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advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
No. Also in Malay the word 'ayah' means father and the word 'ayam' means. When I was in Primary five in Malaysia we were asked to convert a sentence that read 'Ayah membawa kami ke Kuala Lumpur' (father brought us to Kuala Lumpur) to 'Kami di bawa ke Kuala Lumpur oleh ayah' (we were brought to Kuala Lumpur by father). My friend got a bit muddled and 'Kami di bawa ke Kuala Lumpur oleh ayam' (we were brought to Kuala Lumpur by a chicken)😉.

MaNaAk
you are at least bi-lingual as well. do you write the words or like symbols like chinese and japanese?or like different alphabet like india, greece? i digress but its interesting finding out about other countries.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
7,582
0
Essex
you are at least bi-lingual as well. do you write the words or like symbols like chinese and japanese?or like different alphabet like india, greece? i digress but its interesting finding out about other countries.
They use Roman script like us.

MaNaAk

PS: I have never managed to shake off the image of a family arriving in Kuala Lumpur led by a chicken 😂!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
it wasnt so bad getting up early for the man doing the bathroom. i was stressing about changing our minds as to leaving the radiator in but he was fine, we are having the radiator and the heater. it would have got damp without it as the house is pre-cast concrete. sounds like things are happening and things are getting fitted in. as long as i keep the living room door shut, i think i will be able to cope. a week is too much to imagine so ive now cut it down to one day at a time. there is no point cleaning too much so just as and when.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
my husband still has a sense of humour. he was helping me as i cant go in the shower and found he cant wash or dry my feet. he said im useless now. i used to be a heartthrob when i was younger and people used to chase me. i had to kiss a few frogs before i got my prince!!!!
the tiles are on, nice white and look like a council toilet so im going to get stickers to break it up a bit and new roller blinds when they have finished and i can see how it looks. it will look clean and light but need a bit of character and put my own individual stamp on it. he did really well today but hes waiting for a couple of things that he ordered so he can keep going.
 

Rollwithflow

Registered User
May 15, 2019
39
0
my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?
Dear Sister, Sounds like you're involved in early stages of ALZ with your spouse. Not fun at all. I suggest first that you really get to know the disease. All cases are very different. What kind of man was he? So now you have that mixed with ALZ and it's not going anywhere. Read" The 36 Hour Day" which explains each stage, then talk to your doctor about what can help you cope. I took the same med I took for menopause. Very mild and it has helped me tremendously coping with his antics. Don't let it drive you to drink : ). Remember it's not him, it's the disease. The longest good bye and you're not alone. Please plan "Me" time. A must!!!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
Dear Sister, Sounds like you're involved in early stages of ALZ with your spouse. Not fun at all. I suggest first that you really get to know the disease. All cases are very different. What kind of man was he? So now you have that mixed with ALZ and it's not going anywhere. Read" The 36 Hour Day" which explains each stage, then talk to your doctor about what can help you cope. I took the same med I took for menopause. Very mild and it has helped me tremendously coping with his antics. Don't let it drive you to drink : ). Remember it's not him, it's the disease. The longest good bye and you're not alone. Please plan "Me" time. A must!!!!
my husband has vascular dementia which is different in presentation to alzheimers. he had a TIA which caused it. im fully of the difference as i was a very well trained dementia carer in a care home for 9 yrs. i was taught the different ways to show which is which. vascular is the reduction of blood flow to the brain which reducing the oxygen to the brain and damages it. alzheimers is plaques of protein. vascular is not necessarily about memory but reasoning, sequencing and logic. i appreciate your advice but please read which dementia first as i have had to explain to a lot agencies who should know better what the differences are. there are no tablets for vascular but treat the symptoms as they arise where there can be tablets for alzheimers that may slow it down. im very well educated in dementia and find "the selfish pigs guide to caring" which has been recommended quite often on the forum.
 

Rollwithflow

Registered User
May 15, 2019
39
0
my husband has vascular dementia which is different in presentation to alzheimers. he had a TIA which caused it. im fully of the difference as i was a very well trained dementia carer in a care home for 9 yrs. i was taught the different ways to show which is which. vascular is the reduction of blood flow to the brain which reducing the oxygen to the brain and damages it. alzheimers is plaques of protein. vascular is not necessarily about memory but reasoning, sequencing and logic. i appreciate your advice but please read which dementia first as i have had to explain to a lot agencies who should know better what the differences are. there are no tablets for vascular but treat the symptoms as they arise where there can be tablets for alzheimers that may slow it down. im very well educated in dementia and find "the selfish pigs guide to caring" which has been recommended quite often on the forum.
My mother had vascular and my husband has genetic ALZ. So glad you're educated in dementia. You will be able to help yourself. Good luck!
 
Last edited by a moderator:

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
My mother had vascular and my husband has genetic ALZ. It all does the same thing, shrink your brain. Sure every case is different due to each personality. So glad you're educated in dementia. You will be able to help yourself. Good luck!
they are different by cause if nothing else alz is gradual and vascular goes down in steps. it depends what part of the brain is affected as to the symptoms and problems. hes had 3 yrs now and ive learnt a lot by reading these boards and learning from more experienced members who have experience and knowledge.
each person is different and reach different stages when they get there. its better not to think of the future and better to go from day to day as i could be worried about something that wont happen.
 

Rollwithflow

Registered User
May 15, 2019
39
0
they are different by cause if nothing else alz is gradual and vascular goes down in steps. it depends what part of the brain is affected as to the symptoms and problems. hes had 3 yrs now and ive learnt a lot by reading these boards and learning from more experienced members who have experience and knowledge.
each person is different and reach different stages when they get there. its better not to think of the future and better to go from day to day as i could be worried about something that wont happen.
My hubby's going on 14 years. He's been bed bound for 3 years. I've learned how to roll with the flow, day by day, with a smile. Thank you.
 

Rollwithflow

Registered User
May 15, 2019
39
0
My hubby's going on 14 years. He's been bed bound for 3 years. I've learned how to roll with the flow, day by day, with a smile. Thank you.
My mother died in 1997 with vascular ALZ. At that time not being educated I went into educating myself in every area about this subject. I know a little something too, but thanks for reminding me about what my mom went through. It's different, but not much with my family.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
My mother died in 1997 with vascular ALZ. At that time not being educated I went into educating myself in every area about this subject. I know a little something too, but thanks for reminding me about what my mom went through. It's different, but not much with my family.
im sorry about your mum with mix dementia, and that your husband is bed bound, it must be very hard on you. im a disabled carer who is also housebound and in constant pain and on heavy painkillers. i only go out on my mobility scooter. basically caused by my job. please be careful not to strain yourself or your back with the caring and ask for help.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
i didnt have a great night as what has been said here has been running through my head. im questioning myself , anxious, i feel judged. i like to be caring and supportive to others and helpful in what i have learnt through my own experiences. i didnt feel supported by the poster or valid or understood. i learn from other peoples experiences and different ways they have tried in trying to find a way around difficulties. its a difficult road we are on, please dont make it harder by making me feel unworthy and being put down. it really knocked my confidence and a bit sad. ive not named the poster but hope what i have written is a reminder that we are doing our best to make a bad situation a little bit better for ourselves.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
7,582
0
Essex
i didnt have a great night as what has been said here has been running through my head. im questioning myself , anxious, i feel judged. i like to be caring and supportive to others and helpful in what i have learnt through my own experiences. i didnt feel supported by the poster or valid or understood. i learn from other peoples experiences and different ways they have tried in trying to find a way around difficulties. its a difficult road we are on, please dont make it harder by making me feel unworthy and being put down. it really knocked my confidence and a bit sad. ive not named the poster but hope what i have written is a reminder that we are doing our best to make a bad situation a little bit better for ourselves.
Dear @jennifer1967,

Please don't feel like that look how you've supported me and other people on here. You are caring for your husband when you are housebound yourself. You are a wonderful mother, grandmother and great grandmother and you've worked in a care home. You've had to fight for care for your husband and to get help for yourself I think you've got more experience than me. My night wasn't brilliant either.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
11,842
0
Southampton
Dear @jennifer1967,

Please don't feel like that look how you've supported me and other people on here. You are caring for your husband when you are housebound yourself. You are a wonderful mother, grandmother and great grandmother and you've worked in a care home. You've had to fight for care for your husband and to get help for yourself I think you've got more experience than me. My night wasn't brilliant either.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

MaNaAk
good morning @MaNaAk im sorry you had a bad night as well. maybe you could do with taking it easy although i know you need to work. i said those things so show that that the poster had an impact and maybe they should be more aware of the effect they have on others when they dont know them or have insight into their situation.
 

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