Agreed to see the doctor again.

[RM3]

That was an interesting exercise @RM3. I assume that it wouldn't have presented any difficulty in the past given what you have said about your husband. It does explain why he's struggling at work. I believe that in the early stages of dementia it's basic problem solving that goes but this isn't really captured by the standard tests and isn't so apparent if the person has a partner.

Hi @Violet Jane, I hope you are well.
More than anything so far, it really did show me the complete blank that he has with tasks (mainly at work), that he has tried to describe. I did not want to put him on the spot but it was a gentle(ish) way to try and understand.
I don’t like the wait but I don’t like the limbo and yet I also don’t want to hear what I’m more and more worried we will be told.
Thank you for responding x

 

[Chizz]

I asked my husband tonight if we could just do some scenarios to get our minds working.
I posed the question ‘you have to be somewhere at 8.15 and it will take you 25 mins to get there, what time do you need to leave’ he just laughed at first and said that doesn’t mean anything to me. I reassured him and said, let’s just try and have a think about it and see if we can work it out. He struggled to grasp the question, so could not work out the answer. I tried changing it to 20 minutes travel time and then 30 minutes (thinking that would be easier but still couldn’t work it out. He asked if I could make it 9.15 because that would be easier. He then said he would draw it to try work it out but couldn’t.
I can’t get my head around what is happening. It’s very subtle but also very significant.
I know this may have seemed the wrong thing to do but I was aware and careful not to cause distress or to make my husband feel bad - I’m just trying to understand where we are. X

Hi @RM3
A PWD cannot usually follow logic or reason, other than in v early stages. Similarly, they lose the ability to do the kind of calculations you were asking your OH to do - they cannot always process the information or at least not all of it. Often, in trying to work out what time to leave, they've then forgotten the time of the required arrival, and/or can't do the deduction of one time from another. It becomes or may become too testing. You have to change your expectations. My OH fairly early on lost the ability to tell or remember time, so she stopped wearing her watch as she did know that it didn't mean anything to her. V sad as she loved that watch!
I find there is now no point in me telling my OH too far in advance if we have go somewhere as she won't be able to retain it. So in advance - just enough time - I tell her, so we starting ready - shoes, coat/jacket, etc.
Unfortunately, in trying to understand where you are, might then change again!
Best wishes

 

[RM3]

Hi @RM3
A PWD cannot usually follow logic or reason, other than in v early stages. Similarly, they lose the ability to do the kind of calculations you were asking your OH to do - they cannot always process the information or at least not all of it. Often, in trying to work out what time to leave, they've then forgotten the time of the required arrival, and/or can't do the deduction of one time from another. It becomes or may become too testing. You have to change your expectations. My OH fairly early on lost the ability to tell or remember time, so she stopped wearing her watch as she did know that it didn't mean anything to her. V sad as she loved that watch!
I find there is now no point in me telling my OH too far in advance if we have go somewhere as she won't be able to retain it. So in advance - just enough time - I tell her, so we starting ready - shoes, coat/jacket, etc.
Unfortunately, in trying to understand where you are, might then change again!
Best wishes

Hello @Chizz - thank you for replying and I hope you are well. What you say, makes sense. He was finding it difficult to remember the time he had to be there and then how long a journey. I don’t think that he could remember the 2 pieces of information together, let alone the calculation 😞.
I think that is perhaps why he wanted to draw a clock with the time he had to be there (which he did put at the right time to arrive (9.15).
I suppose I am trying to understand what he struggles with but perhaps also, a little hopeful that he will not struggle and that would be reassuring.
He had his CT scan yesterday and the memory clinic will hopefully be in the next 3 weeks, so at least this part at least should not be too much longer.
Many thanks again x

 

[Bevhar]

I asked my husband tonight if we could just do some scenarios to get our minds working.
I posed the question ‘you have to be somewhere at 8.15 and it will take you 25 mins to get there, what time do you need to leave’ he just laughed at first and said that doesn’t mean anything to me. I reassured him and said, let’s just try and have a think about it and see if we can work it out. He struggled to grasp the question, so could not work out the answer. I tried changing it to 20 minutes travel time and then 30 minutes (thinking that would be easier but still couldn’t work it out. He asked if I could make it 9.15 because that would be easier. He then said he would draw it to try work it out but couldn’t.
I can’t get my head around what is happening. It’s very subtle but also very significant.
I know this may have seemed the wrong thing to do but I was aware and careful not to cause distress or to make my husband feel bad - I’m just trying to understand where we are. X

I used to do things like that I know you shouldn’t but just wanted to see It is so hard When is your husbands scan You won’t understand where you are until you get the results I found this the worse time waiting with my head full of what ifs I had a bad day yesterday as I had a nasty fall & have really hurt my hand & ribs & struggling with things needed help from my husband he was good but kept getting muddled It’s tough for him but he remains upbeat which I need to do sending a big hug xx

 

[RM3]

Oh Bev, sorry to hear that you had a fall. Lucky no broken bones? It’s amazing after a fall how a few days later you get aches in muscles that you didn’t know had been affected. Hope you get to take it a bit easier until you heal. That was sweet that your husband was trying to help -sending a hug.
It is difficult isn’t it, to try and understand where they struggle - when they can’t quite explain, they just do.
The scan was yesterday morning. Literally took less than 10 mins. If the doctors timeframes are right, the memory clinic should be within the next 3 weeks.
Take care, especially until you feel less delicate. Thanks x

 

[Bevhar]

Oh Bev, sorry to hear that you had a fall. Lucky no broken bones? It’s amazing after a fall how a few days later you get aches in muscles that you didn’t know had been affected. Hope you get to take it a bit easier until you heal. That was sweet that your husband was trying to help -sending a hug.
It is difficult isn’t it, to try and understand where they struggle - when they can’t quite explain, they just do.
The scan was yesterday morning. Literally took less than 10 mins. If the doctors timeframes are right, the memory clinic should be within the next 3 weeks.
Take care, especially until you feel less delicate. Thanks x

Glad the scan is done Think you will get the answers from the memory clinic How is work going for your husband hope he’s doing ok Take care xx

 

[RM3]

Glad the scan is done Think you will get the answers from the memory clinic How is work going for your husband hope he’s doing ok Take care xx

Hi. Thank you for that. He is doing ok at work thank you. The room he is in now, is less complex work and he is working with a really helpful young man. So fingers crossed, whichever way this goes, he can carry on for a while longer - as this is what he would like.
I hope that you are feeling ok today and not too sore.
Thank you and take care x

 

[Bevhar]

Hi. Thank you for that. He is doing ok at work thank you. The room he is in now, is less complex work and he is working with a really helpful young man. So fingers crossed, whichever way this goes, he can carry on for a while longer - as this is what he would like.
I hope that you are feeling ok today and not too sore.
Thank you and take care x

That’s good my husband was working for his brother & all the other guys were really good with him but he was struggling I wish he could still work but after he banged his head he got so much worse I think if he had been working for someone else he would have been let go earlier My ribs have got worse so my daughter is taking me to A&E Finding today a bit of an effort trying to keep myself calm I asked my husband that time question you asked he struggled Hope your doing ok & get the other tests done soon my husbands scan took about 1 and a half hours he had to have radioactive liquid administered forgotten what it was called His first scan was clear It all takes far too long I’ve been on the case to get my husband medication It’s so tiring keep having to advocate for someone but it’s important that I do all that’s in my power for him Keep posting your story is so similar to mine sending a hug x

 

[RM3]

That’s good my husband was working for his brother & all the other guys were really good with him but he was struggling I wish he could still work but after he banged his head he got so much worse I think if he had been working for someone else he would have been let go earlier My ribs have got worse so my daughter is taking me to A&E Finding today a bit of an effort trying to keep myself calm I asked my husband that time question you asked he struggled Hope your doing ok & get the other tests done soon my husbands scan took about 1 and a half hours he had to have radioactive liquid administered forgotten what it was called His first scan was clear It all takes far too long I’ve been on the case to get my husband medication It’s so tiring keep having to advocate for someone but it’s important that I do all that’s in my power for him Keep posting your story is so similar to mine sending a hug x

Oh dear Bev. I hope there are no breaks anywhere and it will just take a little time healing. It’s easier to say take it easy, than done unfortunately isn’t it.
It must be difficult to deal with the responsibilities for two - at anytime, let alone when you are not well.
I was amazed how quick the scan was. It was about 6 minutes in the actual scanner.
Take care and I hope all goes well at A & E and not too long a wait either. Xx

 

[Bevhar]

Oh dear Bev. I hope there are no breaks anywhere and it will just take a little time healing. It’s easier to say take it easy, than done unfortunately isn’t it.
It must be difficult to deal with the responsibilities for two - at anytime, let alone when you are not well.
I was amazed how quick the scan was. It was about 6 minutes in the actual scanner.
Take care and I hope all goes well at A & E and not too long a wait either. Xx

Ahh thank you so much Sat waiting now to b

Oh dear Bev. I hope there are no breaks anywhere and it will just take a little time healing. It’s easier to say take it easy, than done unfortunately isn’t it.
It must be difficult to deal with the responsibilities for two - at anytime, let alone when you are not well.
I was amazed how quick the scan was. It was about 6 minutes in the actual scanner.
Take care and I hope all goes well at A & E and not too long a wait either. Xx

We are At A&E now think we have quite a wait so busy but the staff are wonderful I didn’t see the doctor as I knew I’d need X-rays I was hoping it would get better without having to see anyone but it got worse today My daughters friends mother who has Alzheimer’s said it’s best to ignore the weird things that they do as long as it’s no danger to them or anyone else sometimes it’s hard but just got to leave it We haven’t been to
Any groups this week & I think my OH has missed it but his brother taking him
out tomorrow Enjoy the rest of the week & keep in touch I feel you really understand xx

 

[RM3]

Ahh thank you so much Sat waiting now to b

We are At A&E now think we have quite a wait so busy but the staff are wonderful I didn’t see the doctor as I knew I’d need X-rays I was hoping it would get better without having to see anyone but it got worse today My daughters friends mother who has Alzheimer’s said it’s best to ignore the weird things that they do as long as it’s no danger to them or anyone else sometimes it’s hard but just got to leave it We haven’t been to
Any groups this week & I think my OH has missed it but his brother taking him
out tomorrow Enjoy the rest of the week & keep in touch I feel you really understand xx

Well as this message was an hour and a half ago, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, that you have already been seen? Glad you’re getting checked. When you have so much going on - it’s too easy to just think you don’t have time to take care of yourself. It’s good that your daughter cares to recommend A & E to be checked.
It sounds as though your brother in law is supportive too - which is nice. Enjoy your week too and
please do let me know how you go on (just when you get time). Xx

 

[RM3]

.

 

[Banjomansmate]

Hi @Banjomansmate. Thank you for that. I did think that it seemed quite complex.
Just so I have it right please, I apply online and then once received back, I then inform the bank etc?
Many thanks again x

I had The Banjoman’s LPA done by a solicitor as I wasn’t a family member, so I assume that, if the application form has been completed on line, the OPG will send you the Authorised original copy of the LPA and you can still take this or a Certified Copy to the banks and send Certified Copies to any other Govt. Dept. or business that needs to see it. You have the original and don’t let it out of your possession. You can get Certified Copies made through CAB I believe. Again, the solicitor supplied us with the original and a couple of them for my use.
Of course there is a new system in place where I understand you get a reference number that Banks etc. are supposed to use to access the Registered LPA on line so that you don’t have to show them the original paper copy, but how efficient that is is debatable from what I read on here!

 

[RM3]

I had The Banjoman’s LPA done by a solicitor as I wasn’t a family member, so I assume that, if the application form has been completed on line, the OPG will send you the Authorised original copy of the LPA and you can still take this or a Certified Copy to the banks and send Certified Copies to any other Govt. Dept. or business that needs to see it. You have the original and don’t let it out of your possession. You can get Certified Copies made through CAB I believe. Again, the solicitor supplied us with the original and a couple of them for my use.
Of course there is a new system in place where I understand you get a reference number that Banks etc. are supposed to use to access the Registered LPA on line so that you don’t have to show them the original paper copy, but how efficient that is is debatable from what I read on here!

Thank you @Banjomansmate.
My husband is not showing keen for doing this. I think I will have to revisit again maybe in a couple of weeks.
Thank you for the information- that’s very helpful x

 

[Fugs]

@RM3 just to add, once you have the LPA sorted, you don't actually have to do anything with it, until you actually need to.

 

[Bevhar]

Well as this message was an hour and a half ago, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, that you have already been seen? Glad you’re getting checked. When you have so much going on - it’s too easy to just think you don’t have time to take care of yourself. It’s good that your daughter cares to recommend A & E to be checked.
It sounds as though your brother in law is supportive too - which is nice. Enjoy your week too and
please do let me know how you go on (just when you get time). Xx

I have broken my hand & won’t be able to drive for 6 weeks I went as I’m in agony with my ribs which they haven’t done anything as they don’t I really wish I hadn’t gone I’ve been in floods of tears & my husband doesn’t seem to understand The thoughts of being stuck inside for 6 weeks is awful I’m feeling defeated I want my old life back sorry to rant I’m crying while writing this feeling so alone xx

 

[Banjomansmate]

Oh crikey, that’s a blow @Bevhar ! Have you cracked any ribs as well as broken your hand?
Better to have the hand heal properly than struggle on and end up in a worse state if it didn’t mend correctly. Maybe you can get out for a walk or get a taxi somewhere, you’re not banned from going out, just unable to drive yourself. Maybe people at the support group can help fit you up with lifts to the clubs you attend with your husband?

 

[Bevhar]

Oh crikey, that’s a blow @Bevhar ! Have you cracked any ribs as well as broken your hand?
Better to have the hand heal properly than struggle on and end up in a worse state if it didn’t mend correctly. Maybe you can get out for a walk or get a taxi somewhere, you’re not banned from going out, just unable to drive yourself. Maybe people at the support group can help fit you up with lifts to the clubs you attend with your husband?

I am going to see if I can get a link driver for my husbands Tuesday group Unfortunately I can’t walk far as need a knee & hip replacement Had left knee replaced last year I feel like I’m falling to bits at the moment But know I do need to get my hand sorted &
hopefully be able to drive again thanks for your support This forum is a godsend x

 

[Kevinl]

You're never alone on here I say a now ex carer still having to be careful as I broke some ribs and my upper left arm not long back.
Arm is all better but sleeping on my left side as I do and where I broke my ribs still hurts even now, months later hurts most when I laugh.
Not much help but you're never alone. K

 

[Bevhar]

You're never alone on here I say a now ex carer still having to be careful as I broke some ribs and my upper left arm not long back.
Arm is all better but sleeping on my left side as I do and where I broke my ribs still hurts even now, months later hurts most when I laugh.
Not much help but you're never alone. K

Ahh thanks I feel
So frustrated as it’s my ribs causing all the pain but it’s my hand that’s being fixed If I hadn’t gone I would still be able to drive so frustrating