for my sanity.. And tho possibly of having helpers coming I. too.. up and dressed at 4 this morning... Gonna be a long day....... Love to all going through this xx

 

He has got FTD, right? This is really common with FTD. They get stimulus overload and like peace, routine, familiarity and often dim lighting. If he was in a care home he would probably want to do the same there.
If you can get him out doing other things, thats a bonus.

And Id lay money that she is thinking of things that will help Alzheimers.
I expect that he is losing language and this is why he doesnt talk much

 

It might have been me that suggested FTD - I cant remember.
I dont know why, but Ive got it in my head that he had been diagnosed with FTD. Certainly all his symptoms sound like FTD. As you say, though, you have to respond to their behaviour, irrespective of the actual diagnosis.

Im glad you are feeling better today. I think we all regularly question ourselves

 

There is always this focus on stimulation and activity ... In my new life as voluntary actovity coordinator I see this all the time. I see so many residents who will join in one activity with great gusto and then they have given their all and just want to go back to their rooms or sleep. Keith was happy with a small amount of activity but so often we kind of get pressured to be a bit manic and active all the time. It's not realistic or appropriate. With you all the way"
With love and best. Geraldine xxxxx

 

Hi, there I hope you are feeling better, even good things bring a stress of their own. Like the planning before the holiday, however welcome it brings its own pressures.
Sometimes I wonder whether labels are that helpful, so much depends on personality and environment inner and outer. I studied the person centred approach, many years ago, this is what we 24/7ers are doing.
We respond individually to the person and situation at the time. Reflecting and balancing, responding fully in the moment.
It is tiring to say the least, but easier than resisting because we have prejudged another's needs.
This is the trouble with advice isn't?
Someone said music would help my husband I thought well come and play some!
What do they think we do! Mine likes it sometimes, but bed and his room has become a haven too.
Kindred is so right some do like an activity, but then they fizzle out.
We must not comply then fizzle out ourselves. You take care, xxx

 

I took my OH to a Day Centre yesterday for a taster session. He was furious. I ended up in floods of tears. Staff told me to go and leave him. I did but felt so guilty. DD picked me up and when we both went to pick him up he was sitting eating rice pudding and happy as Larry! It's just like taking a child to nursery. I will take him again next week and a fellow carer has said ignore their grumbling, just do it. I'm desperate for a bit of peace.

 

X

 

It’s just like the toddlers but in adult form with a bank account!! Mood swings, attention span, accidents etc. Cruel disease but I did smile at the “eating rice pudding & happy as Larry “.

 

Hi gladis 1946..you've given me some hope..I'll keep trying.. Must remember that he can't make decisions.. As you say..like a child who needs help... As do I..... Xx

 

Im glad youve managed to get your hearing aids and hopefully it will make life easier for you

Dont be cross with yourself. Its the only way to survive - you cant bring him back into the real world. Much easier for all concerned if you just agree and then do your own thing anyway.
xx

 

I hope it was as lovely weather for your walk as it was here. The simplicity of putting one foot infront of the other, a rhythmic movement done at your own speed. Simple action, but not appreciated in full until you care for someone who struggles to do that.

 

Or you can’t do it yourself!