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A lifelong friend and me

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
Aww come on now, no shame in liking floral notes! Glad you & Mum shared a giggle together.
Dad wandered at home regularly not recognising where he was. Also he never recognised his own door to his room in the CH even with his name & a different colour on it.
Wandering seems to be a phase in dementia - maybe restless mind equals restless feet? Strange as Dad would fall asleep in a shopping line given the opportunity before dementia.
I think I am worrying that the CH will say they can't keep mum there and we have to do this all again -its a horrible thing having this now constant concern. I must try to relax
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
Some positive news -for once! Just spoke with the quity release company and they will drop the early resettlement fee of £13,000 -a small win
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
558
Some positive news -for once! Just spoke with the quity release company and they will drop the early resettlement fee of £13,000 -a small win
Good stuff @Palerider! You mentioned about Mum being confused (which is natural) do the Unit not have names on the bedroom doors? It used to help my Mum get her bearings and be reassured it was her room.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
Good stuff @Palerider! You mentioned about Mum being confused (which is natural) do the Unit not have names on the bedroom doors? It used to help my Mum get her bearings and be reassured it was her room.
She does have her name on the door but I am wondering if it too small for her to spot. I was thinking I might make a yellow name plate with 'xxxxs room' on and stick it on her wardrobe which she can see from the doorway.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
659
High Peak
Hope you have more luck with that than I did. Mum swore the photo (of her) on her door wasn't her, looked nothing like her, she wasn't that old!' etc.

I did put a notice opposite her door, so it was the first thing she saw when she came out of her room. It said 'Lift/reception/staff' with a big arrow pointing in the right direction. Usually she was on her way to complain about something so it was useful :rolleyes:

Harder to find a way of directing her back to her room but generally she'd just wander a bit, find a chair near a window somewhere and look at the view. Night time wandering tended to be more... aggressive :confused: but a dementia home really should be able to deal with it. Sounds like they have made a good start with your mum.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
978
Good news about the equity release @Palerider.
I'm sure the home can cope, your mum doesn't sound like she's doing anything out of the usual, so try not to worry too much.
As for personalising doors. At mum's home each resident has a 'memory box' outside with their name and a few items that show who they are. Mum's has the last picture taken of her and dad together and some of his painted canal ware. Trouble is when she was on the top floor her room was to the left of the box, but there was another residents room to the right. She kept on going in there and thinking there was a strange man in her bed. In the end they put a large picture of a dancer on her door to help her identify it. Her current room doesn't have that problem, but I'm never quite sure that she recognises it.
I found a great photo of her recently dressed up as a suffragette with a placard saying 'votes for women'. It was part of a Labour Party event she did about ten years. It pretty well sums up what mum used to be like, I must take it in for her box.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,093
South East
Great idea about the photo and bold letters , friends dad had his picture and a large nameplate on his door. fab news about equity release fee, I am surprised a company have a heart.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
Right the new door poster seems to work in the daytime, mum soon identified with something that belongs to her -just see if it helps at night. She wasn't sure who the old lady was in the photo but she thought it was her gran :rolleyes: -so we'll go with it. You jinxed me @Jaded'n'faded!!!

I sat talking and mum nodded off and so did I -a momentry lapse of concentration -ahem.

I spoke to the admin officer who asked how things were and she said not to worry as they wouldn't have accepted mum if they couldn't accomodate her and besides several of the residents wander all night long. She said there had been no concerns raised so far. The spanish nurse was on again (the one mum is covinced her false eyelashes are going to fall off) and she was telling me how mum was overnight -and yes no wonder mum nodded off. Its going to take a while for mum to settle down as it did last time.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
I found a great photo of her recently dressed up as a suffragette with a placard saying 'votes for women'. It was part of a Labour Party event she did about ten years. It pretty well sums up what mum used to be like, I must take it in for her box.

Thats a must for your mum ;)
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
931
Bedford
Pleased to here the positive news about the equity release company dropping the admin fee.
Hopefully the admin person has reassured you of the match between your Mum and the CH which will enable you to relax a little.
Glad your Mum like the photo of ‘her Gran’
I sat talking and mum nodded off and so did I -a momentry lapse of concentration -ahem
My OH calls that inspecting the inside of his eyelids:cool:
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
558
Its going to take a while for mum to settle down as it did last time.
Hi @Palerider, I'm sure that is what you expected. Hopefully in a week or so she will become more settled and familiar with the staff - even though she won't remember names there does seem to be a comfort in seeing the same faces. I hope you managed to relax a bit too after the stresses of last week. All the best.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
Awake at this unearthly hour, I thought this had passed now mum was in a CH, but with the recent move I seem to be worrying a little too much that she will be ok and won't have to move again.

I think with how mum was treated in the previous CH and a conversation on another thread this is all getting magnified. No wonder some people make the choice to care 24/7 themselves . Roll on daylight and another day to see how the land lies in the world of dementia care :(
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,093
South East
Does anyone ever truly relax , I’m not sure , we seem to be very capable in over thinking everything and putting huge pressure on ourselves as humans. It is a big responsibility to be the start middle and end for all things for our Pwd . Hope you managed to get back to sleep.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
558
Hi @Palerider, totally understandable, worrying about Mum settling in is only to be expected. A total cliche I know - but you can only take it a day at a time. All the best.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,427
North West
Hi @Palerider, totally understandable, worrying about Mum settling in is only to be expected. A total cliche I know - but you can only take it a day at a time. All the best.
No not a cliche at all.

I purposely visited mum last night to get a feel for how she is at night. She was very hyper and unable to stop 'being on the go' -clearly sundowing at a fast pace, no different to how she was at home. Very fixed on home where it used to be and rumerating about her grandma and others. Clearly over-tired but unable to rest. I think she will settle but she is struggling to find her room.

I was looking at other rooms and thought about the ideas some people had put in place to try and make it their own recognisable space. Mulling a few things over at the mo in terms of interior design with a twist