advice please

[jennifer1967]

That describes me

I don't know where to start getting my bathroom done. Bath? Shower? Both? Part-tiled, fully-tiled? Lighting, flooring? As for colours - eeeeek! I think I need to look at some pictures on the interweb...

Any advice or dos and don'ts, Jennifer?

not white!!! be prepared for the dust, it goes everywhere that its pointless trying to clean. i would love a bidet. not getting one, long term thinking. we had a shower over the bath which he couldnt climb into so neither shower or bath is usable for him. when you wash someones hair, realize that they may have to wash your hair so they can wreak revenge. dont leave it to someone else to choose the colour scheme. have plenty of time to think about it

 

[evaaniko]

my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?

Hello. Answer is yes .
I have some experience with this and yes
I'm so sorry for you really , you definitely need help

 

[jennifer1967]

Hello. Answer is yes .
I have some experience with this and yes
I'm so sorry for you really , you definitely need help

that was written a good few months ago, hes now on memantine for the last 7 months and that has eased the unpleasantness of his aggression and he is a lot calmer, happier and content in his words. i had to fight for the help but got it in the end. i had to be insistent and determined but i got there in the end.

 

[MaNaAk]

Good morning @jennifer1967,

Is there any Men's Shed today?

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Good morning @jennifer1967,

Is there any Men's Shed today?

MaNaAk

good morning @MaNaAk no hes going out but only for shopping.
the bathroom is not going to be ready to use until friday when the floor goes down. they put one man on the job to do most of the jobs. i was hoping wednesday when i have my hair cut but only another couple of days extra. i was getting all excited choosing things for the bathroom but it will be worth the wait.

 

[jennifer1967]

im not happy with the chemist. i ordered a prescription a week last saturday ready to be delivered on friday with the rest of my meds. not got it yet and doctors and chemist are blaming each other. ive been in pain and discomfort all weekend. im livid. got a barcode from the doctors and gave it chemist, they miraculously they have found my prescription and they will deliver today. i could scream, its taken 1/2hr on the phone to each. its so frustrating and it is definitely the chemist in the wrong again.
the doctors are going to remind the community team that i was due for my booster 3 months ago in spite of reminding them twice already. third time lucky.

 

[Wildflowerlady]

im not happy with the chemist. i ordered a prescription a week last saturday ready to be delivered on friday with the rest of my meds. not got it yet and doctors and chemist are blaming each other. ive been in pain and discomfort all weekend. im livid. got a barcode from the doctors and gave it chemist, they miraculously they have found my prescription and they will deliver today. i could scream, its taken 1/2hr on the phone to each. its so frustrating and it is definitely the chemist in the wrong again.
the doctors are going to remind the community team that i was due for my booster 3 months ago in spite of reminding them twice already. third time lucky.

I know how you feel @jennifer1967 apart from last two collections of partners meds which have actually been great I was always on the telephone trying to sort them out. When I collect it's a full size carrier bag far too many to stand there and check. Its frustrating and very time consuming when I have to call GP and chemist to say something not there and have to trek back another day to collect one missing item. I hope they get your booster sorted soon it's been quite a long delay for you now I can understand your frustrations.

 

[jennifer1967]

I know how you feel @jennifer1967 apart from last two collections of partners meds which have actually been great I was always on the telephone trying to sort them out. When I collect it's a full size carrier bag far too many to stand there and check. Its frustrating and very time consuming when I have to call GP and chemist to say something not there and have to trek back another day to collect one missing item. I hope they get your booster sorted soon it's been quite a long delay for you now I can understand your frustrations.

the dosset box is fine, its if i ask for anything else. it would be good if one said sorry that was us but the chemist wont admit anything and they quite often have a locum pharmacist which doesnt help. the chemist is delivering today. usually i get we only deliver once a week but today it was no problem to deliver it. the barcode got the results. they forget to look. ive reminded the doctors twice about booster and phoned 119 as they kept giving me reminders. those have now stopped.

 

[jennifer1967]

finally, im having my booster tomorrow. looks like my gp forgot to add me to the list even though i have reminded them. obviously some receptionists or care navigators as my doctors call them are better than others. my tablets have come as well so im happy. i would say if the man worked for as long as hes outside talking to another workman or on his phone, he could have done so much more. i bet he will be gone again by 2-30

 

[MaNaAk]

finally, im having my booster tomorrow. looks like my gp forgot to add me to the list even though i have reminded them. obviously some receptionists or care navigators as my doctors call them are better than others. my tablets have come as well so im happy. i would say if the man worked for as long as hes outside talking to another workman or on his phone, he could have done so much more. i bet he will be gone again by 2-30

Oh good luck tomorrow @jennifer1967. Does your daughter work at this chemist? @Wildflowerlady are you able to change chemist?

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Oh good luck tomorrow @jennifer1967. Does your daughter work at this chemist? @Wildflowerlady are you able to change chemist?

MaNaAk

no she did her apprenticeship at this chemist for about 3 years but no works at another one. we have asked if she can do mine but because they are weekly, they havent got enough staff as it is labour intensive to do dosset boxes.

 

[Moggymad]

i would love a bidet. not getting one, long term thinking.

An elderly couple I know have recently had one fitted into their existing toilet. It was bought from Amazon & works really well looks good too. Think it was around £100. They didnt have room for a separate bidet but this is just as good.

 

[jennifer1967]

ive just taken a look and didnt realize you can attach to a normal toilet. worth thinking about and see once theyve finished with the bathroom.
there are 2 of them now and definitely hearing work being done. hes been out doing some shopping and now in his chair asleep with the cat asleep by his feet on his pouffe.

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Oh good luck tomorrow @jennifer1967. Does your daughter work at this chemist? @Wildflowerlady are you able to change chemist?

MaNaAk

Hello @MaNaAk I suppose I could try change chemist and actually did try ages ago but then there was some confusion and some prescriptions went to old chemist and some to what was going to be the new one. There seemed to be confusion all round. My partner has 13 different medications per month 18 pills a day. I decided after the confusion to just stick with who we used in the end as I didn't know if I was coming or going ?. I did try online ordering from surgery too but even that had its flaws. Sometimes issue can be if his medication changes or a new one added as they can't be added onto the current batch. ?last two months have been ok. Hope you are keeping well .

 

[Sich]

My heart goes out to you as my husband also doe not want carers, however, i decided to research them and to make arrangements if i needed them in an emergency. I have now fallen and broken my wrist so they are coming in to help me and this way i am getting my husband used to somebody coming in to help. He is very taken with one of them who is used to dealing with dementia. I dont suggest you do anything as drastic as hurting yourself but with your doctors collusion perhaps you could claim a need for rest, or at least assistance in the house. Good luck with it.

 

[jennifer1967]

My heart goes out to you as my husband also doe not want carers, however, i decided to research them and to make arrangements if i needed them in an emergency. I have now fallen and broken my wrist so they are coming in to help me and this way i am getting my husband used to somebody coming in to help. He is very taken with one of them who is used to dealing with dementia. I dont suggest you do anything as drastic as hurting yourself but with your doctors collusion perhaps you could claim a need for rest, or at least assistance in the house. Good luck with it.

once the bathroom is done, then he can go into the shower which will stop me having to do some of it. the rest, i pace myself these days and although my house isnt dirty, i do it when it needs it rather than get into a stuck routine. my dil will come over and help as well if needed and my son will help with heavy jobs. my daughter does his meds ordering and dosset boxes. ive learnt to respect my limits and it will still be there tomorrow.

 

[jennifer1967]

i dont praise my husband enough. whilst a bathroom has been rebuilt, he has washed my hair every day for the last 11 days. and will continue until friday when it should be completed.
question, do i need a non-slip mat in the tray of the walk in shower to stop slipping? the floor is non-slip but wondered about the tray?

 

[Wildflowerlady]

i dont praise my husband enough. whilst a bathroom has been rebuilt, he has washed my hair every day for the last 11 days. and will continue until friday when it should be completed.
question, do i need a non-slip mat in the tray of the walk in shower to stop slipping? the floor is non-slip but wondered about the tray?

It's good your husband has been helping @jennifer1967. I believe there is something that can actually be added onto a shower tray but guy told me makes it slightly rougher/gritty feeling. Apparently it's very good but isn't removable. Perhaps you could enquire about council adding it onto the tray or else just add a removal slip mat just in case.

 

[jennifer1967]

It's good your husband has been helping @jennifer1967. I believe there is something that can actually be added onto a shower tray but guy told me makes it slightly rougher/gritty feeling. Apparently it's very good but isn't removable. Perhaps you could enquire about council adding it onto the tray or else just add a removal slip mat just in case.

i will ask the man tomorrow morning what i should do. im used to having a rubber mat in the bath, this is all new to me

 

[Pots and Pans]

I use little stickers. Can get as circles or strips. Give just enough to help - my OH has mobility issues too and has shower stool ( from Occ Health) stood on top too - and shower is dead easy to clean. No mould like on mats, nothing to hang up and dry. They are what many hotels and b and bs use. I have in shower and shower end of our bath. If you use Amazon just search for anti slip shower stickers as there are varied ones available. Literally just peel off and stick down. They look good too.