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And so it goes on...

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,704
Mum when she has even the mildest of UTI’s takes against the news readers & actually has delusions visual & auditory triggered by this that involve her loved ones. Horrible delusions that scare her & me!
I understand now why the care home carefully monitors the programs being watched. Good old move to the country, or whatever it’s called!!
 

Linton

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
154
Mum when she has even the mildest of UTI’s takes against the news readers & actually has delusions visual & auditory triggered by this that involve her loved ones. Horrible delusions that scare her & me!
I understand now why the care home carefully monitors the programs being watched. Good old move to the country, or whatever it’s called!!
 

Linton

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
154
Hi.. My OH thinks the news readers can see him and hear him so whispers to me not to speak when it's on... I now avoid it ans find music is a better choice for him.. Especially in the mornings.. His fav's.. Simon and Garfunkel.. Jonny Cash.. You do learn what works as you go along... Xx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,947
South coast
Mum was another one that couldnt cope with the news, or Jeremy Vile, or any of the soaps, or murder mysteries...........
In a way I was quite glad when she couldnt remember how to work her TV.
 

Lirene

Registered User
Sep 15, 2019
184
Walking on eggshells all the time!! Telling me off for smiling, then telling me I’m smirking and then - why don’t you smile.
Don’t ever expect to win, you can’t, we just wake every day plod on and cope - because we have to xx
 

Fishgirl

Registered User
Sep 9, 2019
137
Walking on eggshells all the time!! Telling me off for smiling, then telling me I’m smirking and then - why don’t you smile.
Don’t ever expect to win, you can’t, we just wake every day plod on and cope - because we have to xx[/QUOTE
Hi Lirene, I’m having that today,
Yesterday he was quite cheerful, even had a few laughs together!
What a change today, seems to be in a deep depression, everything I say is or do to cheer him up is wrong and he gets annoyed, and mutters to himself that I’m stupid, I’m ignoring that and trying to stay upbeat, we know it’s understandable and will pass, but it’s still hard to cope with!
Keep smiling and plodding on.:):eek: xx
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,837
I found recordings of the Proms were a hit, even modern pieces he detested before. He kept saying it is really fascinating.
I think just watching the repetitive movements had an appeal. He has slept much of today.
Story lines are now too complicated, sport is possible but he will fall asleep. I think it is following it that just gets too much.
 

Linton

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
154
My OH can't bear loud noise either shouting or loud music.. Have to keep it low volume but it does help him relax and stop asking me to lock and unlock doors to let 'people' out.. Proms a good one.. Thanks xx
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,699
80
East of England
I feel slightly sick to my stomach this morning because today I am taking him for his ‘holiday’ at the same place he went in May. He had a more lucid day yesterday and told the carer that he was going to this place and he was looking forward to it. I was amazed because otherwise he doesn’t remember. He also brought out a person’s name that he can never remember. The previous day he wouldn’t get dressed and stayed in bed most of the day refusing to eat and having to be encouraged, thank goodness for the supplements. I have been looking forward to this respite but carrying it through is ghastly hence the apprehensive feeling a bit sick. I surreptitiously packed his suitcase yesterday and just felt awful that I have to do this and cannot chat to him any more about all the normal things.

I had a hopeless conversation with his sister on the bad day and thought I had better give her a little better news about his good day. So I sent a message and she replied that she hoped that the better days would happen a lot more! Dah... she has no idea so I archived the message and resisted replying. Does she really think that he can ‘get better’ as if he’s had a cold? She hasn’t been to see him for ten months and it will probably be a year if she comes at all. He never mentions her now and he used to all the time and say he would like to see her. There, got that off my chest.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,699
80
East of England
It`s awful to feel sneaky isn`t it @Grahamstown.

We know the `holiday` is a necessity and temporary but our people with dementia are in the wilderness.
It really is and I have trouble realising that I have to do it. He won’t even realise that I have packed his things and I guess we do this to protect them from what they can’t understand. There! What a tortuous sentence which sums up the mind wrecking effects of looking after someone who has lost their mind. If I try to be normal it’s hopeless but then we live in false hope. I suppose that’s what his sister is doing, living in hope.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,704
It really is and I have trouble realising that I have to do it. He won’t even realise that I have packed his things and I guess we do this to protect them from what they can’t understand. There! What a tortuous sentence which sums up the mind wrecking effects of looking after someone who has lost their mind. If I try to be normal it’s hopeless but then we live in false hope. I suppose that’s what his sister is doing, living in hope.
No his sister is living in denial, but that doesn’t make your life any easier. Hope for easier days, calmer quieter days without the turmoil - that’s hope but the reality is it comes with decline, a double edged sword. Sending you lots of love & (((((((((Hugs))))))))))) to give you added support & strength you for today
 

Fishgirl

Registered User
Sep 9, 2019
137
Enjoy your respite Grahamstown,you need it! I feel horrible saying this and I truly don’t wish it on him, because I don’t think my OH would be considered bad enough for that yet, but when the time comes, I will enjoy mine!xx
 

Linton

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
154
Hi.. I echo all the posts.. I've not got near you're position yet.. and know I will have all the feelings you have now.. on one hand I long for the day I have a few days restpite.. but know my OH will hate it... Hope you're able to enjoy it.. You sure deserve it.. Xxx
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,532
Enjoy your break @Grahamstown. Hope to see lots of lovely pictures again.
As for your husband's sister I think she was trying to be supportive, but I know how difficult it can be to get the right words.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,699
80
East of England
I am so grateful for all your kind words, what would we do without them, so I thought that I would let you know how the day went. Very smoothly after all but I feel a wreck. I packed his things and put everything in the car without him knowing because it would have stressed him out, and carting the suitcase made me think I can’t do this again. Fortunately a neighbour helped me to get it into the car. When he asked what we were doing today I said he was going for a holiday where he had been before, but it didn’t stick in his memory for more than a minute or two and he would ask again. Even when we were driving there he asked over and over again where we were going, and I just had to reassure him that he would know it. He was greeted by the staff who had looked after him last time, had a drink with me in the café area, he was a bit bemused but was his usual polite self, smiling and nodding. He was so tired by this time that he went up to his room and straight into bed with a happy sigh. I said goodbye and that was that. I felt mentally exhausted but I had decided that I couldn’t go home and mope so I went to see Downton Abbey. This is the first time I have been out in the evening for so long that I felt quite strange. It was the perfect film to see, I enjoyed it and it was quite touching in places but not in the least stressful to watch. I feel much worse about leaving him this time than last. He is much worse and I am so torn between relief and missing him, even though the rest from the sundowning all evening is a relief. So it’s just like everyone says about leaving someone to someone else’s care, horrible but necessary. I am not going to visit him because he would just ask to go home so our son is going to go tomorrow. I have to pack and go away myself and that might help. If I get the chance I shall try and put the odd photo in my tearoom thread again. It feels different this time, more ominous.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,556
Kent
I have to pack and go away myself and that might help
I hope it does.

I think if you stay in the same area you are too near to get away emotionally or physically. If you go away you know there`s no way you can visit and in some respects this is good.

I hope you have a good holiday @Grahamstown and will be able to recharge your batteries.

I feel much worse about leaving him this time than last

I understand this feeling. It can`t be helped.