Agreed to see the doctor again.

[RM3]

I understand completely it is upsetting But if he has got Alzheimers there is medication available My husband says & does odd things but I still love him dearly I went to
A carers meeting today & there were people from our Monday group there it was lovely they were all saying what a happy person my husband is & one lady said how she loves seeing me & my husband together this meant a lot to me I’ve also had a book called contented dementia recommended for me I remember only too well my husband saying unusual things & trying to ignore it But all
I can say it was almost a relief once we got his diagnosis as I knew what we had to deal with Until you’ve had all the tests done try not to worry as it won’t change things it is hard I know only too well But from what I’ve read
people who have a deep love that won’t change things will be different but you can adjust with help If it is Alzheimers then i
Would really advise joining groups they have really kept me going After the weekend when I wasn’t feeling well i decided I needed to start get out with my friends & it’s helping a lot Off to see a friend tomorrow while OH is out with his brother Try & enjoy your holiday Not too long to find out one way or another sending love & hugs x

Thank you. It’s a really hard wait isn’t it - questioning everything. It has been a lovely holiday so far - much needed time together, a break from the routine. Planning to make the most of the last couple of days and just enjoy each others company.
Your groups really do sound very friendly and supportive. I will look the book up that you have had recommended.
Enjoy your time out with you friend tomorrow (refilling your cup as was said previously). I hope your husband has a nice time too with his brother.
Thank you as always and sending love and hugs back x

 

[Bevhar]

Thank you. It’s a really hard wait isn’t it - questioning everything. It has been a lovely holiday so far - much needed time together, a break from the routine. Planning to make the most of the last couple of days and just enjoy each others company.
Your groups really do sound very friendly and supportive. I will look the book up that you have had recommended.
Enjoy your time out with you friend tomorrow (refilling your cup as was said previously). I hope your husband has a nice time too with his brother.
Thank you as always and sending love and hugs back x

Always here i know it can feel lonely but just send a message on the forum I can’t do much but always here to listen x

 

[BeeBeeDee]

When I was worrying about my husband the examples of my worries were nearly all silly little things and I wondered for a long time if it was just him having daft days or something going on.
I thought I was going crazy watching him do all these weird things and when we did eventually get a diagnosis just under 2 years later it was a sort of relief in a strange way

 

[RM3]

Always here i know it can feel lonely but just send a message on the forum I can’t do much but always here to listen x

That’s honestly all that I need thank you - and of course same from me too.
Just putting in words what is inside and having someone hear it and understand just helps to let it go and move on I find, thank you x

 

[RM3]

When I was worrying about my husband the examples of my worries were nearly all silly little things and I wondered for a long time if it was just him having daft days or something going on.
I thought I was going crazy watching him do all these weird things and when we did eventually get a diagnosis just under 2 years later it was a sort of relief in a strange way

Thank you @BeeBeeDee. It’s so helpful that everyone understands. At this stage in the process it’s little things but in numbers. I wouldn’t really mention most of these things to anyone I know, until we know what if anything is happening. Helps to share them on here though. As you have said and @Bevhar, I think that it will be a relief in many ways to understand why things have changed and a bit bizarrely perhaps, my husband is hoping for a reason.
Thank you for taking the time to message x

 

[Sirena]

I'm glad you are having a good holiday despite those 'moments'. It must be so hard when you are half-looking for clues all the time. I missed a lot of early little things with my mother because I lived a distance away from her so I mainly spoke to her on the phone - and she seemed fine during a phone conversation. I always think it must be a lot more upsetting when it happens with a spouse rather than a parent.

It was my mother's neighbours/friends who rang me and said she was doing odd things, like constantly cracking plates because she put the toast under the grill on a plate. She was also always forgetting/mislaying her keys, but the main reason I was alerted was because she got in total chaos with her finances - could not remember passwords or how to transfer money for her rent etc. As I said previously, my mother did actually 'know' and her version was "I keep getting in a muddle".

At least once you have had the scan and memory clinic appointment you will know one way or another, and won't have to keep wondering.

 

[RM3]

I'm glad you are having a good holiday despite those 'moments'. It must be so hard when you are half-looking for clues all the time. I missed a lot of early little things with my mother because I lived a distance away from her so I mainly spoke to her on the phone - and she seemed fine during a phone conversation. I always think it must be a lot more upsetting when it happens with a spouse rather than a parent.

It was my mother's neighbours/friends who rang me and said she was doing odd things, like constantly cracking plates because she put the toast under the grill on a plate. She was also always forgetting/mislaying her keys, but the main reason I was alerted was because she got in total chaos with her finances - could not remember passwords or how to transfer money for her rent etc. As I said previously, my mother did actually 'know' and her version was "I keep getting in a muddle".

At least once you have had the scan and memory clinic appointment you will know one way or another, and won't have to keep wondering.

Hi @Sirena. That is the difficulty in the earlier stages isn’t it. Unless you live with the person or are with them for long periods of time, the signs can be so subtle and just occasional.
Apart from a very odd thing here and there apart from myself and my husbands colleagues, no one else (my daughters included) would notice at this stage.
I think also in the earlier stages, it’s a fine line isn’t it between things that you laugh off and put down to being absent mindedness and things of concern.
I suppose there just comes a point where it crosses that line and the concern starts.
Having a lovely time away thank you and thanks for messaging. Wishing you well x

 

[BeeBeeDee]

I think you spend your days half looking for things and half hoping they behave normally. It is a very difficult time, perhaps preparing you for more difficulties to come. For me it was a friend who is a nurse on geriatrics that I spoke to alot about what he was doing and some of the things that I thought were silly little things were, to her, the main signs.

 

[Bevhar]

I think you spend your days half looking for things and half hoping they behave normally. It is a very difficult time, perhaps preparing you for more difficulties to come. For me it was a friend who is a nurse on geriatrics that I spoke to alot about what he was doing and some of the things that I thought were silly little things were, to her, the main signs.

Yes I agree it is a fine line I prayed all the time it was something else but really knew in my heart things weren’t right In the end there were just too many little things I now wish we had got the diagnosis earlier as I could of got more things sorted out Luckily my husband is a happy person & he’s dealing with things well We have joined groups together & on a Tuesday my husband goes to a group
On his for the day We are getting more involved in things which is helping I’ve had a book called Contended Dementia recommended I’ve ordered & look forward to reading I think after the shock though it wasn’t really It’s getting to acceptance as it is what it is I’m just trying to live each day as it comes x

 

[RM3]

hi @BeeBeeDee, it is a hard call isn’t it early on. Things don’t feel quite right but nothing really that you feel you can confidently raise with other people. That was good that you had a nurse to confide in and get an opinion from.
I feel ready for these appointments now and so is my husband (this still surprises me).
Many thanks for messaging again. Take care x

 

[RM3]

.

 

[BeeBeeDee]

hi @BeeBeeDee, it is a hard call isn’t it early on. Things don’t feel quite right but nothing really that you feel you can confidently raise with other people. That was good that you had a nurse to confide in and get an opinion from.
I feel ready for these appointments now and so is my husband (this still surprises me).
Many thanks for messaging again. Take care x

Good that your husband is ready for the appointments, mine was not happy about any of them - as we left the appointment where he had been told it was Alzheimers he very nastily said to be How many people have you told that I am mental? ! He still doesnt acknowledge that there is anything wrong with him. If the A word is said in front of him he asks why and says he doesnt have it.
Unfortunately he doesnt really have any friends here as he spent hole working career abroad so his friends were all over the place and after retiring he gradually lost touch
You also take care.

 

[RM3]

Good that your husband is ready for the appointments, mine was not happy about any of them - as we left the appointment where he had been told it was Alzheimers he very nastily said to be How many people have you told that I am mental? ! He still doesnt acknowledge that there is anything wrong with him. If the A word is said in front of him he asks why and says he doesnt have it.
Unfortunately he doesnt really have any friends here as he spent hole working career abroad so his friends were all over the place and after retiring he gradually lost touch
You also take care.

That is hard @BeeBeeDee (I find anyway), if they don’t have friends, we are their whole focus. My husband just has one friend who he sees socially once every few months.
To be honest, what you said about your husbands comment on leaving following the diagnosis (which can’t have been easy for you), would have been my husband’s type of response, any other time. He has changed in many ways and being slightly more mellow, is actually a welcome one. X

 

[BeeBeeDee]

That is hard @BeeBeeDee (I find anyway), if they don’t have friends, we are their whole focus. My husband just has one friend who he sees socially once every few months.
To be honest, what you said about your husbands comment on leaving following the diagnosis (which can’t have been easy for you), would have been my husband’s type of response, any other time. He has changed in many ways and being slightly more mellow, is actually a welcome one. X

My husband used to be mellow and still thinks he is - but no he certainly isnt and makes life very difficult and upsetting but doesnt think he is doing anything wrong. He thinks because he walks the dog that he is doing ok and often nastily says when do you ever walk the dog. I never do now as I think that is about all he can still do so I let him do it while I either chill or get on with other jobs - as everything has now passed to me. An odd time I will say to him OK I will walk the dog and you can do ..... whatever job I am about to do and of course he always says No I will walk the dog. He has turned into an unpleasant nasty person and I struggle to feel affection for him now. Sulking and stropping if I put something on the TV that he doesnt really like, huffing or sighing every few minutes.
Have had a bad day with him today - I feel like walking out. X

 

[RM3]

My husband used to be mellow and still thinks he is - but no he certainly isnt and makes life very difficult and upsetting but doesnt think he is doing anything wrong. He thinks because he walks the dog that he is doing ok and often nastily says when do you ever walk the dog. I never do now as I think that is about all he can still do so I let him do it while I either chill or get on with other jobs - as everything has now passed to me. An odd time I will say to him OK I will walk the dog and you can do ..... whatever job I am about to do and of course he always says No I will walk the dog. He has turned into an unpleasant nasty person and I struggle to feel affection for him now. Sulking and stropping if I put something on the TV that he doesnt really like, huffing or sighing every few minutes.
Have had a bad day with him today - I feel like walking out. X

I feel for you @BeeBeeDee. Even without any dementia being factored in, I love my husband to bits but I’ve had this feeling more than once or twice in our 35 years together. Then tomorrow comes and the feeling has subsided and we start over and hopefully it’s a better day.
I must look back to see who said it (I think in a reply to me or @Bevhar recently), that we have to refill our cups. It really struck a chord with me.
No matter what the circumstances, or the fact that a pwd may not be able to help what they say etc, we are still drained of energy, compassion, patience. If they are unable to change, then I suppose before we can take anymore, we have to find a way to do something for ourselves, to refill our cup - or we will have no more to give.
I of course can not speak with any great experience of your situation or anyone else living with a pwd but I do understand xx

 

[RM3]

Hi - hope everyone is well.
Please could I just ask about LPA’s. Am I understanding right, that I have to write to anyone/company that we have any dealings with, to advise that we are applying for an LPA and then once I’ve done this, a few weeks later, I can send in the application?
Thank you x

 

[Banjomansmate]

You only inform banks etc. once the officially registered and stamped LPA has been returned to you from OPG.

 

[RM3]

I asked my husband tonight if we could just do some scenarios to get our minds working.
I posed the question ‘you have to be somewhere at 8.15 and it will take you 25 mins to get there, what time do you need to leave’ he just laughed at first and said that doesn’t mean anything to me. I reassured him and said, let’s just try and have a think about it and see if we can work it out. He struggled to grasp the question, so could not work out the answer. I tried changing it to 20 minutes travel time and then 30 minutes (thinking that would be easier but still couldn’t work it out. He asked if I could make it 9.15 because that would be easier. He then said he would draw it to try work it out but couldn’t.
I can’t get my head around what is happening. It’s very subtle but also very significant.
I know this may have seemed the wrong thing to do but I was aware and careful not to cause distress or to make my husband feel bad - I’m just trying to understand where we are. X

 

[RM3]

You only inform banks etc. once the officially registered and stamped LPA has been returned to you from OPG.

Hi @Banjomansmate. Thank you for that. I did think that it seemed quite complex.
Just so I have it right please, I apply online and then once received back, I then inform the bank etc?
Many thanks again x

 

[Violet Jane]

That was an interesting exercise @RM3. I assume that it wouldn't have presented any difficulty in the past given what you have said about your husband. It does explain why he's struggling at work. I believe that in the early stages of dementia it's basic problem solving that goes but this isn't really captured by the standard tests and isn't so apparent if the person has a partner.