Agreed to see the doctor again.

[RM3]

@RM3 just to add, once you have the LPA sorted, you don't actually have to do anything with it, until you actually need to.

Ah ok @Fugs - thank you for that info. My husband doesn’t seem to see why and is getting agitated if I bring it up. I’m going to leave it at least a few days and try again. We’ve always done everything joint but he I think it’s the thought possibly of not being in control. I need to find the way to best explain it really. Thank you x

 

[RM3]

I have broken my hand & won’t be able to drive for 6 weeks I went as I’m in agony with my ribs which they haven’t done anything as they don’t I really wish I hadn’t gone I’ve been in floods of tears & my husband doesn’t seem to understand The thoughts of being stuck inside for 6 weeks is awful I’m feeling defeated I want my old life back sorry to rant I’m crying while writing this feeling so alone xx

Morning Bev. Aww, so sorry to read that. You did sound in pain. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it is a good thing you went. You have to take care of yourself physically, as well as mentally. You can’t help your husband if you don’t do that and you run your body and or mind, into the ground.
You sound like someone who finds a way. I think that once you get over the initial news of the break and driving restriction, you will find a way to get to the clubs you both enjoy and your carers meeting etc. Don’t be afraid to let people know your predicament and I’m sure you will find support (a lift here and there and a taxi when not possible). Above all - remember that it’s temporary and will get better. Sending you a big hug 🤗.
Wish me luck Bev - I had a tense meeting at work yesterday and have another today with both directors. I work in a finance department and I think I’m dropping the ball a bit this past few months. It’s a hard balancing act and I need to work and want to work but to be honest, don’t know how my head is still somewhat in the right place when I’m there. I’m trying to help my dad move down near us too - so many balls to juggle at the moment. Most of my 45 minute commutes are filled with tears, for my mum and worries for my husband and our future. Once there, I get lost in my work for a few hours and it usually does me good. Hope I scrape through today 🤞.
Take care ☺️ xx

 

[maggie6445]

@RM3 , and @Bevhar
Sorry to hear about your fall bevhar. Please tell the groups you go to ,there may be someone to offer you lifts. Try and get there you'll get support.

Thinking of you rm3. Please tell your employers your personal concerns. They have responsibility to you as well as you to them. Hope it goes well

 

[RM3]

@RM3 , and @Bevhar
Sorry to hear about your fall bevhar. Please tell the groups you go to ,there may be someone to offer you lifts. Try and get there you'll get support.

Thinking of you rm3. Please tell your employers your personal concerns. They have responsibility to you as well as you to them. Hope it goes well

Aww thank you @maggie6445. I know they just want the job doing but are also quite a supportive employer. I will open up a little to them about my circumstances (I only work 4 days, so have always worked overtime and that keeps on top of the workload but I’m barely doing extra now). I suppose if they know this, more resources for extra staffing may be allocated.
Thanks again it helps to feel supported. X

 

[BeeBeeDee]

That was an interesting exercise @RM3. I assume that it wouldn't have presented any difficulty in the past given what you have said about your husband. It does explain why he's struggling at work. I believe that in the early stages of dementia it's basic problem solving that goes but this isn't really captured by the standard tests and isn't so apparent if the person has a partner.

It wasnt so much the memory issues with my husband that I noticed first - it was things like = go out - buy bread, get cash from the machine, pick up my Mum. He couldnt do it, he would go out and do one then come home and go out and do another. Another thing was he couldnt follow cooking instructions on a packet of food.

 

[Violet Jane]

Yes, @BeeBeeDee, I should have added basic planning and organisational skills to my post. It seems that following a sequence of steps becomes a problem but isn't tested by the standard cognitive tests which focus more on recall and memory.

 

[Bevhar]

@RM3 , and @Bevhar
Sorry to hear about your fall bevhar. Please tell the groups you go to ,there may be someone to offer you lifts. Try and get there you'll get support.

Thinking of you rm3. Please tell your employers your personal concerns. They have responsibility to you as well as you to them. Hope it goes well

Thanks

 

[Bevhar]

Thanks

Thanks Maggie I’m trying to organise the Link service get my husband to his Tuesday group

 

[Bevhar]

Morning Bev. Aww, so sorry to read that. You did sound in pain. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it is a good thing you went. You have to take care of yourself physically, as well as mentally. You can’t help your husband if you don’t do that and you run your body and or mind, into the ground.
You sound like someone who finds a way. I think that once you get over the initial news of the break and driving restriction, you will find a way to get to the clubs you both enjoy and your carers meeting etc. Don’t be afraid to let people know your predicament and I’m sure you will find support (a lift here and there and a taxi when not possible). Above all - remember that it’s temporary and will get better. Sending you a big hug 🤗.
Wish me luck Bev - I had a tense meeting at work yesterday and have another today with both directors. I work in a finance department and I think I’m dropping the ball a bit this past few months. It’s a hard balancing act and I need to work and want to work but to be honest, don’t know how my head is still somewhat in the right place when I’m there. I’m trying to help my dad move down near us too - so many balls to juggle at the moment. Most of my 45 minute commutes are filled with tears, for my mum and worries for my husband and our future. Once there, I get lost in my work for a few hours and it usually does me good. Hope I scrape through today 🤞.
Take care ☺️ xx

 

[Bevhar]

Thanks so much It is hard when we have so much going on I’m sure if you explain things at work they will be sympathetic I’m sure I’m finding things hard I’ve been on the phone for 2 hours trying to organise things I’ve got to go back to hospital on Monday luckily my friend is taking me I find it hard as usually my husband would be supporting me But obviously he can’t anymore as I’ve got to support him Let me know how you get on with your work Sending a big virtual hug x

 

[Chizz]

Yes, @BeeBeeDee, I should have added basic planning and organisational skills to my post. It seems that following a sequence of steps becomes a problem but isn't tested by the standard cognitive tests which focus more on recall and memory.

Hi @Violet Jane
Sequential thinking used to be tested. Doesn't always help, and depends on the tester.
Some years ago, my OH's uncle was at early stages dementia. After a fall he was taken into hospital. Whilst there he was tested by the geropsychiatrist (psychiatrist for geriatrics).
Test was that she asked uncle to make a cup of tea. He put the kettle on. Then he got the teapot and put hot water in it. Then he got the cup, and then looked for the tea caddie and strainer, which he couldn't find as they used tea bags, whereas he always had had loose leaf tea. She, the geropsychiatrist, said he had lost it, putting water in the teapot without any tea! I was there during this. I explained that uncle got it all right and that he was used to putting hot water in the teapot without any tea, just to warm up the teapot first. She said she'd never heard of this. Obviously, a generational thing, lost over time, as most never use teapots these days, and just put a teabag in the mug and add hot water, which is what the geropsychiatrist had in her mind as a way of making tea.
She said uncle wasn't with it!
Back in the ward, uncle said she wasn't with it!

 

[Chizz]

Ah ok @Fugs - thank you for that info. My husband doesn’t seem to see why and is getting agitated if I bring it up. I’m going to leave it at least a few days and try again. We’ve always done everything joint but he I think it’s the thought possibly of not being in control. I need to find the way to best explain it really. Thank you x

Hi @RM3
If you haven't already, you might explain to OH that a LPoA is a document just in case things happen in the future, eg nasty accident, and someone else needs to pay the bills.
Explain that you should both do a LPoA just in case. The fact that you're going to do one might help persuade OH to do one as well.
Best wishes

 

[Banjomansmate]

I did my own Power of Attorney first and then was able to convince The Banjoman to make his. Unfortunately that backfired on me as I expected him to make his eldest daughter attorney but he would only do it if I was his attorney!
I used the excuse that if he had an accident or a stroke or something and ended up in hospital then someone needed to be able to deal with his finances. I didn’t mention dementia although that was the real reason as I could see the problems building up.

When talking to his daughter about it she wanted to know why her Dad wasn’t my attorney?!! Er….. because I’m sure he has some form of dementia!!!

 

[Sirena]

@RM3 I wouldn't worry too much at the moment about the LPA. It is more important if you are caring for someone like a parent/other relative, rather than a spouse. You presumably have a joint bank account so can access that, and all your husband's mail comes to your address so you know everything is running smoothly.

I needed an LPA before I could do anything for my mother because I had no access to any of her financial records and lived at a different address - so without LPA I could not monitor all the bills she was failing to pay! You don't have that issue so there is less urgency.

I only registered the LPA with institutions on a 'need to know' basis - so first of all, her bank. Then other financial institutions where she held money, so that I could access and move it. The other places which required it were the DWP (when applying for Attendance Allowance) and her care agency and care home (to show I had access to the money and could pay them!)

@Bevhar I'm so sorry to hear about your fall!

 

[Bevhar]

Morning Bev. Aww, so sorry to read that. You did sound in pain. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it is a good thing you went. You have to take care of yourself physically, as well as mentally. You can’t help your husband if you don’t do that and you run your body and or mind, into the ground.
You sound like someone who finds a way. I think that once you get over the initial news of the break and driving restriction, you will find a way to get to the clubs you both enjoy and your carers meeting etc. Don’t be afraid to let people know your predicament and I’m sure you will find support (a lift here and there and a taxi when not possible). Above all - remember that it’s temporary and will get better. Sending you a big hug 🤗.
Wish me luck Bev - I had a tense meeting at work yesterday and have another today with both directors. I work in a finance department and I think I’m dropping the ball a bit this past few months. It’s a hard balancing act and I need to work and want to work but to be honest, don’t know how my head is still somewhat in the right place when I’m there. I’m trying to help my dad move down near us too - so many balls to juggle at the moment. Most of my 45 minute commutes are filled with tears, for my mum and worries for my husband and our future. Once there, I get lost in my work for a few hours and it usually does me good. Hope I scrape through today 🤞.
Take care ☺️ xx

How did your meeting go today at work hope everything is ok Take care xx

 

[RM3]

It wasnt so much the memory issues with my husband that I noticed first - it was things like = go out - buy bread, get cash from the machine, pick up my Mum. He couldnt do it, he would go out and do one then come home and go out and do another. Another thing was he couldnt follow cooking instructions on a packet of food.

Thank you @BeeBeeDee and @Violet Jane - I relate well to these type of struggles. Thank you x

 

[RM3]

Thanks so much It is hard when we have so much going on I’m sure if you explain things at work they will be sympathetic I’m sure I’m finding things hard I’ve been on the phone for 2 hours trying to organise things I’ve got to go back to hospital on Monday luckily my friend is taking me I find it hard as usually my husband would be supporting me But obviously he can’t anymore as I’ve got to support him Let me know how you get on with your work Sending a big virtual hug x

Thank you Bev. It is really hard not having that support isn’t it. We still don’t know where we are yet but I do already feel this change so much.
I scraped through the meeting ha. My manager was in the firing line as well in the same meeting, so we both took it on the chin and had a strong coffee after ha.
I did give a little bit back here and there but - I still have a job ☺️.
I’m glad your friend is stepping in with a lift - you really do find out who your true friends are in times of need.
I hope you are comfortable and have some good pain relief to get you through?
Take care, sending a hug and thank you. X

 

[RM3]

Hi @Violet Jane
Sequential thinking used to be tested. Doesn't always help, and depends on the tester.
Some years ago, my OH's uncle was at early stages dementia. After a fall he was taken into hospital. Whilst there he was tested by the geropsychiatrist (psychiatrist for geriatrics).
Test was that she asked uncle to make a cup of tea. He put the kettle on. Then he got the teapot and put hot water in it. Then he got the cup, and then looked for the tea caddie and strainer, which he couldn't find as they used tea bags, whereas he always had had loose leaf tea. She, the geropsychiatrist, said he had lost it, putting water in the teapot without any tea! I was there during this. I explained that uncle got it all right and that he was used to putting hot water in the teapot without any tea, just to warm up the teapot first. She said she'd never heard of this. Obviously, a generational thing, lost over time, as most never use teapots these days, and just put a teabag in the mug and add hot water, which is what the geropsychiatrist had in her mind as a way of making tea.
She said uncle wasn't with it!
Back in the ward, uncle said she wasn't with it!

That last line made me smile @Chizz ☺️

 

[RM3]

Hi @Banjomansmate @Chizz and @Sirena. That you for the advice. I tried a different approach and my husband has said he would like me to get it all sorted. Thank you 🙏🏻 x

 

[Bevhar]

Thank you Bev. It is really hard not having that support isn’t it. We still don’t know where we are yet but I do already feel this change so much.
I scraped through the meeting ha. My manager was in the firing line as well in the same meeting, so we both took it on the chin and had a strong coffee after ha.
I did give a little bit back here and there but - I still have a job ☺️.
I’m glad your friend is stepping in with a lift - you really do find out who your true friends are in times of need.
I hope you are comfortable and have some good pain relief to get you through?
Take care, sending a hug and thank you. X

So glad it went ok been thinking of you Yes it’s hard when your OH has been your rock Id been doing quite well but breaking my hand has really been hard not because of the pain but not being able to drive is so tough I will bounce back as my husband needs me & I still need him Life is just so different but he still hugs me & tells me how much he loves me I know my friend who lost her husband to cancer would do anything to be in my position He’s still here with me Maybe forgetful & muddled but he’s here with me and I need to be grateful for that sending a virtual hug so pleased it worked out ok today take care x