advice please

scotlass

Registered User
Jul 9, 2023
265
0
get someone in to do the garden for you ....one last task to worry about, I know just how you feel .you can see all that needs to be done, and you are the one left to arrange it , I can hear "things " crawling about in the loft and I don't think it's birds....but I know that I'll be the one to arrange someone to see to it...
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
get someone in to do the garden for you ....one last task to worry about, I know just how you feel .you can see all that needs to be done, and you are the one left to arrange it , I can hear "things " crawling about in the loft and I don't think it's birds....but I know that I'll be the one to arrange someone to see to it...
i am going to try tomorrow. my son keeps saying dont pay any one, i do it but thats as far as he gets on occasion. just going to have to ignore him.
 

Fugs

Registered User
Feb 16, 2023
122
0
This probably doesn't help, as each to their own, but I have embraced No-Mow May. Except I plan to cut the lawn once a year, in October. Currently the lawn is covered in Bluebells. Last summer "light purple daisies" appeared. The local cats loved lying amongst the tall grass. I tell anyone who asks that it is a wildlife garden.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
This probably doesn't help, as each to their own, but I have embraced No-Mow May. Except I plan to cut the lawn once a year, in October. Currently the lawn is covered in Bluebells. Last summer "light purple daisies" appeared. The local cats loved lying amongst the tall grass. I tell anyone who asks that it is a wildlife garden.
i live in a council house so part of the tenancy is i keep it tidy
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
12,004
0
Essex
Dear @jennifer1967,

I would phone that gardener up again and book him in anyway. I remember booking a gardener that was recommended by a neighbour and I was very pleased with him and the price. Of course my eldest invisible told me that I need to do more in the garden as I can't afford a gardener! He, of course, was none the wiser!

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
Dear @jennifer1967,

I would phone that gardener up again and book him in anyway. I remember booking a gardener that was recommended by a neighbour and I was very pleased with him and the price. Of course my eldest invisible told me that I need to do more in the garden as I can't afford a gardener! He, of course, was none the wiser!

MaNaAk
thankyou, ive had a few replies now so hopefully one will do it. ive just had enough of everything at the moment and trying to get it done. i have a coffee table to assemble as well so will have to tackle that while my son is "finding himself" i sometimes feel i cant cope and thats getting more often these days. i was in tears last night, everything seems such a hard fight and for now ive had enough.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,043
0
Kent
Are you trying to do too much @jennifer1967 ? You do sound busy all the time and I wonder if you ever get time to sit and relax.

I know you are not well yourself. Your husband goes to men’s shed regularly. Do you take that time to relax or do you try to catch up with jobs that need doing
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
Are you trying to do too much @jennifer1967 ? You do sound busy all the time and I wonder if you ever get time to sit and relax.

I know you are not well yourself. Your husband goes to men’s shed regularly. Do you take that time to relax or do you try to catch up with jobs that need doing
probably ive now got a man to do the garden. its just everything on me. i try and keep things going which i probably should leave. when he goes to the shed, i do have the morning off listening to music and knitting although still washing needs drying. i do the jobs while he is here. i just get overwhelmed so easily.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,043
0
Kent
You’ve been on the forum for 4 years and your husband will have had dementia for probably a few years before.

I cared for my husband at home for 5 years and we were struggling for a good few years before that.

My husband was losing mobility and because I had problems with slipped discs there was no way I could take his weight which is why he went into residential care. Even so , I don’t know how much longer I could have carried on

I hope you are not verging on carer breakdown @jennifer1967. You sound as if you are becoming overwhelmed with what you have to live with.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
12,004
0
Essex
You’ve been on the forum for 4 years and your husband will have had dementia for probably a few years before.

I cared for my husband at home for 5 years and we were struggling for a good few years before that.

My husband was losing mobility and because I had problems with slipped discs there was no way I could take his weight which is why he went into residential care. Even so , I don’t know how much longer I could have carried on

I hope you are not verging on carer breakdown @jennifer1967. You sound as if you are becoming overwhelmed with what you have to live with.
I agree with @Grannie G. I am physically fit and dad was diagnosed in January 2016. I joined the forum in summer of that year but things were going down hill the year before. However when my relatives came over from Malaysia in 2013 we were all talking about dad's memory. I really take my hat off to you but I wonder whether you could do with trying to get carers in and pretending that they are for you rather than your husband. It's good that you've got a gardener coming now. How was your husband with that idea?

I should say that I got dad into the care home in 2018 and I had a year of caring from afar.

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
You’ve been on the forum for 4 years and your husband will have had dementia for probably a few years before.

I cared for my husband at home for 5 years and we were struggling for a good few years before that.

My husband was losing mobility and because I had problems with slipped discs there was no way I could take his weight which is why he went into residential care. Even so , I don’t know how much longer I could have carried on

I hope you are not verging on carer breakdown @jennifer1967. You sound as if you are becoming overwhelmed with what you have to live with.
yes diagnosed 4 years ago but had it a year before. he had a clot in his heart a 2018 which lead to a tia in the january. i asked the doctor as i had his permission if he had dementia and she confirmed then waiting a few months for memory clinic and diagnosis. i had to tell him both times not the doctor which was not nice then 2 weeks later, he was shielding for first lock down
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
well the taxi was 10 minutes earlier than they said and 3 taxis came at once. talk about cant get one and then three come all at once. hes gone and i will have a couple of hours to myself.
 
Last edited:

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
further to this morning, actually 5 taxis came to pick him up for the shed and 2 taxis to pick him up from the shed. i complained last week that one was 10 minutes late leaving him vulnerable. i then complained because they parked further up the road. i think it was a slight overkill that the numbers of taxis sent. i think some one got a bit keen with the buttons.
he enjoyed the shed, they asked to be on the committee as longest member but he is not able to manage that. they know he has dementia and treat him just the same as all the other men.
 

Charlie bougie

Registered User
Feb 6, 2024
30
0
Dear Jennifer 1967 I have read your post and relate to them as my Charlie Bogle has Alzheimer's. He's 82 I'm 75 we're hanging on best we can I also have to handle everything. It's hard and lonely our children don't understand what or how they could help. Busy their self.I hire people to do repairs and yard work. I'm so thankful for grocery pick up and drive through. He's with me 24/7 and on memantine and donepezil. I hope you are doing good.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
Dear Jennifer 1967 I have read your post and relate to them as my Charlie Bogle has Alzheimer's. He's 82 I'm 75 we're hanging on best we can I also have to handle everything. It's hard and lonely our children don't understand what or how they could help. Busy their self.I hire people to do repairs and yard work. I'm so thankful for grocery pick up and drive through. He's with me 24/7 and on memantine and donepezil. I hope you are doing good.
hello @Charlie bougie he has vasc. dem. but it really doesnt matter what type. hes on memantine because of his aggression and has done so well for the last 3 years i think. they dont give donepezil to him and just treat the symptoms as they arise. 2 out of 4 children do help but they are busy with their families or work. they take their lead from me. they know what he needs help with so just do it. im not that well myself with chronic pain so there are somethings they help me with. my daughter does his meds and my son does any thing like decorating.
we do have a gardener now it cuts the lawns and hedge weve only had recently.im 57 and hes 76. but we muddle along and have just had our 35th wedding anniversary. i shop online and have it delivered. do have a mobility scooter so i do go out on that. sometimes, hanging on is good enough.
 

Charlie bougie

Registered User
Feb 6, 2024
30
0
Ty Jennifer 1967 for responding Charlie uses a walker. He's tells some whooping stories, he watches TV but can't keep up with the content so gets up goes to his music room plays at his guitar and has a pot he's planted tomatoes seeds which he waters too much we have basic routines kids don't visit we go see them but they do call. It's nice to hear from you
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,139
0
Southampton
the last couple of days have been harder. today being worse. ive done everything while hes sat down. not unusual but he is capable of doing some things. hes in the way of me doing things and gets anger when i move him to get it done quicker. i have limited time on my feet and doing before i have to sit down again. my back is very painful because of doing things slowly. he is throwing things down and watching me struggle. im just tired and in pain. he has stoped off to his room which is probably best. not got mens shed until thursday with BH.
had a rant and now got to hit reset button.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,294
0
Sorry to read that things are so hard at present, it is particularly annoying if he is capable of doing things but wont. Keep on ranting here, it's what we are for.