advice please

leny connery

Registered User
Nov 13, 2022
409
0
still not feeling very well. my daughter met my husband for a coffee yesterday and he had his covid booster.
my son told me to rest as much as i can although hasnt offered any help. text me tonight, 2 days later asking how i felt. i did a one word reply, rough. i got have put ribbons and lace on it but not got the patience. husband is managing well washing etc changing. as long as the washing clothes keeps up and washing up done, i dont care about anything else.
yeah, don,t you just love it when being told to look after yourself, have a rest, a break, whatever....as if we do not know that. Soldier on, is what we carers have to do, and I am grateful for any little break and sympathy from offsprings.
 

60'sGirl

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
39
0
Just now I have recieved a letter for my husbands Covid booster and I haven't got a chance of getting him out of bed to go for it. He has now decided he has a bad back and can't even sit up (he also has Parkinsons) so my question is - do I just tell them he is unable to attend or will they come and do it at home, have the same problem with the flu jab but will go to the surgery tomorrow and explain to them.
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
1,075
0
Just now I have recieved a letter for my husbands Covid booster and I haven't got a chance of getting him out of bed to go for it. He has now decided he has a bad back and can't even sit up (he also has Parkinsons) so my question is - do I just tell them he is unable to attend or will they come and do it at home, have the same problem with the flu jab but will go to the surgery tomorrow and explain to them.
I'd try talking to surgery and explain. They can probably send a district nurse out to do the covid and probably do a flue one too as they are now due. It's not easy. I had a real battle with mine a couple of weeks ago getting him to an x-ray appointment. He decided he didn't feel like going and would do it another day, as if he was the only person in the world. Did get him there in the end but a horrible day.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,140
0
Southampton
Just now I have recieved a letter for my husbands Covid booster and I haven't got a chance of getting him out of bed to go for it. He has now decided he has a bad back and can't even sit up (he also has Parkinsons) so my question is - do I just tell them he is unable to attend or will they come and do it at home, have the same problem with the flu jab but will go to the surgery tomorrow and explain to them.
i have all my jabs at home. talk to the doctors as they have to tell the community team to do it. its usually a bit later as they do all the homes and more vulnerable but they do get it done. ive not had my covid or flu this year yet but they usually do them.
 

Kath610

Registered User
Apr 6, 2022
199
0
Maldon, Essex
my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?
Hi, I was recommended to call DISS (Dementia Intensive Support Service) when my husband (Alzheimer’s) started to have violent anger issues - only verbal at this time but he often threatens physical violence.
DISS have different titles in different areas - we are in Essex - but I believe they are around in other counties. Ask at your GP’s surgery, they are the ones who told me about it. I contacted them and they responded immediately.
I hope this is useful xx
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,140
0
Southampton
Hi, I was recommended to call DISS (Dementia Intensive Support Service) when my husband (Alzheimer’s) started to have violent anger issues - only verbal at this time but he often threatens physical violence.
DISS have different titles in different areas - we are in Essex - but I believe they are around in other counties. Ask at your GP’s surgery, they are the ones who told me about it. I contacted them and they responded immediately.
I hope this is useful xx
the post was about 2 years ago. since then referred to older peoples mental health and hes been on memantine for the last 2 years and it has worked very well. he has his moments but its a lot better. thank you.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,140
0
Southampton
thank you everyone. i feel a bit more alert and managing to do more. have been prompting himself to have washes etc. only doing what is necessary. have done the online weekly shop so wont starve. as for my son, hes not answering and his partner has turned the phone off.
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
1,075
0
thank you everyone. i feel a bit more alert and managing to do more. have been prompting himself to have washes etc. only doing what is necessary. have done the online weekly shop so wont starve. as for my son, hes not answering and his partner has turned the phone off.
Glad you are feeling a bit better and your husband is doing a bit for himself. As for your son and partner, terrible behaviour. Lets hope they don't need help from you any time soon.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
12,004
0
Essex
@jennifer1967 when it was my elder nephew's birthday I tried to ring my brother and his family up to wish him a happy birthday and their phones were all turned off. My poor nephews had clearly been told to do this and it is so childish. I think this something to do with my writing in his birthday card about mum and dad being very proud of him. I don't blame my nephews but I blame their parents. I saw my opportunity to keep mum and dad's memories alive and grabbed it. Some people are so childish.

MaNaAk
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
1,075
0
@jennifer1967 when it was my elder nephew's birthday I tried to ring my brother and his family up to wish him a happy birthday and their phones were all turned off. My poor nephews had clearly been told to do this and it is so childish. I think this something to do with my writing in his birthday card about mum and dad being very proud of him. I don't blame my nephews but I blame their parents. I saw my opportunity to keep mum and dad's memories alive and grabbed it. Some people are so childish.

MaNaAk
((hugs)) to you and @jennifer1967 It's note easy when families behave so badly. Maybe one day they will have to face what we do and have their eyes opened.
 

60'sGirl

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
39
0
I'd try talking to surgery and explain. They can probably send a district nurse out to do the covid and probably do a flue one too as they are now due. It's not easy. I had a real battle with mine a couple of weeks ago getting him to an x-ray appointment. He decided he didn't feel like going and would do it another day, as if he was the only person in the world. Did get him there in the end but a horrible day.
I have been waiting for the district nurse to visit/phone for the last 3 weeks due to his incontinence but getting nowhere and have made numerous phone calls asking them to ring me. Will go to the surgery on Monday - thank you.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,140
0
Southampton
I have been waiting for the district nurse to visit/phone for the last 3 weeks due to his incontinence but getting nowhere and have made numerous phone calls asking them to ring me. Will go to the surgery on Monday - thank you.
ask for a referral to the incontinence team. they can do an assessment and order the pads as needed.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
2,317
0
Surrey
I have been waiting for the district nurse to visit/phone for the last 3 weeks due to his incontinence but getting nowhere and have made numerous phone calls asking them to ring me. Will go to the surgery on Monday - thank you.
You may be able to refer to the incontinence team yourself - it’s area dependent. We googled the details and contacted them directly. We heard nothing for a month - and then chased saying it was getting worse - and then it was all processed very quickly.
 

60'sGirl

Registered User
Oct 2, 2023
39
0
You may be able to refer to the incontinence team yourself - it’s area dependent. We googled the details and contacted them directly. We heard nothing for a month - and then chased saying it was getting worse - and then it was all processed very quickly.
We live in Wales and was give a referal who then directed me to a company in England who would deliver and charge for the service. Not what I was looking for as I can buy the pants and pads from Aldi
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
12,004
0
Essex
We live in Wales and was give a referal who then directed me to a company in England who would deliver and charge for the service. Not what I was looking for as I can buy the pants and pads from Aldi
Our local Aldi is now going through customers bags at checkout!

MaNaAk
 

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